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  1. #1

    Depressed or Just a few Bad Years?

    Hi,

    I guess one part of me thinks I may be depressed and another says that I have just been dealing with a lot of stuff in the last few years.

    Firstly, I was sexually abused by my brother (10 years my senior) for several years from the age of about 8. I am still dealing with this and I guess I am struggling to continue to heal... I kind of work on it for a week or a few months and then stagnate and opt to think "Im over it"... this is really hard. Then there is my relationship with my mother who knew about the abuse... and even once told by myself as a child, kicked my brother out only to allow him back in that night. Then as I got older and tried to tell people that I didn't want to spend time with him... I was always brushed off with comments like, he cant help it... he is schizophrenic (he was diagnosed when I was about 15).

    Then whilst dealing with that I have had my grandmother, grandfather, 2 x uncles and a best friend die in the last two years.

    In the same month this year, I lost my grandfather... had to put my beloved dog of 10 years down as he had cancer... discovered my boyfriend of 3 and a half years has been having an internet affair (which may have caught up in real life... that is still in debate).

    And as horrible as I feel... I have used street drugs like amphetamines to help cope... I am unable to have sex unless I am drunk or high... I am too self-conscious and just can not get "in the mood".

    I have withdrawn from friends and family... and prefer to just stay home.

    Am I just dealing with circumstances? Or am I depressed?

    Any advice would be great!

    Thank you!

  2. #2

    Depressed or Just a few Bad Years?

    I think that certain circumstances can make you more prone to being depressed, but a circumstance in itself doesn't nec. mean you will be depressed... but from what you have written in terms of what you have had to deal w/ and are dealing w/ right now it sounds like a lot and being depressed seems to line up w/ a lot of your feelings... ie. w/drawing from friends, not being in the mood... the difference btwn just "dealing" w/ circumstances is that that's exactly what it is: dealing. and you're not "dealing" hun. there's so much to process and so many feelings at once it's totally understandable why you'd have a hard time w/ this. I've fought a lot to pretend like things were normal, ok, even perfect... and yeah I fooled people but in the end I even fooled myself only to realize that maybe things aren't ok... at least if I'd say that I might be depressed or have been then things would make a little bit more sense and it's almost be a relief to say that these things were legit... that I wasn't just feeling this way for no reason... you know?

    you said you tried to deal w/ things... did you ever see anyone about any of this??? that might be a good step to start at. sometimes, being in a situation kind of makes you unable to see things from the outside and dealing w/ some things is difficult, and what does dealing even mean? but I would go talk to someone now b/f you get even more into drugs to try and deal (or forget) and things get worse w/ your relationships etc. telling yourself you're "over" things only works for so long I find. I told myself I was "over" grieving for certain people...only to find things catching up w/ me sooner or later (there's some posts about this in the grief forum that might offer some suggestions, stories etc.).

    I think you not only have the right but deserve to feel better about things and get some help working through all of this... can you go talk to someone??? and one more thing, re: the title of your post, if you think you've had a few bad years that might be a clue that things aren't really ok, you know... noone should just have a "few bad years"....

  3. #3

    Thanks!

    Hey...

    Thanks for your advice... I did try to see a psychologist for a while... but once things started to get to "raw"... I never went back. I guess it's time to face it all...

    Once again... thanks for your help!

  4. #4

    Depressed or Just a few Bad Years?

    eeek. something I can relate to- but again, if you want to make any kind of progress or change this is what it's going to take.. sometimes people say that it's so much easier going to therapy and talking than the years of them dealing w/ things on their own- makes sense I guess. Not to say it's easy, but in the end the payoff is so worth it. It is scarry, but I think once you find the right person for therapy the time will come where you will feel comfortable enough to open up about some of the things or all of them...

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