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  1. #1
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    Jul 2005
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    I don't know if therapy is for me anymore

    Today I had my second last session before we finish until January. I didn't feel good at all when I left. I felt like he really came down on me hard. And he did - and rightfully so. We'd kinda gotten off track lately and we both let our guard down, and now I'm relapsing, so he's laying down the smack. I don't like it. I was really angry when I left. So angry that I emailed him to cancel our last session.

    Is it ok to want to take a "time out"? I don't really know what my goals are anymore or what direction I want this to take. Lately we'd just been "hanging out" and talking about turtles and dogs and parrots and I was rather enjoying that. I think, really, I'm just mad so I'm pulling a pout and saying "I'm not going".

    I asked him to call me and confirm "if it's ok" that I'm cancelling. I have to see him Wednesday to drop off my dog, and I'm a little nervous about that, because I don't want to have to explain why I cancelled Tuesday. But I can't lie to him either....

    I just don't know how I feel about this anymore. Maybe I can cut back from twice a week to once a week? I don't know...I'm just thinking....
    ~ Allow yourself to be the light that the world so desperately needs. ~ Unknown

  2. #2

    I don't know if therapy is for me anymore

    I know that for me I have taken a week or so off sometimes b/c I need time to process things...my suggestion would be not to just stop theraphy all together but to think about why you are so mad that he came on you even though you say that he should have....sometimes I get mad at my therapist when he says something that i know is true but don't really want to deal w/....take some time to sit down and think about what he said that made you mad...also write down what your goals for theraphy are and ask your therapist what he thinks the goals should be and see how they compare...if you are both going in totally different directions either decide on a plan of action together or possibly look for a new therapist that is more in line w/ you goals....usually if I have the urge to just stop therapy all together it is b/c I am about to tackle something really hard that I don't want to deal with...I hope this helps and that things work out for you!
    Kelsey
    How can you have a beautiful ending without making beautiful mistakes.

  3. #3
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    I don't know if therapy is for me anymore

    Hey Kelsey,

    Thanks for your advice. I've asked him a couple times where he thinks I need to go, and I've told him I don't know what my goals are. I know what HIS goals are for me. I know he wants me to stop cutting, which I've said fine, I'll try, but it doesn't bother me and I don't see it as a big problem, so that will be tougher. He wants me to deal with the PTSD and negative thoughts and self image. I just feel like we're beating a dead horse at this point.

    Finding a new therapist isn't really an option - he charges me next to nothing and I would not find another therapist that would charge me this little. And he does help *alot*; I'm just running out of energy for this. Maybe it's the time of year and everything that's going on. Maybe a few weeks off will be a good thing and I'll feel better about it in the New Year. I don't know. I just don't know.
    ~ Allow yourself to be the light that the world so desperately needs. ~ Unknown

  4. #4

    I don't know if therapy is for me anymore

    I think Kels gave a lot of really good suggestions... since you've been seeing this therapist since a while now and you generaly seems to have a pretty good c-t relationship, why not bring up your concerns with him? I know you said you don't know what your goals are but there must be some reason why're you're in therapy... if you truly didn't think any of those issues were of any concern to you, then you wouldn't be there, right? I think at times we can perceive something as 'normal' or 'okay', not b/c it is when you think about it, but b/c it's become your 'normal' and life is still 'working' to some extent, right? so it's difficult to be motivated to change anything about this if you're cruising along just fine, well, or so it seems... but my point is, if life really is so good, then what's the point of si, for ex? if there's nothing to deal with and you're able to cope with things, then why would you or anyone else even need si? (I know si isn't the only prob, it's only an ex.).

    I think you have every right to sit down w/ him and reevaluate your goals and direction. Get some feedback fron him and how he thinks therapy is going, his expectations, your expectations... what do you want from him? what do you need from him? how can he help you besides from just 'hanging out'? If you feel like taking a break is what you need right now, I don't see why you can't do that, but just make sure it's not b/c you're running away from dealing w/ things... those things will still be there in January. that's why at least talking about it w/ him might help. it'd be so much easier (in the S/T) if people would just let us continue on our paths and not point out the potential problem with those choices, but I would think for a therapist this is exactly what they are supposed to do. they can't live your life for you but they also shouldn't just stand by...

    the thing is, if those goals are his goals and not yours, I don't see how you can truly ever achieve them, and even if you do, will that make 'life' better? no. b/c if those aren't your goals you're only pleasing someone else. his 'right' or 'normal' might not be what that is for you. but then what is it? I think you might want to think about that. One thing I figured out for myself is that it doesn't help talking to someone, working on that person's goals in terms of what they think is right for me if those goals aren't in line w/ mine... trust me, I tried, thinking that eventually things would be better but obviously they didn't get better b/c we were going in 2 totally different directions... but it's up to you to communicate those things.

  5. #5

    I don't know if therapy is for me anymore

    Hi BG,

    Who are you angry with? Your therapist for wanting to help you find your path again or are you angry with yourself for relapsing? If you choose to not return to your therapist are you not shooting yourself in the foot so to speak? I agree with the others about communicating with your therapist regarding any issues you are experiencing. I hope things work out for you and you are able to work through this experience. Take care,

  6. #6

    I don't know if therapy is for me anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by BG
    I have to see him Wednesday to drop off my dog, and I'm a little nervous about that, because I don't want to have to explain why I cancelled Tuesday.
    This part confused me - what does it mean? What does your dog have to do with anything?

  7. #7
    Join Date
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    I don't know if therapy is for me anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by David Baxter
    Quote Originally Posted by BG
    I have to see him Wednesday to drop off my dog, and I'm a little nervous about that, because I don't want to have to explain why I cancelled Tuesday.
    This part confused me - what does it mean? What does your dog have to do with anything?
    Sorry - he is dog sitting for me over the holidays so I have to drop the little guy off - and I'm afraid he's going to say "So, what's going on? What was last night about?".
    ~ Allow yourself to be the light that the world so desperately needs. ~ Unknown

  8. #8
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    I don't know if therapy is for me anymore

    Dr. Dobson,

    I am angry with him - I'm not angry with myself. I don't care that I SI - but he always makes it out to be such a terrible thing - and I'm sick of hearing about it, and the accompanying "threats" - "If it doesn't stop I'll have to refer you to someone else" - he KNEW long before he took me on that I SI, so I don't understand why he feels he can't deal with it. It's not like I sprung it on him three months into our sessions.

    Anyway, I was thinking about it last night - I just need to take a step back, figure out my goals, what I want, if I even need to still be going, etc etc. I obviously have a very good relationship with him so I'm not saying anything to you people that I wouldn't say to him, I just need to think it through with some outside help first so I don't go off the edge.
    ~ Allow yourself to be the light that the world so desperately needs. ~ Unknown

  9. #9

    I don't know if therapy is for me anymore

    he is dog sitting for me over the holidays so I have to drop the little guy off - and I'm afraid he's going to say "So, what's going on? What was last night about?".
    Is there no one else who you could ask to do this?

    I have to say this worries me just a bit - it sounds at face value like one of those "blurry boundaries" issues: Is he a friend, neighbor, dog-sitter, or therapist?

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
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    I don't know if therapy is for me anymore

    I have to say this worries me just a bit - it sounds at face value like one of those "blurry boundaries" issues: Is he a friend, neighbor, dog-sitter, or therapist?
    I didn't have anyone else I could ask, and he offered, so I took him up on it. He's a friend, therapist, spiritual director, confessor, dog-sitter...we joke that he provides an all-inclusive service.

    There's definitely blurred boundaries - but we've always had a multi-dimensional relationship. Him being my therapist is just one part of it.
    ~ Allow yourself to be the light that the world so desperately needs. ~ Unknown

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