Thanks Thanks:  19
Likes Likes:  0
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 15

Thread: Can't bury it

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    474
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Can't bury it

    As a youngster, I mastered the art of burying my emotions and it got through the hardest times of my life like this!! It worked for me!!! I managed!!
    But did I? Is this what has made most of my adult life a living hell? I don't remember any of the good times as a kid, there must have been some??
    Since the **** hit the wall, I have somehow lost the skills I learnt to survive before I was 15 years old, I can't pretend anymore! I think I have buried so much, it's over flowing now!! I still repress my emotions when im in certain situations, but they all spill out when im alone!! And then they frighten me because I don't have control!!
    I wish I could bring back the skill of burying it all again, maybe dig another hole?? I have had the painful past and present issues bought up to the surface alot recently and I would do anything to put it all together in a box and put it in the deepest hole I could dig! I could be happy, I wouldn't have the constant reminder everytime I am brave enough to look in the mirror! !
    I have either got to bury it all or bury myself!! I am not getting any help at the moment apart from a support worker I can chat with!!! It's not getting any easier! ! Why can't I just bury it all??
    And leave it there?? Why can't I become a hard nut and then nothing would worry or upset me, not a care in the world!! No fear of anything! Not needing anyone! People wouldn't mess with me!! Maybe even scared of me and that would give me some power back!!
    I'd love to not give a hoot about anyone or anything! Will the ability to switch these thoughts and feelings off ever com back?? I had it once!!! And I am annoyed with the people who opened me up to this world of pain and anguish, I don't think has done me much good!!
    Sorry, I don't mean to upset anyone, im hurting and im angry!!
    In 3 words I can sum up everything I have learned about life....it goes on!!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    3,415
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Re: can't bury it!!!

    Sorry you're hurting.

    I think,maybe,that we get to a point where we can't bury everything anymore because we are able to handle it.

    I wish you could find some kind of help.Have you searched online for support groups for your specific issues?What about the one I told you about in a PM?Did you check it out yet? Are there any face to face support groups where you live?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    6,460
    Mentioned
    33 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Re: can't bury it!!!

    I was told that as a child we buried it all so we could survive it j ust happened but now we are adults the past will come back because we as adults will be able to confront it and do what is necessary to heal ourselves With support i hope you deal with past hun I understand the want to bury it i do and i too am angry for it being brought to surface as i was functioning now i am not but in time perhaps we both will gain control again hugs
    Words always stay inside ones soul

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    474
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Re: can't bury it!!!

    Thanks for the link in the PM, I have had a look at it and it may be of use to me!!!
    Unfortunately, there are no groups for this here and im a bit concerned about attending one if i could ever find one, vulnerability and all that!!!
    Thankyou all for everything you do!!! X
    In 3 words I can sum up everything I have learned about life....it goes on!!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    474
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Re: can't bury it!!!

    Just need to feel safe!! Im finding life very scary! Have been watching horror films because I thought I could hide in the fact that they are someone elses nightmares im seeing, and not my own flashing infront of me! And now I am scared of every little noise and shadow so really I haven't done myself any good at all!! I am trying so hard not to give into the urge of ODing! Trying to distract myself, but I just end up back there!! Wondering! Contemplating!
    In 3 words I can sum up everything I have learned about life....it goes on!!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    6,460
    Mentioned
    33 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Re: can't bury it!!!

    ODing will only cause you more problems hun so do n't go there ok you do not want to deal with after affects try turning on some quiet music to calm your mind or turn on a comedy somethng that will make you laugh ok I am sorry you do not feel safe but you are hun no one is there to harm you now h ugs
    Words always stay inside ones soul

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    3,415
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Re: can't bury it!!!

    Please don't do anything you will regret later. The way you are feeling will eventually pass.

    I have been in your shoes many times,and I understand how hard it is not feeling safe and being afraid of every little sound,or even your own shadow on the wall.

    Do you have a favorite movie?One that no matter how many times you have seen it,you love watching it again and again?Find one of those,curl up on the couch with a soft blanket,get yourself some hot tea or milk and just try to let yourself enjoy it.

    (Leave the lights on though,all of them if you need to.When I am feeling that way I even sleep with the light on.)

    ---------- Post Merged on April 9th, 2014 at 08:15 AM ---------- Previous Post was on April 8th, 2014 at 09:32 PM ----------

    Lonewolf,I woke up this morning thinking about you and wondering how you are feeling.I hope you are doing better.

    Do you work?Or do you have any hobbies or anything to keep you busy? Just curious.I work part-time,which is difficult a lot of times,but it gives me a reason to get out of bed and a way to keep my mind occupied;that's why I hold on to this job.Sometimes I think about quitting(actually a lot of the time I do),but I don't want to go back to just being at home all the time and lost in my own thoughts.

    If you don't work,is there some where you would like to volunteer? I volunteered at a homeless shelter years ago,I helped prepare and serve meals.It was very helpful. I don't know about where you live,but here,there's many different places to help out,animal shelters,hospitals,etc. If you do something like that,not only will it give you something to do to distract yourself,it will make you feel better about yourself.It feels good to help others.And it's a good way to make new friends too.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    3,415
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Re: Can't bury it

    Just wondering how you're doing Lonewolf.Hope you're doing okay.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    397
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Re: Can't bury it

    Are you ok Lonewolf? Haven't heard from you in a while...hope you are alright xx hope to hear from you soon...

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    474
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Re: Can't bury it

    Hi! Ive been pre-occupide lots of stuff!
    I took alot of meds and only woke up yesterday after a couple of days of being really knocked sideways by what I did to myself!
    I have been trying to work through some stuff, but im struggling with the way it leaves me feeling! don't know if it's doing me any good?? It feels lonely and very painful! And as I have said before im i struggle with the emotional agonies!!
    I have avoided s/h but not in the safest way, it may no be the most safe way, but its a way none the less!!!
    The internet is a very dangerous place when you are not in a good state of mind and its so easy acesss sites that are potentially leathel and I got so sucked in by it, I almost signed up to a suicide pact!!
    Thanks for asking about me, its comforting!
    I fewl like im slipping away into my own terrifying world! Locked in!
    Sorry, I apologise! It seems like I have never said anything positive on this forum!! Please know I do appreciate you guys being there, alot!! Wish I could be cheerful, but it doesn't appear to be in my vocabulary! Im a misery!!
    I am sorry! I hope that someone will tell me if im just a miserable nuisance!! I apologise again!!
    In 3 words I can sum up everything I have learned about life....it goes on!!

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Disclaimer: PsychLinks is not responsible for the content of posts or comments by forum members.

Additional Forum Web Design by PsychLinks
© All rights reserved.