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  1. #1
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    Alienated Fathers: Their Children Never Know The Real Man

    Alienated Fathers: Their Children Never Know The Real Man
    by Ivy Blonwyn, PsychCentral.com
    December 21, 2018

    Itís not just that alienated fathers are lopped off the family tree. No, itís worse than that. Itís that the true strong oak limb that represents that fatherís character is gouged out of the family tree and the specter of an ugly, gnarly, thorny limb grafted in its place. Along the way, the children receive an entirely wrong picture of their father, their hereditary line and the character of their family tree.

    No one typifies the word Ďvillainí more than the fiction created around alienated fathers. Suddenly, they said horrible things they never said. Perpetrated dreadful acts they never committed. Didnít want children they did want. Abandoned the family they built with great hope and still support financially. Worst of all, too often theyíre accused of domestic violence against the mother of their children.

    The truth is, of course, just the opposite. But itís hard to prove something didnít happen especially if youíre not physically present when and where allegations are being made against you. The father being slandered is automatically at a disadvantage, blindsided by shocking allegations being parroted by his own sweet, confused children. Anything he says in response will sound defensive and thus guilty, by default, of exactly the allegations heís trying to refute.

    The innocent children are as much victims of parental alienation as their father. What are they supposed to think? That they are descended from the poison seed of a wife-beater, a deadbeat, a criminal? A man who never wanted them?

    What does that do to their self-esteem? Beyond even self-esteem, it adversely affects their whole view of the family stock they have risen from and can affect many generations to come.

    One man I knew supported his ex-wife and children through his work as a plumber. He spent his days elbows deep in the kind of malodorous muck most of us couldnít smell without vomiting. From his work, he faithfully paid alimony and child support for the family heíd been summarily kicked out of when his wife cheated.

    His ex blew the alimony and child support on alcohol, drugs and gambling, then told the children their daddy didnít care enough to put bread in their mouths. As tiny children they accepted her spin on the facts without question.

    However, as they got older, they began to question why their father owned well-worn work uniforms if he was an unemployed deadbeat who never paid child support. ĎThose are just costumes he wears to fancy dress partiesí their mother told them. They believed her implicitly calling their father ĎDeadbeatí to his face.

    ĎWhy should I spend my days unblocking toilets just to be called a deadbeat dad?í he sobbed. The pain of being so slandered destroyed his drive. His work suffered, he gave up plumbing for menial work, lost his own home and finally teetered on brink of suicide. Only his love for his children pulled him back from the brink.

    That was years ago now. His alienated children have grown up and had children of their own. I recently heard the lies they were told about their father have been passed down to the next generation. His grandchildren despise their grandfather, seeing him as little better than an ex-con. A stain on the family tree. Someone they must rise above, to blot out the besmirching of the family name.

    In reality, they should be proud. A finer man never existed. But they never had the opportunity to get to know the real man. They donít know what a fine line they are descended from and that his place on the family tree should never have been gouged out and replaced with an ugly effigy.

  2. #2
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    Re: Alienated Fathers: Their Children Never Know The Real Man

    The first one to tell their story is taken as the facts. People will believe what they believe regardless of the facts, especially the truth. Anything and everything you say or do will be twisted around and used against you. It’s sad but it’s a reality that is lived by many.

    The post, although important so that those that experience these types of events know they are not the only ones who have or are experiencing it, hits home too much and cuts like a knife especially this time of year. No matter how much you think or say: “I’m over it and accept that there’s nothing I can do to change anything” or how many years have passed, sooner or later the memories are refreshed once again and the wound meticulously carved out in your heart by lies and accusations and alienation is reopened as if it just happened. A constant reminder of the lost years, Almost 18 for me since the feces hit the fan and at least 4 grandkids that I’ll never know.

    Life happens and we must go on in spite of everything that comes our way, the good, the bad and even the ugly.

  3. #3
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    Re: Alienated Fathers: Their Children Never Know The Real Man

    Yes but sometimes children grow up and start to question what they've been told and evaluate that in the context of what they see in the parent doing the alienation as more mature individuals.

    Without going into details, I can affirm that I know this to be true both from people I have known and from my own personal experience.

  4. #4
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    Re: Alienated Fathers: Their Children Never Know The Real Man

    One thing i never understood was why my mother never spoke badly of my father never even when i became an adult and knew that he caused her so much harm. She knew that speaking ill of him i guess would only cause us more trauma. She never once said a bad thing about him just that he had to leave and hoped he would come back of course he never did.
    I don"t know why mother or fathers have to use their children to harm the other person when it only harms the child. I guess i am grateful she kept all that inside the pain i guess and never wanted us to think badly of him. sorry not the same i guess but um i hope that when the children or grandchildren do get old enough they will examine things for themselves and come to their own conclusions and not one that has been brainwashed into them.
    Words always stay inside ones soul

  5. #5
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    Re: Alienated Fathers: Their Children Never Know The Real Man

    I agree, FMN. There's no reason children need to shoulder that burden. Let them be children, for pete's sake. They already have to grow up way too fast these days.

  6. #6
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    Re: Alienated Fathers: Their Children Never Know The Real Man

    Quote Originally Posted by David Baxter View Post
    Yes but sometimes children grow up and start to question what they've been told and evaluate that in the context of what they see in the parent doing the alienation as more mature individuals.

    Without going into details, I can affirm that I know this to be true both from people I have known and from my own personal experience.
    In my situation and my health (was right after the triple bypass) I was in no mental shape and anything I tried made things worse. Then when I gave up and left Quebec for good in 2004 it pretty much sealed my fate as far as what my kids thought of me. I just hope and pray that they do better with their kids than their mom and I did with them when all hell broke loose.

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