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  1. #281
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    For me in my 20s and early 30s, a lot of my depression was really loneliness -- but I didn't know it fully until getting more in touch with my feelings in therapy.

    Another example is in the elderly. A lot of elderly people who are lonely are medicated for anxiety or depression when really their underlying issue is loneliness.

    The studies on loneliness actually show a lot of similarities between young adults and the elderly.

    I would argue that even if you hated everyone's guts, just working on socialization would help with your inner life by building frustration/distress tolerance and other factors like self-acceptance. "Interpersonal mindfulness" is a favorite phrase of mine and developing that increases mindfulness in general.

  2. #282
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    Quote Originally Posted by gooblax View Post
    Getting hurt, hurting back.
    But we have all been hurt before in the past. And that helps build resilience, allowing us to live more fully.

    Anxiety focuses on future hurt, forgetting in a way what one has already survived and been through -- and the worst is often already over, especially as one becomes more resilient over time.

    Just like it's hard to enjoy a flight if you are bracing for impact and expecting the worst.

  3. #283
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    And from one of my favorite quotes:

    "The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

    Ana´s Nin - Wikiquote

    Ana´s Nin - Wikipedia

    More by Ana´s Nin:

    "Life shrinks or expands according to one's courage."

    "To withhold from living is to die ... the more you give of yourself to life the more life nourishes you."

    "We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are."

  4. #284
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    And many social and psychological issues are largely cultural too. Robert Thurman makes the point that the American dream is to live on a property so big you don't have to see anyone else -- you against the Universe.

    And:


    Perfectionism Among Young People Significantly Increased Since 1980s, Study Finds

    They measured three types of perfectionism: self-oriented, or an irrational desire to be perfect; socially prescribed, or perceiving excessive expectations from others; and other-oriented, or placing unrealistic standards on others.

    The study, published in the journal Psychological Bulletin«, found that more recent generations of college students reported significantly higher scores for each form of perfectionism than earlier generations. Specifically, between 1989 and 2016, the self-oriented perfectionism score increased by 10 percent, socially prescribed increased by 33 percent and other-oriented increased by 16 percent...

    "perfectionism is rising among millennials."

  5. #285
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    It's really hard to justify inviting that sort of thing into my life when thinking about a stupid comment by my therapist from 6mths ago can still bring me to tears, for example. If I didn't have feelings about that "relationship" then it wouldn't be a problem.

  6. #286
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    How Not to Care When People Don't Like You

    "Spending time with people that care about you can boost your self-esteem and help you to feel more secure."

  7. #287
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    I've been trying to say for the most part I've never been particularly bothered by people not liking me much. And then there are the couple of exceptions that have screwed me up. I don't want any more exceptions.

  8. #288
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    I think I've decided on how to start the topic (how I feel about sessions now and why I think that is, plus stuff from sessions in 2008) next week. The trouble with it being a week away is that I'll no doubt change my mind again. There's just this false sense of urgency about resolving it but I don't know if it's even possible to resolve.

    On that note I've also been looking into whether there are any other therapists locally that I might want to try instead. Maybe someone who works more relationally to help me with this weird stuff. As much as I want to make things work with my current therapist, perhaps he can only help with more concrete things like my fear of driving or writing my work-competence self assessment. But this weird stuff is on my mind all the damn time and I really need a plan for getting it sorted out.

  9. #289
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    I like Psychology Today as one way for finding therapists. They have an Australian website too: https://www.psychologytoday.com/au

  10. #290
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    Re: My ongoing therapy dilemma

    I imagine it will be difficult to choose. At least for the ones that offer a free phone consult I'll get some more practice with phone anxiety.

    But I'd like to talk to my current therapist first and let him know, give him a chance to come up with a plan to make a plan... And if he doesn't want that chance, then decide on whether I want to try having 2 therapists for awhile (because that will affect what I tell the 2nd one during the consult).

    The other choosing issue is about age and gender, which in itself might be more difficult than it should be.

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