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  1. #71
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    Re: I'm a bit scared

    You say probably knew. How probable? Is it possible they didn't know?


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  2. #72
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    Re: I'm a bit scared

    Well, is it normal for a 10year old boy to tell the parents that he is going to check on his 4 and 5 year old sisters, take half an hour to do that and return to the parents and them not suspect anything, at all?? They must have heard something or thought something surely?
    In 3 words I can sum up everything I have learned about life....it goes on!!

  3. #73
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    I'm a bit scared

    I suspect that most parents would not have concluded immediately that he was up to no good. Perhaps they thought he was reading stories or comforting you. That he was abusing you would not be the first thing most parents would think, especially if he was only 10 at the time.

    I'm simply suggesting that when these things occur within families, often family members are unaware. They tend to think of the other family members as fairly normal and loving until confronted with direct evidence to the contrary.

    If they did know, your anger is justified. But what would be their motivation to knowingly allow him to abuse you? What would they gain by that and why would they want to do that?

  4. #74
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    Re: I'm a bit scared

    I don't know why they would allow him to do it? That's what I am struggling with to be honest!! My family have always buried their heads in the sand when there have been serious issues, almost ignore it and it will go away sort of thing!! It was never meant to be said out loud and I unfortunately did exactly that!! I am so confused!! Where did these feelings come from? One minute I feel totally responsible for all the devastation and the next thing I am considering the fact that it may have been a dark secret that was never meant to see the light of day!!
    In 3 words I can sum up everything I have learned about life....it goes on!!

  5. #75
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    Re: I'm a bit scared

    I think maybe,well at least for me,the back and forth of thoughts and feelings has been part of the healing process.Its hard and scary to face and accept things and especially to say/think that maybe it really wasn't your own fault and place the blame where it belongs.

    Both of my parents knew what was happening to me,I am 100% positive of that because there were times I could see my dad hiding and watching and did nothing to stop it.And when my mom saw it happening she blamed me and beat me for it.

    It has been a very long road to finally be able to say it was not my fault and truly believe it.I went through the back and forth thing too for a very long time.It is hard to even take a peek past all the self blame,self hatred,all the horrible feelings that go along with it and see things for how they really were instead of how we believed they were.

    It is hard to accept that the people that were supposed to love us and protect us failed us,for whatever reasons.I spent a lot of time trying to understand why,but I finally just accepted that I will never understand.It wouldn't change it anyway.

    I wish I knew what to say that would make you feel better.Or make things easier for you.

    What you're doing,working on this and facing it,is really hard.I think you are doing a good job.I think the back and forth is a good sign because it means you are brave enough to take a peek at the truth.

  6. #76
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    Re: I'm a bit scared

    Don't be scared... Like RDW advised, it's much easier to accept that you are upset, but this, too will pass. I know sometimes it gets uncomfortable when you're out in public, I've had a big crying jag at work before, but afterward I got over the embarrassment... I mean, it wasn't entirely my fault, I hadn't learned to "control" or calm down my emotions at the time because I hadn't been to a psychologist who gave me tools to work with.

    If possible, it might help to get some of your emotions and thoughts out before you venture into public. I've noticed, for example when I have racing thoughts at night, I then start to type in a word document on my computer, and try to make sense of how I am feeling and why. I kept having memories of me being mean or rude to people, that I had repressed, I guess, because when I'd be trying to sleep they'd come out because I was relaxed at night. I learned if I did a little relaxation/breathing/meditation before bed and jot down my thoughts/feelings of those experiences then the racing thoughts would go away. I might cry or feel the emotions at the computer instead of in bed when I was supposed to be sleeping. I hope something like this works for you. If you do a little 15-20 min relaxation/journaling before you go out of the house, and maybe even when you come back...

    And then you could even take what you wrote and email or bring a copy to your therapist.

    Can you try that and see if it helps??

    We're all human, and I don't think there's any one person who's never had an emotional moment in public at one time or another. Everyone from the youngest child to the highest position and age... Try to remember that. Some people at the store probably felt bad/empathized for you, but perhaps felt they didn't know you so didn't know if they could comfort you. Others who had never had a similar experience wouldn't be able to understand what they witnessed. Either way, how they choose to react is their problem, not yours. ♥
    (Formerly JollyGreenJellyBean)

    My dog is a human whisperer.

  7. #77
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    Re: I'm a bit scared

    I was looking at books on Amazon and thought of you Lonewolf.The kindle edition of this book is free right now.

    It's called Life After Abuse,a practical healing guide for survivors.

    518SKOuxd7L._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-v3-big,TopRight,0,-55_SX278_SY278_PIkin4,BottomRight.jpg
    Last edited by Steve; April 4th, 2015 at 12:06 PM. Reason: URL and Image Insert

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