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Thread: Sibling Incest

  1. #1
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    Question Sibling Incest

    Something I have only casually mentioned in therapy is that when I was a child, my 3 older brothers sexually abused me. I don't know when it started because I don't remember it ever not happening. Some of it I remember clearly and some of it is foggy and vague. It pretty much continued until I was 17 and left home.

    My mother knew what was happening, she saw it happening many times. She would beat me for it, until I bled, and would tell me it was my fault because I was a girl. She said that's just how 'males' are, and that's just what they do,and if it happened to me, it was my fault(something she said whenever she knew anyone abused me). She treated me like I was this awful little girl that wanted these things to happen and assumed I was instigating these things. She never punished the boys for it because 'boys will be boys'.

    The truth is, when I was very young, I don't think I knew it was wrong. It was just something that was done to me and I was used to it. When I was a little bit older, my brothers saw the neighbor boy(a teenager) molest me,and they used that against me. They threatened to tell mom what had been done to me so that I would do what they wanted. They knew I didn't want to be beaten for what Tom had done to me, so their threats worked(which,by the way, if mom would have found out,she would have beat me for it). They also used that to take my toys,my food,and to get me to do their chores for them. I was threatened and bribed with that on a daily basis.

    I refused my dad when I was 15, I woke up with him on top of me, and fought him off of me, and he went to my mom and told her I had been in my brother's bedroom and was doing stuff with him, I think he did that to cover his own butt.He wanted to make me look bad,which worked. I didn't bother telling my mom what had really happened because I knew she wouldn't believe me anyway. It seemed like no matter what happened, I was always blamed. I always looked like this little whore that went around doing sexual things with every male I was around. I was very ashamed of everything that was going on, but I didn't know how to stop it.

    I guess I haven't really talked about it in therapy that much because I still feel so much shame over it. I should have put a stop to it somehow,especially when I was older. Plus,there were many times I didn't mind it being done to me when I was real young, times I even liked it. It's such a hard subject to talk about, and I have so many different feelings about it all, and it feels so shameful to discuss. I don't know who is to blame, I blame myself for it all, but after watching something on tv last night, I have been thinking about it and trying to figure it all out. Sometimes I am not even sure it should be called 'abuse' since a majority of the time I was a willing participant. And because I didn't put a stop to it.

    I haven't found anything here about sibling incest, so I guess I am looking for help and info.

    ---------- Post Merged at 08:28 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:16 AM ----------

    It seems like I may have already talked about this,If I have,sorry for repeating myself.

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    Re: Sibling Incest

    I don't know that there is anything fundamentally different about sibling incest than any other form of childhood sexual abuse. The basic elements are the same:

    • victim younger than abuser, often too young at the beginning to fully understand what is happening
    • abuser in a position of power and/or authority over victim
    • abuser uses threats, intimidation, and fear to obtain compliance, sometimes alternating with gifts or favors or special attentions
    • victim fears disclosing the abuse because worries or knows s/he won't be believed and may be punished or blamed


    This is definitely something you should try to discuss with your therapist. It will be difficult if not impossible for you to resolve what happened on your own.

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    Re: Sibling Incest

    YOUR mother was sick to say such things never your fault never ok talk to your therapist god you need to talk to someone who can help you understand to help you heal hugs

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    Re: Sibling Incest

    I relly hope you can bring this up with your therapist. It's a lot of trauma to keep inside and you don't have to anymore. Please let your therapist help you be free from the grip these people had over you so you can live more freely.

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    Re: Sibling Incest

    We were talking about shame in another thread. It's a powerful, horrible emotion.
    But there is no way (and I know that this is easy for me to say) you should feel any shame.
    Horrible things were done to an innocent child (you) and I consider a teenager to be a child as well - I'm so sorry.
    Yes please follow the advice of others and talk about it with your therapist - let them help you.

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    Re: Sibling Incest

    Quote Originally Posted by David Baxter View Post
    I don't know that there is anything fundamentally different about sibling incest than any other form of childhood sexual abuse. The basic elements are the same.
    It seems different than other sexual abuse that I experienced. I know what I wrote sounds horrible, but it doesn't really feel that way. It just seems more like something that happened, not like 'trauma' or anything.But maybe that's because it wasn't that bad compared to some of the other things I went through. Or maybe because I loved my brothers. I don't know, I don't understand why I feel the way I do about it.

    The reason I posted about it was on the tv show I watched, they said it was important for a person to seek therapy,and that it would take many years to work through something like that. I was just surprised by that statement. And I started wondering if maybe it affects me more than I realize.

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    Re: Sibling Incest

    I'm not in your head obviously so I don't know how you feel, but I know for me, the abuse I endured growing up was my "normal", ie I didn't know anything different. It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized how deeply it did affect me. Your therapist can help you sort out the emotions involved and help you stay emotionally safe if you choose to go down this road.

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    Re: Sibling Incest

    I have been doing trauma therapy for over 2 years, this seems minor in comparison. Is it a necessary road to go down?

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    Re: Sibling Incest

    I'm not sure if it's necessary. That would be a really good question for your therapist. There are so many factors to consider when working through different topics in therapy. I would guess that the fact that you brought it up is an indication that it's on your mind and therefore worth mentioning at therapy, and you did state in your first post that you are looking for help and info on this topic.

    Just out of curiosity, why are you minimizing the impact this may have had on your life?

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    Re: Sibling Incest

    I'm not sure why I'm minimizing it, to be honest. As I said before, sometimes I'm not even sure it should be called 'abuse'. I'm really confused about the whole thing now after watching what I did on TV last night.

    And yes, I did say I am looking for help and info. First I think I need help recognizing it as abuse. How can it be abuse if my brothers were children themselves when it first started? How can it be abuse if I was a willing participant alot of the time?

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