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  1. #31
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    Re: Itís Been a Rough Couple of Weeks

    Quote Originally Posted by Daniel View Post
    They are still responsible for their behavior -- otherwise, who is?
    lol ME, apparently! lol


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  2. #32
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    Re: Itís Been a Rough Couple of Weeks

    Quote Originally Posted by gooblax View Post
    I've been watching a bunch of Jordan Peterson videos lately and although I have no idea how much help this will be (if any) I'll just put this one here:
    Thank you, gooblax! This was very good!


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  3. #33
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    Itís Been a Rough Couple of Weeks

    Quote Originally Posted by gooblax View Post
    I've been watching a bunch of Jordan Peterson videos lately...
    Sorry, meant to add more/edit regarding the video, but hereís the rest of my reply, gooblax:

    I am very very very patient with him. At first I was too patient. Way too patient.

    I havenít told him that I rewash some of his dishes, for example. If Iím putting away dishes and there are some still dirty, I just put them back in the sink. Or if I do mention, itís sometime later, like, ďYes, hon, you DO need glasses. I donít think you can see the food on some of the dishes because of your bad eyesight.Ē

    If I come in from outside or return from errands he will actually show me heís done dishes, or vacuumed, or cleaned the toilet: I say ďWow! It looks great in here! Thanks for doing that!Ē or ďOmigosh, this is terrific! I hope you know how much I appreciate that!Ē *all smiles and hugs and kisses*

    When I do dishes I forget about them, or wait until he sees I did them. He usually doesnít shower me with affection, but I donít mind: the dishes are done. lol Donít have to do them later, donít have to pile more dishes in the sink and have to wash even more dishes.

    The video really helped. It very much reminded me that change is tough. And itís probably a lot tougher than I think. I donít know, it always seems like Iím the one who has to adapt and be flexible. I feel so worn out from all this constant adapting!! lol

    ~ (Edited for more explanation/misspellings) ~


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  4. #34
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    Re: Itís Been a Rough Couple of Weeks

    Too tired to explain entirely, but I think I finally got through to him. Somehow.

    Iíve been speaking to him quite calmly, no yelling. I did have to leave the house once in the car because of his hostility toward me: canít remember if I mentioned that day already. I have to isolate myself outside or in another room sometimes, but so far he hasnít rattled me like that day I cried so hard after returning home from errands that I had to take a tiny piece of clonazepam before I could stop bawling my eyes out.

    I have to give him some credit.
    He hates it when he makes me cry and feels so bad after that HE cries! lol

    Maybe itís because now that I am off these stupid ADHD meds that donít work for me I can actually THINK and act calmly.

    Thank you all for all your info and support! I really appreciate it! I feel so much better after I come here and you all read my gigantic essays and then you even write back!!! lol

    Iím glad I came back! Whew!!!


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  5. #35
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    Re: Itís Been a Rough Couple of Weeks

    OMG! My husband showed me the screen where he canceled his subscription to ďWorld of Warcraft!Ē That was yesterday...

    Today he said heís going to call a Physio place. And he DID! He just needs to fill out an online form!

    Iím thinking, ďWhat is HAPPENING????Ē

    Itís a miracle!!!!!

    Iím just floored... In the best way possible!!! I didnít think he would get around to it until after we had dealt with the financial issues.

    He told his friend who had come over yesterday that he was going to wait on that until after we had dealt with the financial issues... But maybe saying that out loud made him start thinking about ďWhy NOT go to Physio?Ē I can only speculate that maybe his buddy messaged him.

    David listens to menís advice over mine or his momís... He calls it ďHen PeckingĒ when either of us try to talk to him. Itís so annoying. Itís probably because heís heard things from us so many times that heís tuned us out, because weíre having conversations pretty much every day (not just advice, but regular discourse, etc). lol

    Itís NOT just nagging when his BUDDIES ask/talk to him about why he does or doesnít do certain things. Itís not ďHen PeckingĒ if his male friends encourage/motivate David.

    Do you think itís because when his friends/mentors echo what we ladies are saying, THEN it hits him that maybe his mom & his wife might be making some sense! lol It makes him stop and think, ďHmmm. Maybe those women in my life really know what theyíre talking about once in a while.Ē lol

    Anyone else familiar with this phenomenon??? lol lol

    Whatever works. Doesnít have to be me who convinces him. More power to him if Davidís coming back to his old self and coming to these conclusions on his own!

    Iím crossing my fingers.






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  6. #36
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    Re: Itís Been a Rough Couple of Weeks

    Anyone else familiar with this phenomenon???
    In a way. If I give my husband any advice regarding how to take better care of his back, etc. it will likely be tossed like yesterday's garbage unless a doctor says it. Then he gives the doctor all/most of the credit

    And my husband kept saying an adjustable bed wouldn't help his back. So after a few months, I just bought the adjustable bed anyway Now he gets out of bed a lot easier with less pain.
    ďOut beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there.Ē ~ Rumi

  7. #37
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    Re: Itís Been a Rough Couple of Weeks

    Anyone else familiar with this phenomenon??? lol lol
    Going on a tangent, it also reminds me of resistance in therapy. And discussions if resistance should even be a thing, e.g. solution-focused therapy where it is assumed clients are growing/changing all the time, even if the therapist doesn't see it.

    But I noticed "whining" about some things to my husband has helped and vice versa. Kindof like the video Gooblax posted where it helps to make things clear what you want (in addition to the patience-of-a-saint positive reinforcement for incremental changes).
    ďOut beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there.Ē ~ Rumi

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