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  1. #1

    So much happening

    I was laid off work at the end of October, and since then I've been to career transition workshops, meeting with a career counsellor, working with clients in my new consulting business, and going to Xmas functions. So many people, but no one to talk to about all the changes and upheaval. It's been fun, but it's all surface.

    All the changes are scary, and I've been having a hard time sleeping, with unpleasant dreams in the few hours that I do manage to sleep.

    I want so badly for things to work out well, but I'm so afraid I'm going to do or say the wrong thing and mess it all up.

    In many ways it all feels wonderful, like I've always wanted it to be, but I'm afraid it won't last. That I won't be able to handle it all, and it'll all be lost.

    I'm sorry to be so incoherent. There's so many things all churned up inside that it's hard to sort through it all.

    Thank you for listening.

  2. #2

    Re: So much happening

    You are not incoherent hun i hear you and of course all this upheaval will bring some anxiety on. You are doing great just take one day at a time ok I am glad things also feel wonderful change for the good right. Good you are talking here we care and we will listen and you are handling it and you will handle it hun try not to worry ok i know that is hard to do though hugs
    Words always stay inside ones soul

  3. #3

    Re: So much happening

    Hi Mudpuppy when I read your thread I read a lot of "WHAT IF". That is a sure way to have anxiety and it really does a lot of damage to our nervous system. And the thing of it is ... it does not exist... its all mind fabrication... I know I've been there and I ended up hospitalized for HBP High blood pressure anxiety related.

    I noticed whenever I have anxiety I am able to put "what if" in front of the concern. If I can suggest that when you are in your mind which we all seem to spend a lot of time there and you start feeling stress anxiety ask yourself if your "what if" thought is a "what is". If its a what if then it does not exist.... its not real... the only thing real about is is the value you are giving it.... and if it is "what is" then that is real and can be addressed with an action plan. I speak from experience I know what you are going through. And for sleep well as soon as you enter the mind of what if ... stop and breath as deep as you can and only think about breathing. think about how you are caring for your body by feeding it oxygen. Also if you force a big smile your body will be less tense and you will calm down. It should work

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    2,535

    Re: So much happening

    Feel free to spill out some of the thoughts or worries here if you like.... and I really like Ftwbgil's way of expressing the what ifs vs what is, I'm going to remember that...

    It is so so hard sometimes to remind our body and nervous system of this.... so easily, our body and nervous system starts feeling like the topic is a "what is" - like the feared thing has already happened and is here right now.

    Something that pulls some people out of their mind and what ifs and into the true 'what is', is yoga movements/stretching and the breathing that goes with it.... Sometimes it's the way of having to focus on the tensing or stretching of the right muscle group, and at the same time holding a breath or slowly inhaling or exhaling, plus then the way that it floods oxygen and blood flow into certain parts of the body and interrupts the pattern of what the brain was previously doing.

    I'm often surprised at the results even when I (in bed) just inhale deeply, tense/squish/stretch and hold a certain muscle group a few seconds, then let go and exhale slowly and breathe deeply, then move on to the next muscle area. Don't forget the face, head, jaw, neck, shoulder, chest, abdominal muscles. You may be able to find youtube audios to guide you as you do it if you prefer - it may be under yoga breathing or progressive muscle relaxation (I think).

    Wow! You are doing every awesome thing I can think of in terms of navigating this next phase for yourself and transitioning from the old one. There is no reason not to believe that your results in doing so will be as good as they can possibly be, as far as it depends upon you. We can't control everything or perform perfectly - all we can do is our imperfect best as we move toward something. We can get feedback, learn things and try to grow, but we simply won't be able to ensure that absolutely every result or opportunity works out first time around by achieving perfect performance in every moment....

    Those what ifs are so familiar though. That's our mind trying to control our world and achieve total certainty. It just doesnt want to let go and accept that we can't. It's that thing we can't have. And when we forget this, our mind stresses out running and running after it, thinking it could catch it if it just keeps running....

    I actually forget that ultimately I can't control plenty of things, avoid every error or failure, or force some outcome. I simply forget. But the moment when I again remember and accept this fact and let go somewhat, I feel better. I either just feel better and relax, or I become more actually useful to myself by switching to an action that contributes to what I want, or just to good health and life and feeling balanced or positive... equals confidence and as good results as possible.

    (And flubs will happen and there is life after.... a flub or failure is not the end of the story; steps can then be taken following on from there....)

    I remember Eckhart Tolle in The Power of Now talking about that.... The mind is a tool to work on a problem or achieve something, but even once it has done what it can, it wants to look for new ones, or create a problem to solve....

    But we can just wink at its antics sometimes when it tries to do this.... It is like any other tool; when we have finished using it for a time, we lay it down... it's a good resource that one, for we worriers. Another good one I'll suggest is When Panic Attacks by David Burns.

    Yoi may also find benefit in exploring the six core processes of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy/Training too. Here's an introduction, and scroll down for free audios/resources too.

    The Six Core Processes of ACT | Association for Contextual Behavioral Science

    You are doing awesome things and have so much to offer. Sometimes after a life curveball though (or a few at once!), some part of us blames ourselves or just gets exhausted and battered, and concludes maybe we're not awesome. But don't. (And if you get stuck sometimes, dont be afraid to seek out a chance to talk it over in person with a CBT therapist or the like.) I honestly find you very tenacious and resourceful and danged hardworking. Whatever happens, I don't think good things will stay away from you too long.

  5. #5

    Re: So much happening

    Thank you, everyone. I really like the "what is" approach, and the yoga approach of breathing and staying in the moment; one day at a time. I've been working on both, and they're helping calm things down a bit. Having a break over the holidays helped, too. It was a nice chance to take a deep breath mentally, step back a bit, and regroup. It's still scary, but not quite as overwhelming.

    Thank you for listening, for your suggestions, and for your very kind words. I'm still feeling like one giant exposed nerve, so I'm going to call a counselling service. This roller coaster of emotion is exhausting. I had hoped it would get better once I was out of the craziness, but it seems to be getting worse.

  6. #6

    Re: So much happening

    Good for you reaching out for some support when you need it mudpuppy I hope you get into counseling soon as just talking to someone will help you feel not so alone
    Words always stay inside ones soul

  7. #7

    Re: So much happening

    Aaaand the counsellor I was to see tomorrow has called in sick, so I won't be able to get in for 2 weeks. "It's not urgent, is it?" No, ma'am, I guess it's not.

    :hopelessness:

  8. #8

    Re: So much happening

    Oh dear! What other support do you have to help you through until you can see a counsellor?

  9. #9

    Re: So much happening

    My mom, my bf, and here, mostly. I was hoping to give my poor mom & bf a break, maybe get some suggestions, or at least a different perspective on things. I have something that might turn unpleasant happening on Monday, and I'd really hoped to be able to discuss it in advance. Two weeks from now isn't nearly as helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    2,535

    Re: So much happening

    Feel free to chat more about it here if you wish Mudpuppy.

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