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  1. #11
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    Re: How To Express My Anger

    Right now it is hard for me to accept that I should only focus on myself because for some odd reason I'm so outwardly focused and feel as though the world is my responsibility. It's as if I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders as the saying goes. What are some tools you have worked on to learn to accept that the only one you can control is yourself and not other people.

  2. #12
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    Re: How To Express My Anger

    I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders
    Re-orientation of thinking time, Crystal. By adopting a mindset such as:

    I'm so outwardly focused and feel as though the world is my responsibility
    Sets you up for failure, disappointment, frustration, and, did I mention failure?

    It is not realistic to think you can affect the world.....very few people in history have succeeded. and many have done it through tyranny and cruelty.

    A more realistic approach is to focus on your own needs, your own ability to function in society and to learn the necessary skills to live a happy, productive and satisfying life.

    Keep your goals and expectations within attainable limits, and learn what your limits are.

    I would like to be the strongest man in the world, but after carrying three sheets of plywood this afternoon, I quickly realized my hope of being an Olympic weight lifting champion is not very likely.

    Do you see why it's so important to set goals that are attainable?

  3. #13
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    Re: How To Express My Anger

    Well when I have met with failure that I feel was someone else's fault I have discussed it (at length sometimes) with my therapist and eventually realized that like Steve has just pointed out... I set myself up to fail.

    An example would be my mother never treating me like her daughter and my constant desperation to please her.
    I would be kicked in the teeth every time yet still went back...If you break this down... I knew what my mum was... she was acting as she always had all her life yet I felt through these actions I would change this situation to what I desperately wanted.

    With therapy I recognized I would never change this, my mum was doing what she does, it was me trying to make it something else, hard as it was to swallow, upon acceptance of this truth it freed much of my emotional resources to then build on these discoveries and was actually quite an empowering sensation when you realize you can control your own thoughts and feelings.

    I got to the stage of forgetting about blaming anyone for anything and just working on making my life closer to what I would like it to be within the realistic and "attainable" position I was in.

    By working on it through honest debate with your therapist and internal self honesty you slowly begin to work out that the only control you have is over your own self and that includes anger, compulsion, impulses, thought processes you NEED to look at your feeling actions thoughts (the FAT triangle) all processes in your mind push and pull to make your mind what it is.

    Reading Carl Rogers helped me massively in my battle to see myself clearly and without the prejudice many had put on me through the years in particular "becoming a person" was a turning point for me... I actually find Roger's writing therapeutic in its self to read.

  4. #14
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    Re: How To Express My Anger

    So since changing the world is an unlikely goal what would be a more attainable goal that I can be happy with. You mentioned controlling myself. The problem is I don't know how to fully control myself and I don't know what things in life actually make me happy and I'm not entirely sure what kind of person I want to be.

  5. #15
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    Re: How To Express My Anger

    Well I think that is all great fodder to take to your therapist and work on you have the basic outline of a list to work with there.

  6. #16
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    Re: How To Express My Anger

    so what should we work on first.

  7. #17
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    Re: How To Express My Anger

    That's something that you and your therapist should be deciding together.

  8. #18
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    Re: How To Express My Anger

    so what should we work on first.
    Exactly the question you need to ask your therapist, in order to work out a plan for what issues are to be addressed. Once you have a plan, then you should discuss a possible time line to give you an idea of when you can hope to achieve your goals.

    The exercise of discussing goals, timelines and goal attainment might be a good exercise for using in setting your own personal and career goals, with which your therapist may be able to help you.

  9. #19
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    Re: How To Express My Anger

    Okay I see my therapist tomorrow. I'll ask about setting goals. Hopefully setting goals will work.

  10. #20
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    Re: How To Express My Anger

    I talked to my therapist and they said that I need to focus on the things I enjoy instead of worrying about recognition and changing the world at the moment. I just can't seem to do it. I'm just too focused on the world for some reason. I'm trying to change my focus to starting my own fashion business, but it doesn't seem to be working that much. It seems like a great idea and all but I'm not sure how successful my business would be and how much of a difference it will make.

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