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  1. #571
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    The session went well with the new guy, aside from his internet connection causing intermittent freezing (although not too bad, only a few sentences had to be repeated or fill-in-the-blank-ed... at first I wasn't sure whose internet issue it was but the application said the problem was on his side). He clearly follows the approach that I'd expected - I found him while looking on Dr. Jonice Webb's website about Childhood Emotional Neglect, so I wasn't surprised when he started talking about things in that framework. For bonus points he threw in a reference to Dr. Gabor Mate (who I haven't read much about but his stuff on trauma kind of makes sense to me, even though his framework around the cause of addiction seems too narrow). After the session he sent me a followup email summarising the things we'd spoken about.

    We just discussed the issue I'm having with my current therapist, what extra meaning I might be lumping in with not being able to resolve things with him, and a bit about decision making (given that I have to decide what to do with the therapy stuff). I'm still undecided, but I did confirm with new guy that so far he doesn't think I'm "not easy to talk to".

  2. #572
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    but I did confirm with new guy that so far he doesn't think I'm "not easy to talk to".
    Excellent!

  3. #573
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    I have a season with my regular therapist after work today. I haven't decided what to do. If it were anyone else in this situation I'd suggest that they bounce. But I still really want to be able to keep seeing him, and for him to care enough to go learn whatever skills he seems to be missing in order to be effective in treating me. It's hard to accept that that may never happen.

  4. #574
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    Quote Originally Posted by gooblax View Post
    and for him to care enough to go learn whatever skills he seems to be missing in order to be effective in treating me. It's hard to accept that that may never happen.
    Sometimes even a book or author recommendation can help, at least with validating your current experience. But if he doesn't even have that...

    Another way to manage some chronic mental health issues is to simply outgrow/outlive them. Which reminds me of Carl Rogers (again). In other words, you don't have to fix everything head on.
    Last edited by Daniel; August 11th, 2020 at 06:42 PM.

  5. #575
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    The session was good.

    I got to tell him my "entertaining story" that I'd wanted to tell, and later explained that I'm purposefully trying to show him my more likeable side because of thinking he doesn't like me. He said it was just an assumption on my part that he doesn't like me, that he doesn't dislike me (or else he'd have said that he'd have to refer me to someone else, as he's previously done with a small number of clients who he didn't like), and that he has to be cautious to avoid contributing to dependency. He clarified his "not easy to talk to" statement to be some of the time, not all of the time. And said my strategy was a bit of an "A+B=5" due to the assumption and because he wants to spend time in session on things that will be helpful rather than waste my time and money on things that aren't helpful.

    He said that he's discussed my treatment in his supervision group, which to me is reassuring that he's actually trying to figure out how to sort things out and be helpful rather than just taking a paycheck and not caring what happens.

    I asked about his fee because it was supposed to be going back up as of last week according to the info I was given when it was reduced. He didn't seem to appreciate my joke that he would've forgotten to tell me if I didn't ask :P But he said he's putting it back up for short term clients and not for longer term ones with a new fee structure and his practice manager will email the details.

    I still kind of struggled a bit to get him on the same page with why I have such intense emotional reactions to things that go wrong between us. We eventually agreed that it could be described by me not having previously trusted many people, trying to trust him, and him doing things that erode my trust. He seems to think that despite the erosion problems he's been demonstrating that he's worthy of my trust, and that some of the problems come from being unclear (plus being slack with emails).

    For the moment I think I'll keep seeing him, and keep seeing the counsellor to help me figure out what to do with the big feelings around stuff. Just need to sort out the scheduling of it.

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