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  1. #1
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    Doing ok. Wish it would stay that way

    hello,
    it's been a while. I am slowly recovering came to the conclusion that every effort i thought i was doing before was nothing compared to the real fight , really putting all of me in it. I did in-patient and then day-hospital, while in that treatment i entered a specialized treatment for PTSD finished that in march. I went back to my old therapist and that helped a great deal. I am still not perfect i still have restrictive moments and am not at 100% in my meal plan. I decided to in-spite of that end the eating disorder treatment because i am so much better than i was a year ago i felt the rest is mostly up to me and really all about what i am willing to do. I went back to work after a 2 year medical leave of absence changed jobs to a much more satisfying and secure position. Everything changed in the last couple of months. I still have my behaviors but i try to also be more social do things that before my eating disorder prevented me to do. I go out with friends sometimes even out for diner or meals. Things shifted for me in the last months i finally realized what i want and what i need to reach those goals. My boyfriend and i are thinking about kids some day soon when i will be completing my meal plan. things were doing great and they still are but obstacles come hit you at the moment when you think you can beat everything and they are there to test you i guess at least i am trying to convince myself of that. I was in a bike accident a week and a half ago on my way to work I hurt pretty much everything on the left side of my body but spared my head. I spent 2 days in the hospital and since then have basically been bed-ridden. having everybody basically blame my bridal bones on me and my bad nutrition makes me feel horrible on top of that no bike no walking no running no exercise at all. I trying to keep it together trying not to lose my mind its really hard. The emergency dr. perscribed morphine for the pain mixed with my other meds for depression and anxiety not really sure it made for a perfect mix my eating disorder is freaking out not being able to move is not helping with eating regularly its just so hard to remain positive. i don't get why it just doesn't quit.
    ashley
    Life is all a perception. Do you see what I see? ...
    The more I fade away, the more they want me to stay...

  2. #2
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    Re: doing ok. wish it would stay that way

    So nice to hear from you AK although not nice about the accident. I have two friends who are also doing better so I am sure you can do it too. Since you are injured do you think you could sit back and let other people spoil you for a bit? Just look sore and sweet and ask them to make something nice for you to eat even if it is just a smoothie or something to nibble on that you like. I think it is very rude for anyone to put blame on someone when they are having difficulties so please do not listen to that. Take good care of you.

  3. #3
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    Re: Doing ok. Wish it would stay that way

    Thanks Ashley-Kate for the update on how you are doing. who ever it is that is blaming you well just shut those words out ok don't listen to them I am glad you went and got some help some therapy for you and your old therapist is still working with you as well. You rest and you heal ok take care of you you are very important to us here
    Words always stay inside ones soul

  4. #4
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    Re: Doing ok. Wish it would stay that way

    hey,
    I'm back on my feet again it's been about 2 weeks. Feels good. I sort of took back some old patterns trying to get back on track now. It's frustrating i guess when everyone around me seems to look for just that a relapse i spend my time worrying about my weight questionning if i am fat or if i am thin and i have everyone around me scanning me on a regular basis to make sure i haven't lost anything contrary to what they may think it only makes me more self concious. I know they don't intend on it being that way but knowing that they are checking me only makes me wonder what exactly do they think .. do they think i am fat or do they think i lost weight. I fear that they suddenly see that i am really fat and that they have nothing to worry about that i could not possibly relapse because i am so big my mind races constantly. My shrink has been on vacation for the past month so funny story ... it's been hell. going through the accident plus him on vacation and just really freaking out. he comes back next wednesday. I'm doing ok don'T get me wrong i try my best to not fall back to far in my e-d i sadly went and signed up to a gym yet still fallow the rules i have made to not go to the gym alone always with a friend and never go more often than she does(she has a healthy relationship with food as well as exercise) I also find it easier to jog without going over board when i have a machine set to stop at the correct amount of time. I work 4 days a week sometimes 5 and that really helps me with food intake as well as limiting my exercise. I am terrified of falling back to far yet at the same time i am terrified of not having this e-d to limit me in some way so i don'T go eat too much or become lazy.. i would like to find a midle where the e-d and me can live together in harmony yet i am well aware that i always lose when i try to do that. it's exhausting to try to keep going i am trying to keep my eye on my plan one day have kids and be happy. it's hard when feeling too much floats over that and scares me into other thoughts.
    Life is all a perception. Do you see what I see? ...
    The more I fade away, the more they want me to stay...

  5. #5
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    Re: Doing ok. Wish it would stay that way

    Godd to hear you are having better days, Ashley. You have been through a lot in your young life and you have come a long way in your recovery.

    Well done. Hard work I know but worth it.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  6. #6
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    Re: Doing ok. Wish it would stay that way

    Thanks Ashley for letting us know that you are having better days and that with balance you can live a healthier life style.
    It is hard work but you can do it you are doing it. You should be very proud of YOU hugs
    Words always stay inside ones soul

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