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Thread: Flatmates...?

  1. #1
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    Flatmates...?

    I've lived alone for almost a year now. Although I've really liked it, there's a large financial downside. I feel as though I should go find myself a flatmate and just try and be a normal person for awhile, or at least until I can save up enough to buy a place of my own. I can't imagine living with anyone though.

    Just saying "good morning" is hard enough if there's any chance of continued attempt at small talk, but I'm happy to deal with that when I'm out or at work or whatever... Just not where I live. I need a space for "just me" without having to worry about small talk in the kitchen. It's not even an option to go out to be by myself because of online commitments... Then there's the additional issue where people grow resentful of flatmates who hide in their rooms and don't want to spend any time together. As if that's even an option.

    Within this 'year' living alone, there were 2 months with my cousin. Even though she's a lot like me in terms of being quiet and keeping to herself, I found myself trying to spend as little time as possible in the common areas, making the quickest meals I could chuck on a plate before zapping back to eat in my room. I imprison myself, but I just want to be alone in peace, not alone in hiding. It's just going to be the same, if not worse, with a near-stranger.

    I don't know what to do. It's no longer worth the extra $115/wk , even if it's going to be too much for me to handle.

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    Re: Flatmates...?

    Can you try and find someone who needs a place but is away a lot, like a flight attendant? Then you get the financial benefit of a roommate without actually having them there a lot.

    Or, instead of finding yourself a roommate, can you find a way to make more money...ie pick up a part time job, so you don't need a roommate and don't have the financial stress either?

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    Re: Flatmates...?

    or at least until I can save up enough to buy a place of my own.


    In regards to owning vs. renting/leasing, what about lease to own at another place later on (assuming your current landlord doesn't offer that)?

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    Re: Flatmates...?

    I like Turtles suggestion of making a little more cash so you can live by yourself. I don't think the extra money a roommate brings in is worth being uncomfortable in your own home.
    Change begins when you practice ordinary courage

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    Re: Flatmates...?

    Quote Originally Posted by Turtle View Post
    Can you try and find someone who needs a place but is away a lot, like a flight attendant?
    I like this line of thinking. So if you live near a medical school, maybe they have a bulletin board for roommates, etc.

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    Re: Flatmates...?

    Is your definition of flat-mate a house or an apartment? If it was a house and they had a basement suite, an had all their own appliances and such, and their own bathroom, then you'd hardly see them...

    If it's an apartment, I could understand why it would be tougher... Have you thought of investing in a house and furnishing a basement suite, or buying a duplex? These might be unreasonable suggestions, but heck even my husband and I prefer our own company. Even when he has guitar students over I sometimes go outside or in my room to read or something.

    Maybe right now, as was mentioned, you could either get a different job that pays more instead, or try to find an arrangement where your flat-mate wouldn't be around very much...

    It sounds like you almost need to be in a situation where you go somewhere else for just a little while, for instance a social gathering/regular meeting like dance classes, or art classes, or computer games, or whatever, some kind of a club that you have a regular outing once or twice a week for about an hour, or at least with the option that you can come and go as you like. Something casual and not stuffy where you don't feel pressure to socialize, necessarily. Maybe instead of bringing someone to you, you can bring yourself out of your flat to meet others... You can always make an excuse that way, "Oh I can only stay for a while, I have an appointment/visit planned."

    If it's about control, then that would be the way to go. You have less control when someone is living with you full time, whereas you have the most control when you go out. Perhaps you don't feel helpless when you have the ability to control the environment/circumstances?

    lol On the other hand if you WANT to learn to give up the idea of always being in control, then getting a flatmate might do the trick.

    Personally though, I would also hate the idea of having a stranger move in to live with me. Even with a host of references. It would be nice if (s)he was at least a friend of a friend, or a friend's uncle's neighbour's newspaper carrier's ex husband's grandma's cousin's nephew. lol
    (Formerly JollyGreenJellyBean)

    My dog is a human whisperer.

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    Re: Flatmates...?

    I once had a roommate who was a paramedic. Never ever home. It was awesome. If I went back to a roommate situation I'd be looking for an absentee roommate for sure. They do exist and aren't hard to find.

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    Re: Flatmates...?

    Thanks everyone. I've been introduced to someone at work who'll soon have a room available where he's living... I think I need to see if that'd be compatible.
    I've looked into lease-to-own arrangements, but there doesn't appear to be many here and they generally seem to be too far away from the city. Since I don't drive, location is a major factor. The bus route to work is ridiculous unless you happen to be right along it.

    Anyway, I guess the plan for the first half of this week is to try and speak to the guy at work and see what sort of flatmate he'd be comfortable with and what he's like and stuff.

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