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  1. #1

    Obsessions ruining my life and relationship

    while iam at work as its not a particuly brain demanding job (iam a window cleaner) all I do is think and get worried about my girlfriend thinking all the time "is she cheating on me, is she gona finish with me, am I keeping her interested enough" its driving me mad and its putting a real big strain on my relationship as it worries me so much even though I know its stupid and it just doesnt go out of my head that I keep getting jealous around my girlfriend when she goes out with friends and I keep asking really stupid questions we've almost split up 4 times this past week because of it. and whats more because iam not regully going to work (cause of another problem ive mentioned in one of the other forums on this site) I cant afford to by her things or take her out much to apolagise wich in turn worries me more that she's gona get bored of me cause I know she really likes going out. so i just dont want her to get bored.
    and she mentioned to me the otherday that i and 2 other blokes she's been out with are the only ones she's been faithfull to. when i asked her why she said cause they treated her bad and she got bored, i asked her if she ever would and she said no not with you then i asked her if she ever did i rather she told mecause if she ever got that miserable id rather know. cause the last thing i want is for her to be unhappy in anyway. i think what also worries me is that iam 19 and she's 26 and used to party alot and has had alot of partners where as she's only my second sexual partner. i dont know wether iam being stupid reall parnoid or if theres something wrong with me but i need some advice if i carry on like this one of us is gona end up finishing it. thank you for any help

  2. #2

    Re: Just cant stop worrying about my girlfriend

    Hi Steven,

    All that you can ever be is yourself in any relationship. If someone is going to love you, you have to be open to their love. I have a friend who sounds much like you. He learned that he "thinks too much." He worries that he is going to lose his girlfriend. In the process of worrying and other concerns, he has pushed his girlfriend away. I think you have to focus on what you DO have instead of what you think you are about to lose. Be yourself with your girlfriend. Stop over analyzing your actions, thoughts or interactions with your girlfriend. I wonder if you have found yourself outside of your comfort zone? Our comfort zones are much larger than we give ourselves credit. Comfort many times is just a thought that leads to a comfortable feeling. Be comfortable with yourself wherever you might find yourself and others will feel the same. Keep us posted.

  3. #3

    Re: Just cant stop worrying about my girlfriend

    I don't think you're stupid, hon. However, I do think you're allowing yourself to worry so much about what MIGHT be that you're losing sight of what is and what CAN be. Money isn't what makes a relationship. Understanding caring, and communication are much more valuable contributions in that respect. If you can just relax and let things flow naturally, I think you'll find you'll feel better and your relationship will benefit.

  4. #4

    Re: Just cant stop worrying about my girlfriend

    i think my bigist problem is just being able to relax i worry all the time especial if things are going ok, and the worst thing is i dont know how to stop

  5. #5

    Re: Just cant stop worrying about my girlfriend

    Are your worries specific to your relationship with your gf or do you think you worry preaty much about everything?

  6. #6

    Re: Just cant stop worrying about my girlfriend

    depends what my minds on, but just lately my minds always on my girlfriend so its that that i worry about

  7. #7

    Re: Just cant stop worrying about my girlfriend


    I'm in a similar situation...where I over analyze!! Don't get me wrong, I do feel that regular assesments are necessary. But over analysis creates pitfalls where there are none. I speak from experience!! I have projected what i "THINK" the situation, when in fact it is nothing near that. Unless your girlfriend gives you any legitamate indication that there is a comfortable and confident with what you have. She's with you because she see something in you that she is attracted to. You are you ahve done something that has retained her emotions to this point...keep it up. Keep being yourself . You can't expect anymore of yourself than that. One can only hope that they are partnered with someone who will have enough respect for them to discuss any issues that may arise. If they are not, than you know this is not the person for you.


  8. #8

    Re: Just cant stop worrying about my girlfriend

    thanks jeff i think i have to keep that in mind and also think about what i say before i say it as ive really offended my girlfrien twice this week cause ive said something that as soon as i said it i wish i hadnt

  9. #9

    Re: Just cant stop worrying about my girlfriend

    got into another argument last night, basically the past few weeks my girlfriend has come out the to me that she thinks she's bisexual, and says that she wouldnt mind sleeping with a women however i cant see how thats any different then her saying she wants to cheat on me. anyway that argument was a week ago the one last night was that she got some sex toys and some porno vidios in (we're both quite sexual and adventurios) so she put the prono on next thing i know she asking me things like "is getting hard babe" and "is it making you horny" well i didnt really feel in the mood anyway (plus i was thinking well she's probably getting more turned on by this then me) so i said no iam not in the mod. she turns around and after alittle bit of tring to get me to "be in the mood" just says fine then and get out a vibrator. so i say do you mind if you dont do that infront of me right now how would you feel if you wernt in the mood and i just pulled it out and started to have a wank. anyway she seemed really of with me after that so we had a bit of an argument then she said the reason she went in a bit of a mood was because she thought she done something wrong and thats why i wasnt in the mood. so we kinda sorted that still a bit of a heavy atmosphere in the air later on we played with the toys and then while we were laying in bed she say"iam sorry that you dont get me that wet i wish you did" so i said do you think you might be fully lesbian and she said maybe. anyway another big discusion and we came to the conclusion that she really loves me and i her and that we want to be together, and that if it bothers me so badly she really wouldnt want to sleep with a women. but i know that thats something she has to try but i cant be with her if she does do that cause under any cercumstances i think thats cheating but i dont want to finish with her and i dont want her to be unhappy.

    So is it me, is it her or is it both of us? and what do i do about it?

  10. #10

    Re: Just cant stop worrying about my girlfriend


    I think you both need to be COMPLETELY honest and CANDID about what it is that you:
    1- Want for yourselves
    a. If you're feeling that her sleeping with another woman to explore her potential bi-sexuality (or lesbianism) is a form of cheating. That is a valid feel, primarily because that is something that is "tugging" at your moral values. She needs to be made aware of these a tactful, but truthful way.
    b. If your girlfriend is in fact a lesbian, she needs to acknowledge that and deal with it in a healthy way. Coming "out of the closet" is not an easy thing...TRUST ME, I know of what I speek! It also should NOTbe ignored just for the sake of keeping you happy. If that is done, you can pretty much be assured that the issue will ariase again and NOT in a good way. This may very well present itself as resentment towards you directly. I'm sure you don't want that.
    2- Want for the relationship
    a. Discussing and defining some goals for your relationship can be a good thing. Some times necessary. Some examples: What is it that you are each looking to get out of the relationshipfrom the other? Is this a serious...long term thing? Is this just a casual relationship?
    b. You mentioned that the two of you were "sexually adventurous"... would bringing a third party (another woman) into the picture, to explore be a possibility? I feel I need to clarify a bit on this last one: This is something my ex and I would do occasionally/rarely (though it would be a third guy) but we talked about it ahead of time. We decided that there needed to be "rules" to it. :! 1- We ALWAYS asked if the other was in the mood to play...meaning; is that something they wanted to do at the time. If "YES"...fine. If "NO" the subject was dropped with no ill feelings. 2- The "thrid" was a mutual decision 3- We NEVER played without the other...that would be cheating! :!
    c. What if your girlfriend is in fact a lesbian? Ho wdo you intend to handle it? Keep in mind (though it may be tough at the moment) that her being a lesbian...IS NOT YOUR FAULT!! Yes, it would be a blow to your ego and even hurtful to think that she may not need to be with you (as a man). But in the long run, if you do in fact care for her as much as you allude need to be understanding of the circumstances. Steven...this is NOT to say that it may not hurt to deal with this epiphany...but it is one you will survive!!

    All and all, the key to any successful relationship ( on any level) is communication. You need to find a constructive and non-threatening way to discuss these withyour girlfriend. You cannot keep them bottled up or just between you and us here at the "Forum". Whatever the outcome of these discussions is, examine the facts FULLY before reacting or resolving yourselves to a solution. Always keep in mind, there are two of you in this relationship, these decissions need to be made together.


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