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  1. #11
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    Mar 2004
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    Re: Self harm thought musings and self awareness

    I just came across this article: 5 Secret Teenage Horrors Your Kid Probably Won't Tell You About | Full Heart, Empty Arms.

    One part stood out for me in relation to your history and situation:

    Nowadays, teens are diagnosed with anxiety and given medications to cope. But in the yesteryear of my own teenage years, you suffered in silence. The one time I worked up the courage to tell my mum how fear filled my every waking moment, her ‘help’ was to yell, yell and then yell some more.

  2. #12
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    Feb 2009
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    Re: Self harm thought musings and self awareness

    Sorry your brain is telling you that you deserve harm gooblax. It is not true i know that feeling but you only deserve understanding and compassion i hope you can care for you and not listen to those feeling of self hatred hugs
    Words always stay inside ones soul

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
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    Re: Self harm thought musings and self awareness

    I remember when I heard that song for the first time I was thinking that my feelings would make more sense if I was being abused, but my feelings were illegitimate/selfish/weak/wrong/bad because I wasn't. :/ I guess now I'm willing to entertain some wiggle room on the "illegitimate etc." side of the equation.

    Thanks fmn.

    So far so good in deciding that I can't yet make the decision whether I deserve it or not, so as a result I have to choose not to do it.
    Hopefully my brain will reset over the weekend and I'll stop thinking about it so much.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
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    Australia
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    Re: Self harm thought musings and self awareness

    I was doing a lot better with this on Friday, but then Friday night discovered a mistake in my work. Tried to sort it out but was so tired I was rearranging equations completely wrong so gave up and tried again this afternoon. It's unsalvageable because there was an incorrect understanding so I just don't have the data and am too dumb to figure out a different method. So we've got the "I'm an idiot" track playing there.

    For therapy homework (although I was going to do this anyway but I shared it with my therapist for my accountability) I'm supposed to come up with a detailed plan for the holidays especially NYE (except I wasn't going to plan for NYE because I'd be home then), but I have this 'unhelpful plan' for NYE that I dunno if I'm willing to let go of. And so it's like if I have that pencilled in for then, what's it matter if I entertain these thoughts now? But really I need to be getting to sleep because just missing a couple of hours each night is clearly affecting my mood and thoughts and ability to get work done, and maybe after sleeping it won't seem like such an inevitable NYE plan.

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