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  1. #271
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    You are not a loser -- never have been, never will be. It seems to me you are using this as a way to put yourself down (as opposed to self-acceptance/compassion).

    And maybe you are a perfectionist, which seems in line with being an engineer. But perfectionism also makes it easier to be hard on yourself.

    More and more people are embracing the idea of neurodiversity. So we are already perfect anyway if not compared to an arbitrary standard.


  2. #272
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    @gooblax, I agree completely with @Daniel.

    The only "loser" is that notably inaccurate and negative inner critic that seemingly never has anything nice to say and just never shuts up.

  3. #273
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    Having emotions about stuff with my stupid therapist equates to loserishness though. Pre-2005 I would have been better than to get sucked into this.

  4. #274
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    No. That's not true either.

    It's very clear that you cannot trust what your inner critic says about you. None of it is accurate.

    The bottom line is that what the inner critic says are based on anxiety, fear, and worry. You fear or worry that you might be a "loser" so your inner critic confirms that. Doesn't make it true. Really, all that inner critic can do is confirm state what you worry about as fact. But she has no insight and no monopoly on reality. Quite the contrary: she only has a degree of monopoly on negativity and fantasy.

    You need to focus on challenging everything that inner critic says. Look for all the logical reasons that prove the inner critic is wrong and repeat those to yourself instead of repeating what the inner critic says.

  5. #275
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    Even if it is based on fear/worry, it is not safe to have feelings related to other people. Least of all in something as disgusting as a "therapeutic relationship" - I'd rather have no feelings at all with respect to that.

  6. #276
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    I would say with most people their relationship with their "dark side," e.g. inner critic, shadow self, pain body, etc., may be the toughest challenge since it more subconscious/deep.

    In other words, I can make myself feel horrible all on my own

  7. #277
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    "There are three Things extremely hard, Steel, a Diamond, and to know one's self."

    -- Benjamin Franklin

  8. #278
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    Quote Originally Posted by gooblax View Post
    Even if it is based on fear/worry, it is not safe to have feelings related to other people.
    What makes it unsafe, in your eyes?

  9. #279
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    Quote Originally Posted by David Baxter View Post
    What makes it unsafe, in your eyes?
    Getting hurt, hurting back.

    Quote Originally Posted by Daniel View Post
    I would say with most people their relationship with their "dark side," e.g. inner critic, shadow self, pain body, etc., may be the toughest challenge since it more subconscious/deep.
    I'm used to my 'inner critic' and it's not so bad when there's no other people involved.

  10. #280
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    Quote Originally Posted by gooblax View Post


    I'm used to my 'inner critic' and it's not so bad when there's no other people involved.
    Reminds me of something in ethics called negative utilitarianism -- basically life as damage control where avoiding pain is given more priority than seeking anything else. (It's a moral philosophy that only works on paper since it is too robotic and spiritless.)

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