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  1. #1
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    I'm sorry to post this

    but i really want to die. I hate living, i have nothing left to live for. i want to be a fighter pilot but i have no chance of getting into the air corps cos there are too many people much better than me who want to get in and i just want to fly but i could self sponsor myself through flying training by getting loans from the bank and then go into debts, **** up my career and be put on every black list there is.

    basically i don't want to live anymore but i just have no energy left at all whatsoever and i really want to die. i just can't be bothered committing suicide. it takes too much effort and I'd probably just screw that up.

    sorry for wasting your time.

  2. #2
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    I'm sorry to post this

    There are always good reasons for not committing suicide and virtually no good reasons for doing it.

    Frankly, I'm glad you don't have the energy to kill yourself today. that gives you at least one more day to consider it.

    If you believe that you have nothing to live for because you think you can't make it as a fighter pilot, I would suggest that you need to look at a slightly bigger picture. First, your conclusion that you won't be accepted is based on distorted and pessimistic thinking -- how do you know that's true? Second, I'd guess that there are many other equally intyeresting and rewarding things that you could do in your life, probably some you haven't even thought of yet. Give yourself a bit of time to discover those before you give up.

  3. #3
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    I'm sorry to post this

    thanks for replying. it means a lot.... but is there anyway i can make this feeling go away? I cant remember being happy at all int he last few months.. i do lots of things that make me less sad for a while but it never lasts. what can i do to make it go away?

  4. #4
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    I'm sorry to post this

    Are you seeing a therapist? Are you currently taking an antidepressant? Either or both of those will help.

    I'm on my way out for a while. I'll check back later. But please remember that there are several people in this forum who have felt as you do at one time or another - the fact that they have made it through means that you can too.

  5. #5
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    I'm sorry to post this

    i'm not going to a therapist cos i cant afford one and i cant tell my parents how i feel because i'm supposed to be their perfect daughter and my doctor did try to give me anti depressants but that has 2 problems 1. it would mean my mother finding out how i feel and 2 i heard they have nasty side effects if you're not depressed or even if you are depressed.

    i'm really sorry.. i should probably just go


    sorry

  6. #6
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    I'm sorry to post this

    Hi Deenie,

    Antidepressants don't have to have nasty side effects. There are many, many different kinds out there now and when you find the one that works for you, the difference is night and day. Normally your parents would not have to find out, depending on your age. Are you able to look into this as an option?

    I'm not sure how things work in Ireland, but is it possible that there might be free counselling available through a university, crisis centre, or your family doctor? Even if it just gets you through today, that's all you need. Just stay in the moment.

    Take care,

  7. #7
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    I'm sorry to post this

    Though some parents are initially less understanding than others, in the long run it's usually good if the parents become aware that their child has depression.

    Anyway, the newer antidepressants like Lexapro are very well tolerated with a very low incidence of side effects.

    The importance of talking to a therapist cannot be overstated. You need someone to help you overcome the thought patterns that are almost always present in suicidal and depressed thinking like all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, etc. Also, its usually a relief to talk to someone like a therapist or school counselor after dealing with your depression all on your own.

    Personally, when I started having depression at 17, I remember wanting to know how things would turn out 5-10 years down the road to see if everything would turn out OK. Sometimes I'm still surprised how well things did turn out.
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  8. #8
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    I'm sorry to post this

    hey Deenie! I think that a lot of people can relate not about how you're feeling but also about wanting to reach once partiular goal and feeling like you're not able to do so. One thing I tell myself is that someone has to get in, right? ie. into the air corps to become a fighter pilot. how do you know that's not you? if you give up now one way or the other, then yes, your chances will be 0% but if you try your very best and do whatever it is you need to do (ie. making connections, finding out about what their expectations are, what the requirements are etc...) then your chances aren't so bad after all. Also, maybe this is a great goal to have but as David said there are many other options within this area or along those lines.... you'd be surprised how much things can change with time, and you never know which opportunity might present itself to you tomorrow or in a year etc. The people that do reach these kind of goals don't necessarily have it all "easy" for them either, yes, some may have been the "perfect" candidate, but believe me, there are ways to reach your goals without being perfect. It's not an all or none situation but this kind of thinking is.

    would you rather quit now or take the chance and tell your parents about how you're feeling so that you can at least SEE what's out there and take the help that you can get if you let yourself. I doubt that any parent would say no to therapy or meds for their child if these were their options... if you're striving to be their perfect daughter, hun, this is something that you can't attain no matter how hard you try, but you CAN reach YOUR own goals if you go after them realistically. talking to a therapist would definitely help and there are places where counselling is offered for no fee or lower fees.... definitely options to look into if need be. And as everyone else has said, anti-depressants are not bound to have "nasty" side effects.... but again, if one say makes you more tired, isn't that worth it if you would be able to feel happier and follow your dreams and just want to life to see what life holds in store for you???

  9. #9
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    I'm sorry to post this

    Hey Deenie,

    My sister committed suicide and I wanted to kill myself after she died (12 years ago) and then wanted to do it again last year.

    I honestly believed that my life was completely horrible and I honestly believed that I could never feel good ever again.

    After going through planning my death twice, I am in a completely different state of mind now. In fact, it's difficult to imagine myself feeling so horrible just 1 year ago.

    A small part of me wanted to live and that's the part of me that e-mailed an anonymous suicide prevention organization - much like you are posting here now. I was surprised that I got a caring/supportive response and held onto that by exchanging e-mails with that organization for a while. I finally told my doctor who immediately referred me to a therapist, increased my antidepressants. It's bizarre, but at the time I was reluctant to even call the therapist or take the medication. I remember feeling like I wasn't worth "it" and that people wouldn't really care about me and my problems anyway.

    Luckily for me (and my son), my doctor and my therapist did care. Just like the people here care. I don't know you, but I care...first because I know how horrible it feels to be in that place and second because I know how horrible it feels to lose someone to suicide.

    Suicide is permanent. If you really want, you can always revert back to it after you try a few more "non-permanent" options like medication and therapy.

    Besides, maybe your parents would rather have an imperfect daughter instead of a non existent one??

  10. #10
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    I'm sorry to post this

    You haven't said how old you are, Deenie; however, let me tell you something about parents. I am one myself, as are several others here. My daughter is bipolar. When we discovered this, it was actually a relief to me, and to her. We finally had a reason for the problems she was having...problems that needed solving. As her mother, I didn't want the perfect daughter, I wanted MY daughter...whoever she was! I wanted her healthy, and happy, and moving forward with her life. Those were the things that were important to me, as her mother.

    I have a feeling your mother feels just as I do. She loves you, darlin'. She's your mum! Give her a chance to help you and don't prejudge what she's looking for in you. Reach out to her with honesty about what you're feeling. That's what love is about. It's about being able to give something of yourself, and being able to help the child you dearly love to realize his/her full potential.

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