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  1. #681
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    Have you tried a self-help book on self-esteem or self-acceptance?

  2. #682
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    Quote Originally Posted by gooblax View Post
    I'm even less of a fan of the DBT terms. They just seem insulting to me.
    And you have an engineering degree. I was originally a liberal arts major at a party school
    Last edited by Daniel; October 26th, 2020 at 09:18 AM.

  3. #683
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    The website of David D. Burns, MD | Secrets of Self-Esteem, Part 1 | Feeling Good

    ...When you’re experiencing low self-esteem, the culprit is always your thoughts. You are giving yourself negative messages, like

    • “I should be better than I am,” or
    • “I shouldn’t have made that mistake,” or
    • “I’m inferior-–there’s really nothing special about me.”

    You may even tell yourself that you’re defective.

    Although you probably believe these painful thoughts with all your heart, they are, in fact, distorted and illogical. You’re telling yourself things that aren’t really true. Depression is the world’s oldest con. You’re probably involved in All-or-Nothing Thinking, Mental Filtering, Discounting the Positive, Emotional Reasoning, Should Statements, and Self-Blame, to name just a few of the “cognitive distortions” that trigger depression and anxiety.


    Secrets of Self-Esteem #2 | Feeling Good

    All-or-Nothing Thinking. You think about yourself or the world in black-or-white, all-or-nothing categories. Shades of gray do not exist.

    Overgeneralization. You think about a negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat or a positive event as a never-ending pattern of success.

    Mental Filter. You think exclusively about your shortcomings and ignore your positive qualities and accomplishments. Or, you dwell on the positives and overlook the negatives.

    Discounting the Facts. You tell yourself that negative or positive facts don’t count, so as to maintain a universally negative or positive self-image.

    Jumping to Conclusions. You jump to conclusions that aren’t warranted by the facts. There are two common forms that are called Mind-Reading and Fortune-Telling.

    Mind-Reading, you make assumptions about how other people are thinking and feeling.

    Fortune-Telling, you make dogmatic negative or positive predictions about the future.

    Magnification and Minimization. You blow things out of proportion or shrink their importance inappropriately. This is also called the “binocular trick” because it’s like looking through the ends of a pair of binoculars, so things either look much bigger, or much smaller, than they are in reality.

    Emotional Reasoning. You reason from how you feel. In point of fact, your feelings result from your thoughts, and not from what’s actually happening. If your thoughts are distorted, your feelings will be as misleading as the grotesque images you see in curved fun-house mirrors.

    Should Statements. You make yourself (or others) miserable with “shoulds,” “musts” or”ought to’s.” Hidden Shoulds are sometimes implied by negative thoughts.

    Self-Directed Shoulds cause feelings of guilt, shame, depression, and worthlessness.

    Other-Directed Shoulds trigger feelings of anger and relationship problems.

    World-Directed Shoulds cause feelings of frustration and entitlement.

    Labeling. You label yourself or others instead. Labeling is actually an extreme form of overgeneralization, because you see your entire self or essence as defective and globally bad, or superior.

    Blame. You find fault with yourself (Self-Blame) or others (Other Blame).

    Self-blame. If you’re depressed, you may beat up on yourself constantly and mercilessly, blaming yourself for every error and shortcoming instead of using your energy to find creative solutions to your problems.

    Other-blame. During an argument, you may tell yourself that the other person is to blame for the conflict. Then you feel like an innocent victim and overlook your own role in the problem.

    Secrets of Self-Esteem, #3 - Feeling Good

    ...These ideas may seem overly obvious to many people, and may even sound trite. But I have treated many people, including some who were severely depressed and suicidal, who were trapped by All-or-Nothing Thinking, and challenging this distortion can sometimes be one very useful focus for the therapy. Letting go of All-or-Nothing Thinking can accelerate recovery, and can even lead to feelings of enlightenment and great joy.
    Last edited by Daniel; October 26th, 2020 at 09:27 AM.

  4. #684
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    “The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”

    ~ Mark Twain


    "Self-acceptance means you refuse to buy into the judgments your mind makes about you, whether they're good judgments or bad ones. Instead of judging yourself, recognize your strengths and weaknesses, and you can do what you can to be the person you want to be."

    "Happiness and self-acceptance go hand in hand. In fact, your level of self-acceptance determines your level of happiness. The more self-acceptance you have, the more happiness you’ll allow yourself to accept, receive and enjoy. In other words, you enjoy as much happiness as you believe you’re worthy of."

    ~ Russ Harris, The Happiness Trap


    “Negative emotions generally involve more thinking, and the information is processed more thoroughly than positive ones. Thus, we tend to ruminate more about unpleasant events — and use stronger words to describe them — than happy ones."

    ~ Praise Is Fleeting, but Brickbats We Recall


    "We are much better collectors of our shortcomings than our strengths.”

    ~ Ryan Howes


    “Imperfection is not our personal problem –- it is a natural part of existing. The boundary to what we can accept is the boundary to our freedom.”

    ~ Tara Brach
    Last edited by Daniel; October 26th, 2020 at 10:36 AM.

  5. #685
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    I especially like this one.

    Quote Originally Posted by Daniel View Post
    “The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”

    ~ Mark Twain
    And these ones.

    Quote Originally Posted by Daniel View Post
    "Self-acceptance means you refuse to buy into the judgments your mind makes about you, whether they're good judgments or bad ones. Instead of judging yourself, recognize your strengths and weaknesses, and you can do what you can to be the person you want to be."

    "Happiness and self-acceptance go hand in hand. In fact, your level of self-acceptance determines your level of happiness. The more self-acceptance you have, the more happiness you’ll allow yourself to accept, receive and enjoy. In other words, you enjoy as much happiness as you believe you’re worthy of."

    ~ Russ Harris, The Happiness Trap
    And this one:

    "We are much better collectors of our shortcomings than our strengths.”

    ~ Ryan Howes

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