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  1. #181
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    Quote Originally Posted by David Baxter View Post
    Oh okay. I thought you were talking about one in your teens.

    I've already expressed my opinion about him. I would have fired him a long time ago.

    I don't fault you at all for being upset with him. I wouldn't tolerate even "friends" who behaved that casually about my feelings, let alone someone I was paying to help me.
    Yeah. My 2007 therapist and school counselor made some mistakes but I didn't experience them as being so painful as these ones. I never really liked them though, whereas I like/d current therapist for some bizarre reason. Maybe I'm trying to resolve some thing where it's like "if I can make him understand/care then it will be ok" or whatever. I dunno.
    So I can bring the stuff up next session, but I don't know what I want out of doing that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Daniel View Post
    Also, David Burns believes many therapists fall short:
    Interesting, thanks.

  2. #182
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    Quote Originally Posted by gooblax View Post
    Yeah. My 2007 therapist and school counselor made some mistakes but I didn't experience them as being so painful as these ones. I never really liked them though, whereas I like/d current therapist for some bizarre reason.
    I have liked all of my therapists and psychiatrists in varying degrees, though I never developed a strong attachment except to my first psychiatrist. My first and favorite psychiatrist actually broke the record for having the most Medicare fraud for a mental health professional (after I moved away and concerning a dementia facility), and he is still in federal prison. So you never really know all the sides of some people, but he was actually the nicest psychiatrist I ever had -- would see me the same day, would take Medicaid even though he could afford not to, would always call me back the same day, etc.

  3. #183
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    My ongoing therapy dilemma

    I "fired" a psychiatrist once.

    I had an issue I really needed some help with and told him what it was. He said no, we weren't going to talk about that, we were going to talk about a different issue.

    Honestly, I was utterly stunned. I think I just stared at him in disbelief for a few moments; it seemed like a long time but I don't really know and while I was doing that he just stared back at me. No explanation. Nothing. It was like a father scolding his son and saying no we're going to do it my way (something my own father was prone to do although the psychiatrist didn't know that).

    I don't even remember the rest of that encounter. I don't remember whether I stayed for the session or just got up and left. All I know is I never went back. I got a new referral and when I told the new guy what had happened he too was surprised. And he gave me excellent advice on the new issue that was troubling me.

  4. #184
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    Quote Originally Posted by Daniel View Post
    I have liked all of my therapists and psychiatrists in varying degrees, though I never developed a strong attachment except to my first psychiatrist. My first and favorite psychiatrist actually broke the record for having the most Medicare fraud for a mental health professional (after I moved away and concerning a dementia facility), and he is still in federal prison. So you never really know all the sides of some people, but he was actually the nicest psychiatrist I ever had -- would see me the same day, would take Medicaid even though he could afford not to, would always call me back the same day, etc.
    Glad to hear that your first psychiatrist was good. Wow about the medicare fraud though. It sounds like that could have been a slippery slope set of bad decisions but who knows.

    Quote Originally Posted by David Baxter View Post
    I "fired" a psychiatrist once.

    I had an issue I really needed some help with and told him what it was. He said no, we weren't going to talk about that, we were going to talk about a different issue.

    Honestly, I was utterly stunned. I think I just stared at him in disbelief for a few moments; it seemed like a long time but I don't really know and while I was doing that he just stared back at me. No explanation. Nothing. It was like a father scolding his son and saying no we're going to do it my way (something my own father was prone to do although the psychiatrist didn't know that).

    I don't even remember the rest of that encounter. I don't remember whether I stayed for the session or just got up and left. All I know is I never went back. I got a new referral and when I told the new guy what had happened he too was surprised. And he gave me excellent advice on the new issue that was troubling me.
    Yikes. I think you mentioned that once before (I'd forgotten until reading the post) but it's preposterous that he'd just randomly refuse to discuss it. Have to wonder what (or if) he was thinking.

    ____
    I think I know what I want out of bringing it up with my therapist all these years later:
    - To clearly identify where some emotional landmines are, to make it less likely that he'll blunder straight into them now and to make it easier to explain why I might will do react extra-badly to a blunder (or even ambiguity) now given the history of it.
    - For us both to have a common understanding of what didn't work in our previous communication and why, so we can keep finding different things that might work better.
    - To discuss it as something that's affecting me as a therapy side-effect (then and apparently still now), affects the way I communicate with him, and affects the expectations I have around how he might respond.
    - Best case, an acknowledgement that he recognises that those things were unhelpful back then and an admission that he didn't know how to be helpful at the time due to the way that I communicated.

    Now to just stew in that for 4.5 weeks.

  5. #185
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    Last night I was asking myself what I would do differently in therapy sessions in 2008 if I was still the same person but having the knowledge I have now. I don't think I could have done a lot of what could have been useful. The way my thoughts were operating just wouldn't have allowed it. What I could probably have done is:
    - told my therapist that his questions were confusing, that I didn't want to focus on anxiety, that I didn't think I had anxiety
    - tried sitting on the floor facing away from him since I was wondering if that would be more comfortable at the time
    - brought in a ball and ask if he'd just toss it back and forth with me for a bit so I could get used to the idea that it didn't have to be quite so weird/intense with the talking thing
    - never seen him in the first place which is something I seem to frequently find myself wishing I'd done

    I wish I could just quit now without the idea being so upsetting.

  6. #186
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    Quote Originally Posted by gooblax View Post
    I wish I could just quit now without the idea being so upsetting.

    Reminds me of different things:

    "better the devil you know"

    "yeah, but..." syndrome, which I think everyone has for some things

    More positively:

    "The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek."

    ~ Joseph Campbell

  7. #187
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    As I may have mentioned before, one of my favorite articles:

    Good Riddance?

  8. #188
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    2.5 weeks til next session feels impossibly long at this point.

  9. #189
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    I was thinking that I should come up with some new therapy goals or at least see what ones from last year are still relevant. But I'm a bit stuck, because my biggest problem has morphed from "constantly trying to block out uncomfortable feelings and not concentrating on useful things because they don't effectively block the feelings out" to "thinking about my therapist too much because apparently my brain thinks that might be a good way to block uncomfortable feelings, but it's not a good way at all and brings more uncomfortable feelings along for the ride".
    And I don't know if there's any way to correct that.

  10. #190
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    I'm sure there is a way to correct it but I may have to think about it for a while

    Do you know what the uncomfortable feelings are behind this, i.e., the ones you are trying to block?

    The problem with trying to block feelings is of course like the old example of trying not to think of an elephant.

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