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  1. #11
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    Re: My most recent vacation troubles

    Hi, my posts have a tendency sometimes, like me, of being long winded so for that i apologize in advance.

    I think forgetmenot and Daniel raised some important questions for you to reflect upon. The best example would seem that rather than accepting the possibility of distorted expectations that the experience should have proceeded a specific way you seem to need to defend your point of view and stand your ground. I donít feel this will be helpful for you in any way.

    Each time I do it I realize (long after the fact) that my response is exactly the same thing that caused my initial disappointment with something or someone. Although I am unable and unwilling to accept that certain things are not black and white like good or bad, right and wrong, and illegal and illegal. Those things to me will always be black and white and no desire to let anything change my perspective on those matters. Unfortunately this same black and white thinking still reflects on everything in life and well life ainít black and white. If it was we wouldnít have beautiful colors to want to take pictures of.

    The points (and references) Daniel raised have come up a few times lately in public and some private discussions. I never even realized that this way of thinking was probably caused by my OCD but until I found out what Tourette Syndrome really was I thought I just had allergies and nervous tics. Well guess what? Yes, I was way wrong and the same thing now goes with me having to realize OCD is not just checking 10 times if my wallet is in my pocket or checking constantly if I didnít lose my keys when Iím out. Seems there a lot regarding OCD that I need to learn about in order to be able to understand why I react pretty much the same as you did regarding this trip and this thread. Itís harder that it seems to realize and accept that maybe itís just my mind that distorts my perception of many situations. Especially the ones that donít go my way. I have a lot to learn on many of my other neuropsychiatric disorders. Itís hard to accept and digest some times. But thatís life.

    Its like mindfulness I donít understand much about it except maybe learning to stop and smell the flowers without worrying wether some bee or wasp might sting my nose. If it happens should I say donít smell the flowers anymore you will get stung? No I have to learn to tell myself stop and smell the flowers but take a moment to make sure your not scaring some poor bee by sticking your huge nose in his little face. This is some of the hard lessons Iím currently confronted with. The hardest is accepting that my thinking has a good chance of being distorted by my OCD and other issues alone or combined.

    In 2012 when I left my 2nd wife for good I literally put every real picture i had all the way back to my early childhood through the shredder. Then I went through my computers and deleted ever picture and video even of my past performances anything that had to do with my past. I wanted nothing to be able to remind me of anything regarding my past and all my family, everything I found I deleted. But you know theyíre still all etched in my mind. Simply because my past was a failure (based on my distorted black and white thinking) and did not need to be reminded of everything I screwed up and lost.

    There are a few special pics posted in the following thread that were spared my stupidity on a backup drive of my trip in 2008. But you know even if I took about 4000 pictures across Canada itís just a tiny sample of the amazing things I saw on that trip that are etched in my mind. If I didnít have a backup of them then they would all still be in memory and if my memory fails one day chances are even if i have them I might not remember being there and taking them so not much different if I forget I saw them.

    Hereís the thread in question if you would like to have a look.

    https://forum.psychlinks.ca/showthre...cest-pictures)

  2. #12
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    Re: My most recent vacation troubles

    Hi fauxname1990.

    That's awesome that you got to visit Australia! I live there, and used to live in Sydney although I never actually went to the aquarium and it's been a long time since I went up the the Sydney Eye (so long, in fact, that it was called Centrepoint Tower at the time).

    I'd like to offer up an additional perspective, and I apologise that this will also be long but I hope that you get something out of it.

    I'm a person who often notices things going wrong or becoming complicated (as the others on the forum can attest). One (or more) may even say that I'm a little like Mr Bean, where a sticky situation arises and despite his best efforts as he tries to fix it he just ends up making it stickier.
    I'm also a person who has anxiety, so those sticky situations make me feel pretty stressed out when they're happening. But what helps me to move on from those moments rather than ruminate about them and let them spoil my day/week/trip etc. is to vent about them to someone who will acknowledge the difficulty/absurdity/stickiness (i.e. this forum) and to try and find the funny side.

    Things that go wrong often make the 'story' of an experience all the more memorable and entertaining in hindsight. I'm not sure how much fiction you read/watch, but you've probably noticed that a good plot always involves some kind of challenge that the hero overcomes. A story where everything goes perfectly is pretty boring and unmemorable, not to mention unrealistic. Problems happen in all types of stories, and it's up to each hero to overcome the ones that they face in order to advance the plot, grow as a character, learn from previous situations, and come out the other side. In your story, you are that hero.

    As the hero of your own story, you unfortunately don't get to choose whether difficulties arise or what sort of problems come up. But you do get to choose how you deal with them and what sort of story you tell yourself about what you experienced.

    For myself it's a comedy. E.g. (quote added for formatting clarity because this post is getting huge)
    Earlier in the year I visited a temple. I had to take my shoes off to visit the temple and I was a little bit worried about someone stealing my shoes and making me pay extra to get them back due to the poverty in that area. I'm not a spiritual person but it was very serene, calming and interesting as I walked around the path and I soon forgot about the shoe thing... Until the path became partly submerged under water as it took us around a fountain. I was still wearing socks and it wasn't really appropriate to take them off then-and-there. They got completely soaked. I tried to dry them on the hot stone path as I walked around and 'serenely' left wet sock prints everywhere I stepped.
    Thankfully I had brought along another pair of socks to change into, because I also like to be prepared. I returned to my shoes which were still there, changed my socks, and all good. Yet three months later I lost my shoes in a completely random way with no explanation on how or why or where they could have gone.

    I remember my wet socks around the fountain better than anything else at the temple that went to plan. I remember the coincidence of losing my shoes when I was least worried about it, better than any time I found something I'd been looking for. And to me both of those experiences are now funny. They're something I can talk about to someone, and mishaps that other people can relate to. They make my story more interesting for me and for anyone I choose to tell it to. So while I still remember the things that went wrong, they're not bad memories at all because of how I've chosen to write them into my story.
    If you're interested in looking into the idea of 'being a hero in your own story' I'd recommend looking up "hero's journey" (e.g. https://www.rewireme.com/wellness/em...heros-journey/). In the meantime (if you've made it this far through the post) can you think of any way you'd like to reframe the things that went wrong during your vacation? Maybe as a personal lesson or learning experience, or as a scene in a cartoon, comedy, action movie? If your brain is going to remember the event anyway, you might as well see if there's a way to give it a positive spin.

  3. #13
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    Re: My most recent vacation troubles

    And there are also more general things you can do like physical exercise that can help the underlying anxiety. I already exercise a good amount but exercising more than my usual helps me when I am more anxious.

    Most people with anxiety or depression underestimate the amount of effort required to even maintain good mental health.
    ďOut beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there.Ē ~ Rumi

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