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  1. #1
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    Unsure what gender I identify as

    As stated in the title. The gender role that I was born into has often not really felt right. Historically I've just put it down to the expected role and not sharing some of those main characteristics, and usually that's been enough to move on from. Now I'm wondering if it may be the gender itself.

    I've can't remember having ever been comfortable identifying my body as being the gender that it is. I want to find out if I could accept it if it looked like the opposite, and if I'd be happier being interacted with and referred to as a member of the opposite gender.

    In general I need to find out who I am and stop being afraid to be that person, but right now this feels like the single point of failure

  2. #2
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    Re: Unsure what gender I identify as

    I'm partially at a loss for words on how to respond, Gooblax, yet there's a huge part of me that wants to reply.

    Individuals who go through gender reassignment surgery are usually required to live as the gender they are transitioning to for a minimum of one year, in addition to undergoing extensive medical and psychological testing.

    Now, just because you don't identify with your gender doesn't necessarily mean you want to transition to the opposite gender. There's always the "in between" area which can be a hard spot to be in.

    I don't know where I fall either, if it makes you feel any better. I've defeminised myself as much as I can. I've had a hysterectomy and a breast reduction and I have short hair. I don't wear any make up. So I don't like being girly but I wouldn't want to be a guy either. I just don't fit.

    Is that kind of where you're at, Gooblax?

  3. #3
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    Re: Unsure what gender I identify as

    Thanks for the reply and for sharing your experience with me Turtle.

    I'm not sure where I sit so at the moment I guess I'm in the middle like you mentioned, but I'm not sure if the other gender would or wouldn't be right for me. There's been plenty of times over the years where I've thought in passing that it would make more sense if I was the opposite gender, but giving it serious consideration is different and difficult without knowing what that would really entail. This past week has been the first time I've ever seriously started looking into what it would be like to transition. I know I'm not ready to make the call one way or the other, but I'm not sure what I need to do to figure it out and be ready.

  4. #4
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    Re: Unsure what gender I identify as

    I just wanted to add an entirely subjective thought as well... Not to diminish or invalidate transgenderness in any way, but sometimes I also wonder whether an element of the discomfort some people experience, could be partly due to 'society' stuff that could be different...

    For example, I know in different parts of the world or even different families, there are different degrees of "genderising" children.

    Sometimes I wonder: if kids were just encouraged to play and hang out with both gender kids pretty equally, learn and enjoy all different kinds of activities and games and interests and tv shows and household chores and subjects and jobs and household / relationship roles.... rather than "one gender does/wears this, the other gender does/wears that..."

    ...sometimes I wonder if we'd end up with overall more comfort, people having less of an 'exact expectation' of themselves, and rather just have all sorts of different individuals interacting in all sorts of ways, based more on their personality and preferences and stuff.

    What I think is good though, is realising that in many places there are plenty of people who think about things in this way quite a bit anyway.There has been lots of growth this century, in this viewpoint of just looking at people as individuals, and in the idea that gender identity or attributing certain things to one gender or another, might be much more of a 'spectrum' or an 'individual mix' rather than 'either/or'. And that that's fine.

    (The level and types of 'genderising' has always varied from one culture to another, too, and sometimes even quite a lot within different pockets of one culture, one country, one city, etc.)

    I definitely see more people these days mixing different elements, and even mainstream fashion has had lots of androgynous elements going on this century.

    I guess I just think it's good that perhaps in some ways these days,there is a bit less pressure to absolutely 'take a stand' one way or another in various aspects of ourselves... Openness in the ideas of what a 'man' or 'woman' is, or should be, or even what a 'person' should be, has definitely grown. At the very least, communities and cultures and groups and areas exist where these ideas are less fixed or pressured.

    For those who aren't sure / ready to / may not transition, I don't know whether it could be somewhat relieving to know that just because certain viewpoints or expectations influenced us in whatever family and decade our early years were in, doesn't mean that we are living in exactly the same world now, or that we necessarily have to put the same expectations / dichotomy onto ourselves.

    A pretty complicated thing though, and of course even though openness has grown, when it comes to various situations such as the business / work world, family, all kinds of stuff, obviously it can be very complicated and I don't wanna sound like I'm minimizing this stuff.

    It's really great though Gooblax that you are doing some thinking in terms of 'who I actually am' / 'what's right for me'.

  5. #5
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    Re: Unsure what gender I identify as

    Quote Originally Posted by MHealthJo View Post
    sometimes I also wonder whether an element of the discomfort some people experience, could be partly due to 'society' stuff that could be different...
    I'd say it's absolutely an element, but am not convinced that it's necessarily the whole story.

    eg. For me, I'm accustomed to understanding and dealing with that part of it and do better at expressing my preferences in some areas than others.
    But I'm currently having trouble aligning the physical preference confusion part into that same model.

  6. #6
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    Re: Unsure what gender I identify as

    Holy awkward thread revival, Batman!
    sign


    Does anyone know of any self-help resources about how to deal with / overcome "gender dysphoria" (or whatever other term someone wants to use for internal, social, physical discomfort related to perceived gender non-conformance) in ways that:

    • Are more about accepting oneself as the person that they are (i.e. not affirming a different gender),
    • Are not full of radicalized or politicized content,
    • Are not tailored towards sexual orientation or trauma, and
    • Are not just random blogs or social media posts from random people whose only qualifications are lived experience?

  7. #7
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    Re: Unsure what gender I identify as

    I'll do some research and see what I can find.

  8. #8
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    Re: Unsure what gender I identify as

    I can see the difficulty you are probably having in finding helpful information about gender nonconformity independent of transgender issues. My preliminary searches pretty much all led to articles or information assuming that this was linked either to homosexuality or to transgender issues.

    You might have better luck researching non-binary gender identity as a topic. There you are more likely to find information about individuals who do not identify exclusively as either male or female. They are sometimes referred to as "genderqueer", a term which seems to me to be unnecessarily pejorative. Other terms are "demigirl" and "demiboy" which also seem to be rather condescending or insulting to my ears. Still, using those terms in information searches may lead you to helpful resources.

    I came across these which you might use as starting points:



    See also attachment.

  9. #9
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    Re: Unsure what gender I identify as

    From Google Scholar, another academic article using the terms from David:
    Attached Files Attached Files

  10. #10
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    Re: Unsure what gender I identify as

    Quote Originally Posted by gooblax View Post
    Holy awkward thread revival, Batman!
    sign


    Does anyone know of any self-help resources about how to deal with / overcome "gender dysphoria" (or whatever other term someone wants to use for internal, social, physical discomfort related to perceived gender non-conformance) in ways that:

    • Are more about accepting oneself as the person that they are (i.e. not affirming a different gender),
    • Are not full of radicalized or politicized content,
    • Are not tailored towards sexual orientation or trauma, and
    • Are not just random blogs or social media posts from random people whose only qualifications are lived experience?
    I see from the original post being almost 4 years old that this has been on your mind for a while. I have no cables or tools for that
    And I have no advice to offer except that until you are 100% sure then gender change is not an option. Then if ever you are 100% certain that that is the option you have chosen wait at least a year after that to make sure you really were 100% sure that that is the path you really want to take. I find that society, although certain groups push it as "you will finally be in the body you want", still hasn't changed as we try to pretend. People just judge or comment in our backs to stay politically correct. You need to reflect on how it would change your environment on a daily basis. etc.. But I'm pretty sure you have already gone through all the possible scenarios in your mind.

    I like the fact that you seek intelligent and unbiased information. The problem I see there is that on that subject most of what you might find would be in one of the bottom 3 categories you have pointed out that you are not interested in. Most of it will be subjective unfortunately. My opinion would be subjective also as I believe option 1 is the best choice. But that's only one of so many biased opinions.

    Hope you find peace in the process of figuring it all out.

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