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  1. #1

    Does violence ever really end?

    If someone physically hits you in a relationships and tends to lose his temper, but then the couple seperates for a certain amount of time, what happens then? Will that element of violence always remain a part of the person or the relationship b/c it is based on different levels of power in the 1st place? Say, they get back together, could it be that the earlier physical violence 'disappears' but now has been transformed into hostile verbal violence? Is there ever really a way "out" of this cycle? Btw, this is all assuming that neither partner persued therapy for the abuse.

  2. #2

    Does violence ever really end?

    If nothing else changes, you will tend to see a recreation of the same dynamics, whether in that relationship or in relationships with other people.

    On the other hand, if the angry/aggressive partner seeks treatment and is genuinely motivated to and committed to change, it is certainly very possible that s/he will be successful.

  3. #3

    Does violence ever really end?

    Eunoia,

    In addition to what David said, without the person who has been violent (be it physical or emotional) receiving therapy, there is not likely for him to change his behaviors. They can promise you the moon but I would not suggest reuniting until he has attended regular therapy for a considerable amount of time.

  4. #4

    Does violence ever really end?

    I agree wholeheartedly with David. If no action has been taken, on the abuser's part, to deal with his/her problems proactively, the same dynamics will be set up in any new relationship (or in the reinitiation of previous relationships). I'd be awfully careful about resuming any relationship with an untreated abuser.

  5. #5

    Does violence ever really end?

    I'm not actually in this relationship, I was only reflecting on past (?)relationships in my family... what I was trying to say is that I'm wondering even if the physical abuse is no longer a part of this relationship, could it be that it has been replaced w/ emotional abuse? I guess by virtue of not having "dealt" w/ the abuse in the 1st place as you have suggested? Also, if physical violence does occur but very sporadically or is only threatened, is this still abuse??? I know this should seem obvious, but it's not...

  6. #6

    Does violence ever really end?

    Here is a definition of domestic violence:

    "the physical, sexual, and/or psychological abuse to an individual perpetrated by a current or former intimate partner. While this term is gender-neutral, women are more likely to experience physical injuries and incur psychological consequences of intimate partner abuse." Threatening abuse is psychological abuse.

    Examples of domestic violence are:

    emotional abuse through mind games, name-calling, or put-downs
    isolation from family or friends
    economic abuse by withholding money or being prevented from getting or holding a job
    actual or threatened physical harm
    sexual assault
    stalking
    intimidation

    The violence can be criminal and includes physical assault (hitting, pushing, shoving, etc.), sexual abuse (unwanted, forced sexual activity), and stalking. Although emotional, psychological and financial abuse are not criminal behaviors, they are forms of domestic violence and can lead to criminal abuse.

    The violence takes many forms and can happen all the time or once in a while

  7. #7

    Does violence ever really end?

    The threat of physical violence, especially when there has been previous physical violence, is definitely an abusive act.

  8. #8

    Does violence ever really end?

    I think the person would have to admit to even having a problem before there is hope for change.

  9. #9

    Does violence ever really end?

    As much as I agree (that the person would have to 1st and foremost admit that there's a problem) this won't happen. It's always about "well, you made me mad enough to react this way". If it's not physical violence it's threatening something, be it in relation to $ or relationships or a plan... consequences of some sort I guess. There's definitely name calling, there's definitely put downs. Instead of reacting to this, it's become "normal", so it's just easier to "let it roll off of you" then to confront it and make the other person even more angry. I used to think this is giving in and being weak, but I was told it is being "diplomatic". Do you agree???

  10. #10

    Does violence ever really end?

    If that other person is taking ownership of the problem and trying to do something about it, then letting some behaviors go may be helpful and yes, "diplomatic".

    Otherwise, it seems to me it's more like allowing that person to continue to blame you for his/her problem. That doesn't sound good for either of you.

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