Hi, this is my first time on psychlinks. I'm posting this under OCD because one of the most recent issue that I had, which was 2 years ago, caused me to think that I may have some obsessive thought issues. I don't have any compulsions, just the random intrusive thoughts. I tried to condense everything, so I apologize if it isn't coherent. I just feel like I need to talk to someone about this since I don't really have many people that i can talk to as of now.
My anxiety issues began 2 years ago. The first episode only lasted for about 2 weeks and so I didn't think that It was an anxiety disorder because based on information I searched up, an episode would have to last for more than 6 months to qualify as an anxiety disorder. I was able to drag myself out of it by telling myself that the source of the trigger of that episode was unlikely to happen. That episode also interfered with my life in that I felt that the anxiety was overwhelming, and that was what I had felt most of the time during that period. But since I was able to get over it by myself without a therapist, I just moved on with my life and assumed that the anxiety issue was just a part of my personality that I had to work on and nothing more than that. I didn't see it as a mental illness or anything like that, I just thought it was probably a typical teenage phase, since I am a teenager, or a weaker part of my personality, or that it was caused by a period in which my overall physical health was weaker, resulting in anxiety.. I didn't dwell on it and everything was fine until two months later, which made me rethink a lot about myself.
I was listening to a song I really liked, my mood was quite euphoric, and one night a part of that song kept looping in my head so much that I couldn't sleep at all. I have had songs stuck in my head before, like everyone else, but I've never had it to this extent; It popped out of nowhere and just kept on going. I tried singing it to the end, practicing deep breathing and mindfulness, but the earworm(stuck song) didnt lessen one bit and in fact worsened. I felt crazy and different, like my brain just decided to go off on it's own and then anxiety set in and i could no longer go back to the way I was before easily.
From then onwards, I noticed that I would sometimes mentally replay what people say, and whenever i hear a song I would mentally replay it as there would be songs playing in my head for most of the day. They're involuntary, and something I've never been through before.
My mood has also changed drastically, I get stressed more easily and I'm anxious and depressed because no one I talk to has been through an earworm as severe as this, and the things I've searched up online all state that an earworm This severe are usually experienced uncommonly and by people who have OCD or some other mental illness. My anxiety and depression causes me to feel like I'm blanking out at times and it hasn't completely gone away yet even though 2 years have passed. I also keep thinking about this event and my mental health; these thoughts ruminate a lot even though I have tried to snap out of it. I'm also experiencing a bit of paranoia and strange thoughts, probably because of the anxiety; overall, Im just much more stimulated than the past.
Right now I'm just wondering if my severe earworm is a manifestation of some type of obsessive thinking? If so, what does this mean for my mental health and if it does mean something, what's the prognosis? I've also been a highly imaginative and eccentric person since a young age and I can get pretty pumped when I get excited about something, and I've read that creative people are prone to mood issues like bipolar disorder as well, so Ive been thinking about whether or not I may be prediposed to Mood disorders, since the crazy song looping began after I felt really happy about something. Apparently, bipolar disorder can also cause intense stuck thoughts. However, I would rather just stick to the probability that I might just have some form of OCD and anxiety. So if anyone has any input on this, it would be helpful too.
My parents say that this is just a phase, a hormonal change or basically a period in which the body undergoes some kind of disorder before going back to balance again. They say it's natural and that the body just changes at times, but they're stigmatizing when it comes to mental health, so when i try to ask then more they get very impatient. I've been thinking a lot lately about what they've said as well, but everything has changed so fast for me, basically in one night and my mood still hasn't gone back to the carefree confident state that I was in 2 years ago. Its hard to simply believe that my body is just undergoing a phase, but it could be the case.
I've seen a therapist, it was a frustrating experience, and my session ends next week even though I still feel like a conflicted piece of ****.
My parents won't let me see another therapist and I really feel messed up and different than everyone else.
Im wondering if anyone has some advice on any coping strategies for pure o OCD, or what that severe earworm episode is and whether it should warrant concern or not. The episode also occurred the night before summer school started, but I wasn't feeling overtly anxious or even that stressed that night, so this made things ambiguous, as well as unsettling that my brain can go off on it's own like that without a clear trigger.
If anyone has been through a similar situation, any advice would be appreciated as well. I'm coping as much as I can right now before I decide to see another therapist,l. The usual song looping after hearing some music doesn't bother me that much now because it usually goes away after a while, and I've just gotten used to it. It's the anxiety and depression right now. I don't want to take medication yet, so I want to try and overcome it by alternative means first.
Thank you very much for reading this post, any advice would be deeply appreciated.