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  1. #1

    My Best Laid Plans for the Holidays Have Gone Astray

    I'm a real lover of all the holidays that occur throughout the year, especially the ones that take place during the final months of the year; Halloween, Thanksgiving and the Christmas season. As such, i like to do what i can to get into the mood of every holiday that holds meaning to me (though some don't honestly), even if all that means is watching shows and movies that have elements relating to them.

    In the case of Halloween and Christmas, there is often too much to watch and not enough time to do it. So, i've been trying to find ways to make this idea work and still be able to enjoy the holidays without much issue. I've even begun trying to use a plan in regards to Halloween in recent years, so that i would have time to get into the mood for that and my own Birthday.

    You see, the plan was for me to start watching my "Halloween marathon" in August, and then, because my Birthday was in the first two weeks of October, i was to get into the Birthday mood in September. The August part of my plan worked to a degree (though a few issues with my bodily functions caused a bit of a problem), but the September part ran into a snag as the following thread will explain better. Now, the looming memory of what went on last month still haunts me and keeps from being completely enjoy the events of October, even though rare happy events have happened this month.

    My mother actually bought three Halloween props for me to get into the Halloween spirit when we went to the market and I even got to take some pictures of Wal-Mart's Halloween decorations and displays the very same day. But all of that was rendered moot in the long run, since later that very same day, she basically teased me regarding an OCD issue i have with keeping my hands clean. She wouldn't even hear me try to explain myself, as she now dismisses them as excuses, suffice it to say; that hurt and i can't forgive her for that. I don't care if she did buy those props, now looking at them just reminds me of her insults, the same with the pictures i took. What makes it worse is the fact that she still thinks she has every right to be behaving the way she is and that she's the victim here. SHE IS NOT! She's been horrible these days, and that's what keeping me from truly enjoying this month.

    My Birthday itself was not altogether bad, but it could have been better, especially since i had a plan. For the most part; i did the things that i set out to do, and the things that i was worried about were either not much of an issue in the long run or no issue at all. The only issue was that things sort of dragged on a bit and i was not completely done with one particular action when the party guests started to arrive. Because of this, i was somewhat distracted when the festivities started, and my mind was already starting to veer off for the worst as it was. I wasn't entirely paying attention when the singing started and due to my stomach being a bit iffy these days, i couldn't completely enjoy the Birthday meal. Also, when my brother and his daughter arrived to wish me a happy birthday, I'm worried that i may have subtly and unintentionally insulted him, no one said anything about it, but still. I gave the day an 8/10 at the time, but, now i'm not so sure. The following day, we went to Ihop for a meal in recognition of my birthday and my brother's birthday, but due to memories of my own birthday and of the issues i've been having with my mother, i couldn't fully savor my time there, not even when the Ihop people did their Birthday ditty. This is an issue because, I just turned 25, a quarter of a century, that sounds like an important milestone. I could try and see 26 as a milestone too (the first birthday after 25 or something), but i just don't know.

    As for the Halloween timeframe, well in addition to last year's issue of my mind almost fighting me at every turn when it comes to Halloween specials; i keep having thoughts that are clearly trying to drive me away from the holiday mood (I've even had moments where I'll skip directly to Thanksgiving), I'm also dealing with the memory of the issues my mother and had with each other. This is an issue because, it feels like there are a lot of good things happening for this Halloween; again, there are three new Halloween props in the house, i have a good costume in waiting (though I'm still not sure it will fit, even if it is XL), at least two Halloween specials, and a Halloween related TV show episode, have aired, with another on the way, and two Halloween themed movies have been reviewed online and i (more or less) liked them. And yet, with the issues i've had with my mother lately looming in my mind, i just can't savor any of it the way i should. She may have, more or less, gotten over it, but I'm not sure i ever will.

    Also, my niece's birthday just came and went and we celebrated it at Chuck E. Cheese. I enjoyed my time there, but, every once in a while it felt like i could have done something better while i was there, like put more affection into the hugs i gave my niece, it was her special day after all.

    Bottom line, it feels like every time i make a plan for how to celebrate the holidays and other special occasions, they always go astray somehow. I'm tired of that.

  2. #2

    Re: My Best Laid Plans for the Holidays Have Gone Astray

    Have you considered the option of, instead of making fixed plans and being disappointed, making no plans or more fluid plans and going with the flow?

  3. #3

    Re: My Best Laid Plans for the Holidays Have Gone Astray

    Well, Halloween came and went and i have to say, it wasn't too bad. One issue happened in the morning, but it ended up working to my advantage (for the most part). The results of what i had planned for Halloween night worked out pretty well too, but, I still can't help but feel like it could have been better, particularly during the preparation period.

    When my mother asked me how this year's Halloween rated, i told her 7/10, but then she questioned why that was. She started to point out all of the good points of the day and they were valid points so i changed my rate to 8/10. Still though, it feels like the holiday could have still been... better. I tried to explain that to my mother via e-mail.

    On a similar note, i'm having a somewhat hard time moving passed Halloween right now, because the spirit still echoes inside me. Kind of ironic really, since during the days leading up to that glorious night, my mind was practically blocking out all thoughts relating to it. Now don't get me wrong, i love Halloween, even as an adult, but it seems to me that i should be getting in the mood for the next big day; Thanksgiving.



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