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  1. #11

    Re: Why Narcissistic Parents Infantilize Their Adult Children

    Hmm... good idea. I never thought of a non-sales financial expert. Lawyers, at least the ones I've tried to contact, either want money or won't touch the case because my father is a retired provincial court judge, my brother is a retired police officer, and my cousin is a chartered accountant.

    I believe the actions of my family are legal. I just don't want their strings attached anymore because I'm sick and tired of them having so much control over me.


    ---------- Post Merged at 05:23 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 05:21 PM ----------

    Thanks for the tip.

    I'm doing this to some degree. I have 5 volunteer jobs now. I work at the Royal Ontario Museum (ROM), at the Toronto Transit Commission (TTC), at BridgePoint Rehabilitation Hospital, at Mount Sinai Hospital, and as a receptionist at a church. At the TTC and at the two hospitals, I advise on barrier removal [for people who have a didabiliy] and improving customer service towards people who are disabled.

    Until I moved to Toronto, I couldn't get volunteer work at all because no one would take me. It's made a huge difference to finally be able to do things that are productive.

    Now that I have these jobs and there has been a willingness to give me the much needed job references, things are looking up. I have some of the 'proof' an employer would need, that shows I can actually do the jobs I'm applying for. Management at the TTC took my resume and tried to get me hired, but anti-nepotism rules blocked their efforts. Even still, it's been a huge relief to know I can now, at least, get the much needed job references.

    My dream would be to work as a consultant for making public transit accessible. My next dream would be to act as a consultant and advise on how to remove the physical and attitudinal barriers which block a person with a disability from having equal access to goods, services, jobs, etc.

    I get to act in this advisory role now as a volunteer, and I have been urged to share my stories so that others won't have the same problems I had, within the health care system. The Accessibility for Ontarians With Disabilities Act (AODA) mandates that communities and large organizations create accessibility advisory committees. According to the law, the advisory committee members must be volunteers who have lived experience of having a disability.

    It's possible to get hired as a consultant but I'd have to promote myself a lot more because of that law. Many big organizations would rather use the free advice of volunteers, instead of paying them.

    That's why I value the help of some of the places who are asking for my resume and then trying to get my foot in the door.

    For now I'm gathering up references, and building up professional networks of people who I believe can help promote my abilities to potential employers who might be doing a background check.

    I refuse to give up. Since I moved to Toronto, 2 1/2 years ago, a lot of the stigma has vanished. This has made life so much sweeter. Im sure things will improve even more, as time goes by.

    Thanks for the good advice though. You're right, getting out there to show our capabilities can really help a lot.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Ottawa, Canada

    Re: Why Narcissistic Parents Infantilize Their Adult Children

    Quote Originally Posted by wheelchairdemon
    I believe the actions of my family are legal.
    There's a difference between being legal and justified. You need your own legal advocate to represent your rights. There are legal aid options you might explore. Just because your family has people in the judicial or law enforcement system doesn't mean their actions cannot be challenged, when you believe their actions are contrary to your own interests.

    You might need to do some advocacy on your own to find a legal representative who understands your financial situation and is willing to accommodate you in order to take on your case.

    Dum spiro spero....While I breathe, I hope

  3. #13

    Re: Why Narcissistic Parents Infantilize Their Adult Children

    Quote Originally Posted by Steve View Post
    There's a difference between being legal and justified. You need your own legal advocate to represent your rights. There are legal aid options you might explore.

    I've been everywhere. I can't get a lawyer. I've been trying to get a lawyer for years. I've been to the Community Legal Clinics, ARCH legal services (they focus on helping people with disabilities), ProBono Lawyers of Ontario, the Barb Schlifer Clinic, and the Human Rights Legal Support Centre. Not one of these places will take my case on. They say my situation is outside of their mandate.

    Here are the mandates:

    Community Legal Clinics: Am I eligible for a legal aid certificate? | Legal Aid Ontario

    These services include free legal information and advice, support from courthouse lawyers who are there to explain what you need to do and help you when you have to appear, help for criminal or family matters and help if you are entering or remaining in Canada as an immigrant or refugee.

    Family law is about relationships and rights within families. It includes divorce and separation, child custody and access, and support payment matters.

    I'm no longer living with my family so, according to the Community Legal Clinics, I don't qualify for legal support.

    ARCH legal services: Services for Individuals | ARCH

    Legal Representation

    ARCH provides legal representation to people with disabilities whose cases meet the priorities set by ARCH’s Board of Directors and who meet Legal Aid Ontario’s financial eligibility guidelines. For more information about ARCH’s current priority areas, please contact us or see the toolbar to the left.

    The Priority Areas are as follows:

    • Attendant Services
    • Education Law
    • Legal Capacity
    • Services for Persons with Intellectual Disabilities

    Barbara Schlifer Clinic:

    We deal with

    • spousal assault (domestic violence)
    • adult sexual assault
    • childhood sexual abuse
    • violence against you as a woman in your home country

    We help you

    • address your safety needs
    • identify your legal issues
    • make informed decisions about legal action
    • find the right legal help

    We also

    • provide you with information about your legal rights, legal protections available to you and your legal options in and out of court
    • advocate on your behalf in such areas as human rights and criminal injuries compensation
    • advocate for you within the legal mechanisms that deal with violence by doctors, therapists and other professionals

    Pro Bono Lawyers of Ontario:

    I've called every one of these agencies and I've told them my story. Their answer is, they have to take on cases that fit within their mandate. The odd time I've come close to fitting within a set of criteria, and then the lawyer will come back to me and tell me they will only take on the cases they know they can win.

    I can't stand any more rejection, so to stay sane, I focus on the good things - volunteering, choir, swimming, advocacy, and that kind of thing.

    This province is so wrong - and, by letting people slip through silos like I am, potentially deadly.

    Thank God I am strong.

    If anyone can offer a name, please do so. It's shocking how often I've been denied the right to protect myself.

    Oh yeah, I've also been told that if I had stayed within the mental health system, I would get the legal help I require. I fled the system because, in the end, it got very abusive.

    I've tried to go back. Lots of referrals have been made to treat the PTSD... but alas, I'm too resilient.

    Maybe there is no answer, but if nothing else, these links will show others that there may be a need to lobby for something better. Anyone who is in a position to do so, please do it. The world needs to be made aware.

    Thanks for listening.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Ottawa, Canada

    Re: Why Narcissistic Parents Infantilize Their Adult Children

    I don't have first hand experience working with the legal system, so your feedback has been very informative.

    Maybe someone else may have some insights to offer.

    It sounds like you are, indeed, a resilient person!

    Dum spiro spero....While I breathe, I hope

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Sep 2012

    Re: Why Narcissistic Parents Infantilize Their Adult Children

    Wow. You are quite frankly amazing, Wheelchairdemon.

    Your story and achievements are incredible, and your story is so important.

    I hope so much that your story and experiences will somehow at some point make things better for people... (although I suspect that just being able to read it here, or people seeing you doing things that you are doing / have done, has given some people out there somewhere some amazing hope and encouragement.....) But seriously..... you need to at some point be doing TED Talks or something. This needs to happen.

    Goshdammit, it makes me keen to tackle obstacles that I haven't been able to figure out yet.... this will be a thread to come back to and get some inspiration from at discouragement times, that's for dang sure........

    Wish you lots of enjoyment in your activities WCD, and wish you success in the next parts of your journey.....

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