Thanks Thanks:  0
Likes Likes:  0
Page 1 of 5 12345 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 46

Thread: Miss my sister

  1. #1

    Miss my sister

    I'm really really really sad and miss my sister terribly. Even though she died 12 years ago, I still have a really difficult time truly accepting her death.

  2. #2

    Miss my sister

    From what you posted in another thread, I can imagine that's true, hon. You've never really dealt with the grief of losing her. Because you felt so responsible, what with your mother's inability to take responsibility, you probably blamed yourself and got stuck in that mode instead of moving beyond it. Now that you've realized that you did all you could, you can begin to truly grieve your loss and move on. Now, sweetie, you can cry those tears of sorrow and let it all out. Then, and only then, can you place your sister in her rightful place as a beloved memory instead of a sad one.

  3. #3

    Miss my sister

    I don't think time in itself heals wounds, yes it helps, and grief may lessen with time, but I think you also have to learn to deal w/ the grief sooner or later, especially in situations like yours. What I mean by that is simply allowing yourself to grieve, whatever that means for you.. it was my mom's mom's death day this week... I never knew her so even though she was my grandmother I feel sad about it but I am far from the feelings my mom is experiencing around this.... she gets really upset and remembers how lonely she was when my grandma was sick etc.... it's very sad. I asked her though, at the risk of her getting mad, if she only remembers the bad things (ie. the day she died) or also some of the good things on "these" days... and the reason why I asked is b/c even though this is a sad reminder and sad occasion, I think that there is so much good to be remembered from someone who has passed away... we knew them when they were alive and yet all we remember is them after they were dead.... I find that even if you can remember a moment you had w/ someone who died or smell their favorite flower etc. it can make a tremendous difference.... on the other hand, if taking this day to grieve for your sister and be sad is what you need there is no reason why you shouldn't if this is part of your healing process.... she will always be with you, even after 12 yrs, and as much as it will not get easier to have lost her, it will become easier to think of her w/ time maybe.... as you rememer the good and the bad..... I'm sorry you feel sad sounds like it's really a lot to deal w/.... and from my own experiences of grieving for people, it's a process that isn't predictable and doesn't really end from one day to the next.....

  4. #4

    Miss my sister

    Thanks for you replys TL and Eunoia.

    I think it is good that I am sad even though it feels overwhelming and it physically hurts.

    It wasn't until a few months ago that I began to remember some of our good times. And realizing that I had forgotten fond memories was a major realization. I was so consumed with the terrifying events of "that night" that I couldn't see anything else. Even my sadness.

    I cryed again a bit today. I think I'll stop wearing make-up for then next few days :)

  5. #5

    Miss my sister

    Although grieving is difficult and makes us feel terrible, it is a necessary evil. We must undergo the process in order to put it behind us and move on with our lives.

    Losing a loved one cannot be anything but painful, yet once we have succeeded in working our way through the process of grieving, we can remember the good times, the laughter, the closeness and the tears without so much anguish. We can realize the blessings this person brought into our lives and be thankful for those blessings, relishing them as a part of our lives that, while it cannot be replaced, was uniquely ours. Through this realization, the loved one takes his, or her, proper a beloved and cherished memory.

    Cry those tears, hon. Your sister is with you. She's alive in your heart, and in the love you still have for her. :-)

  6. #6

    Miss my sister

    Thank your for your words and support TL. I don't feel so alone in this process.

  7. #7

    Miss my sister

    Hi Healthbound,

    Think of grieving as a similar process as tearing up when you have something in your eye. The reason for tearing up is to clear something from your eye(s). The grieving process is similar in that it helps you see clearly how important your sister has been in your life. You can remember the pleasant thoughts or experiences you shared with her without feeling the pressure of her absence. For your sister will remain in your heart and memories where you can recall your lives together. Please know you are in our thoughts and prayers. Isn't it interesting when you take the AL away from alone you are left with one? You are ONE surrounded by all of us here. Take care,

  8. #8

    Miss my sister

    Thank you very much comfortzone. I really like your analogy and I sincerely appreciate that I am in your thoughts and prayers. I am gratefully overwhelmed by both TL's and your support.

  9. #9

    Miss my sister

    I think that allowing yourself to cry about your sister and just missing her is a big part in being able to get through this... it's okay to feel this way, I find that people sometimes worry (and I have done this too) that they should be "over" grieving someone they lost... but that pain stays with you, b/c they were a part of your life. What I'm trying to say though is that your sister, even though she's gone, is still a part of your life. grief has that tendency of overtaking everything so that the pain of losing someone sticks out, but as you said, you can get so overwhelmed w/ everything that you can't even see your own pain. allowing yourself to be in pain though makes this whole process so much "easier" in the end... if you feel like crying, it's okay, if you feel like remembering a good moment w/ your sister or something she taught you or what she meant to you, it's okay too.... it's all part of this. *hugs*

  10. #10

    Miss my sister

    Thanks Eunoia.
    It's been a bizarre road. It seems that my mind/body/psyche got really "stuck" going around in a repetitive and never-ending loop the night she died. As I begin to "feel" or connect more with the realities of what happened, I am becoming increasingly aware of how limited my perceptions really have been.

    My brain and body continues to amaze me. I am grateful for every progression I make that allows me to step farther and farther away from the loop. I hate the loop. The loop keeps me anxious and confused. I just want to stop and cry now. And then accept my life just as it is.

    Instead of around and around and around and around...

    You hit the nail on the head when you said, "it's okay to feel this way". For whatever reasons some part of me didn't (and sometimes still doesn't) think I could, should or would need to feel my own loss for her. I didn't think it was okay, safe, appropriate, normal, allowed, or whatever.

    So, here I am doing it now...12 years later. That's ok though. I would rather go through this now than never. From what I can tell, some people never get out of the loop and what a limited life that would be.

    Am I even making sense?!

    lol - what I meant to say was, thanks.

Page 1 of 5 12345 LastLast



Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

Disclaimer: PsychLinks is not responsible for the content of posts or comments by forum members.

Additional Forum Web Design by PsychLinks
© All rights reserved.