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  1. #1
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    How to Deal With Insults: Don?t Take Anything Personally

    How to Deal With Insults: Don?t Take Anything Personally
    by Therese Borchard
    June 18, 2015

    An editor recently wrote me to tell me he shared this piece with two of his writers who were verbally attacked. It made them feel better, so I thought I?d share it again. I know I could always use the reminder.

    My friend is waiting for a table at a local restaurant. She is one of those table stalkers, who intuitively knows who is getting up when. She?s been hovering over a certain table for a good half hour. She is most certain the table is hers until some guy comes out of left field and starts talking to the couple who is leaving. Then he sits down with his girlfriend.

    This does not deter my friend from her mission. With the confidence of Marilyn Monroe, she plops down at the table with the guy and his girlfriend and unfolds a napkin over her lap.

    ?What are you doing, you Fat A**, this is my table!? the guy says to her.

    She laughs.

    THAT is how you are supposed to respond to insults, according to Don Miguel Ruiz, author of the classic book, The Four Agreements.

    The second agreement is simply this: Don?t take anything personally.

    He explains:


    Whatever happens around you, don?t take it personally?Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.

    Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds?Taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators, the black magicians. They can hook you easily with one little opinion and feed you whatever poison they want, and because you take it personally, you eat it up?.

    But if you do not take it personally, you are immune in the middle of hell. Immunity in the middle of hell is the gift of this agreement.


    I?m getting a little better at this, but I think if someone called me a fat a** in public, I still would have been hysterical, looking at my butt while screaming to my husband, ?You LIED to me! You told me the pounds I put on this summer weren?t noticeable!?

    I used to keep The Four Agreements on my desk. As a writer who exposes the insides of her soul for folks to analyze, ponder, and ridicule, I had to grow a thick skin. The first time I got ?kook, nutjob, whiner,? it was difficult for me to get my courage up to post another blog. Doing it in a state of depression is especially hard, because ?fat a**? is pretty mild compared to the insults raging inside the mind of a person who has employed a full-time inner critic.

    Knowing that the insults have nothing to do with me, as Ruiz says, keeps me from absorbing their poison. Now all I have to do is learn how to laugh instead of cry.

  2. #2
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    Re: How to Deal With Insults: Don?t Take Anything Personally

    Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds
    Remembering this will be very helpful through this holiday season! I think I will write it down and carry it with me,as a reminder.

  3. #3
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    Re: How to Deal With Insults: Don?t Take Anything Personally

    I have not bought the book yet,but just reading this post last year has been helpful in different situations.I am getting so much better at not taking things personally.Well,actually I still do usually take things personally at first,it's hard not to,so I guess I should say my reactions are getting much better after I think about it for a bit and think about this:

    . Whatever happens around you, don?t take it personally?Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.
    Recently I was talking to someone on the phone about something going on with my husband.I thought she would be empathetic,since it was something that could very easily happen to her husband too.But instead she told me my family is cursed and started talking about other things that have happened and things that are going on with my kids, all the bad things,and talked bad about all of us.And I thought about this:

    . Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds?Taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators, the black magicians. They can hook you easily with one little opinion and feed you whatever poison they want, and because you take it personally, you eat it up?.
    I was actually surprised,and proud of myself for not taking it personally,especially since what's going on with my husband is pretty major.I laughed at what she said and told her curses are b.s.Before,hearing something like that would have really took me on a downward spiral.

    The thing is,I see that she enjoys insulting me,and my family.But thanks to this post,I know it really has nothing to do with me,and really isn't about me and kept me from absorbing her poison.

    Some things I read here at Psychlinks have been SO pertinent and helpful that they stick with me,and this has been one of them.

    ---------- Post Merged at 05:43 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 09:18 AM ----------

    Was just reading things online about why some people seem to always insult others.Most of the things I read said it's because they are insecure,that putting others down makes them feel better about themselves.That it's a reaction to self anger or they see themselves as inadequate.And if they use insults to try to prove a point or to make themselves seem right or knowledgeable it's because they really lack confidence in themselves and need to feel powerful.

    I am a little surprised at some of the things I read,not at all what I assumed.

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