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  1. #11
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    Re: The Smear Campaign

    i discovered Narcissism, approx 2 years ago. after things had gone wrong and i couldnt explain why. They had always been wrong, but i had tried to make up. The fact i've watched the same things happen to my siblings was also a big giveaway. I havent just put it down to thats whats is wrong- i've in depth looked at it. And its like i'm on the trueman show. Everything... i mean Everything has a purpose and a reason for happening.
    I predicted that she would contact social services last year, and so i guarded myself heavily. Maybe that paid off.

    And now i can look at myself and say- i care too much about what others think- and this is something i need to deal with. There are so many attributes that i need to deal with. All have come to light. I dont think i will ever be fully healed. But its just another chapter. Of a very long journey.
    The feelings i've felt, I'm sure most of you have also gone through the same.
    The call to social services- was part of a smear campaign designed at exposing me. luckily they saw through. The allegations where truths that had been twisted, child punishment of putting my child in their room as time out, was 'locking my child in a room.' etc... awful... and getting much worse.

    And this call had been made because i dared to marry the father of my children and not invite her.
    We had no rules. at all. And we were isolated. completely. our only contact was at school. and we could not socialise with anyone outside of school. we would go and work on her farm when we finished school.
    i cant access the facebook page... i will try again...
    I need to invest in the books. thank you for your words they mean alot.

  2. #12
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    Re: The Smear Campaign

    I think the work you do on and for yourself will pay off for you. You can heal yourself and have a wonderful life. With help you can stop the legacy of the family for your children.
    Change begins when you practice ordinary courage

  3. #13
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    Re: The Smear Campaign

    and setting boundaries with her... i could not contemplate anything that would go against her wishes. i had to have no contact for my own mind.

  4. #14
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    Re: The Smear Campaign

    about 3 months ago- my sister approached me with 2 cats in the box- i had just woken up and didnt know what was in the box- she said just wondered if you would do a huge favour and rehome these- she was holding a bag of guinea pig food- i thought sure... looked inside to adult tom cats- i said no way, i have to many and i dont need anymore- she replies 'oh i thought i could rely on you, thats why i came here, i could of gone somewhere else but thought you could rehome them...' i said no i work full time blah blah blah... she talked me round...
    my husband came home.... 'what have you got them for'
    'oh im helping my sister'
    'we dont have room'
    'well she asked me too'
    'we dont have room... did you REALLY want them?'

    i took them back to her- she blew up at me and told me i was useless and she expected better of me....

    anyway- i noticed she had been advertising the cats online

    last week- 3 months after she brought the cat to me... one of the cats is living in my shed...!!! does that not just sum up the calibre of my family!!!
    she had dumped it on my shed.

  5. #15
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    Re: The Smear Campaign

    Yeah, when people are used to you bending over backward for them, they get downright ornary when you actually start laying down healthy boundaries. It pisses them off that you don't have a rubber spine anymore.

    And, yes, that was very rude and thoughtless of any relative/person to leave an animal at your house when you specifically said you didn't want to/didn't have time, etc. It may take some time, but keep it up, because (in my humble opinion) to give in is to enable their pushy behaviour. ♥
    (Formerly JollyGreenJellyBean)

    My dog is a human whisperer.

  6. #16
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    Re: The Smear Campaign

    What an awful thing for her to do.I'm so sorry. What a lack of regard/respect for another person's time or right to make their own choices and priorities, as well as for the wellbeing of the poor kitty.

  7. #17
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    Re: The Smear Campaign

    i've found a lovely home for the cat- and he'll be looked after. i was tempted to take it back but i wont give them the satisfaction. My husband is struggling today- he cant believe that my mums destructive behaviour could have cost us our children. I'm so glad i distanced myself 18months ago when i realized just how dangerous she was.

    I've found a web page- on gaslighting...

    narcissisticbehavior.net/the-effects-of-gaslighting-in-narcissistic-victim-syndrome

    I've never looked into this before- but it explains an awful lot- imparticular the relationship breakdown of my sister and her husband. Its sad that they didnt make it but they married him- when my mother thought he was wonderful, and because she thought he was wonderful so did everyone else.
    And when he said- she's my wife now, the cards turned.

    its awful how predicatable this all is.

  8. #18
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    Re: The Smear Campaign

    Positive at least that you two have escaped that, and you've got the different perspective and resources so that you'll be able to understand things and look out for yourselves. Hang in there Poppy.

  9. #19
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    Re: The Smear Campaign

    just re-read the first post- all the evil things she has done to me... she wanted to ruin my life.... because she wanted me at her beckoned call- did she enjoy destroying everything i worked o hard for? my degree.... she dismissed it... i've got a degree- but im still stupid...

    eugh its infuriating... all the nasty evil things she's done and said- i've ended up telling a few of my work colleagues, a few things... they're all horrified... if only they knew all of it.... honestly... cannot believe how someone could want to DESTROY someone else's life! sick.

  10. #20
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    Re: The Smear Campaign

    It is not that she wants to destroy "someone else life" you are seen as property a thing rather than a human with feeling and emotions

    Narcissistic parents from the off set think of their children as possessions that they can pick up put down and toy with for their pleasure.

    It is difficult not to bring emotion into your thinking when it is a parent but when you manage to look at things out with how you feel about it the behavior is childish and cruel.

    Both my parents (my father until his dying day) think of MY children as theirs I will regularly through third parties be told they have been complaining about not seeing THEIR grandchildren even though they have never supported me or shown any meaningful interest in them(or myself)...yet they still think of my children as their property.

    It is tough when you have to face people you care for and you get this behavior in return but you do get to the stage were you can:

    A) shrug it off (no matter how much vitriol is involved)
    B) appreciate so much the family dynamics with your own kids and partner that are far healthier and,
    C) you end up just feeling sorry for them.

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