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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
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    Canada
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    Don't want to die just want the pain to end

    I have so much going on in my past. Not going to get into it all but years and years of trauma. Diagnosed with complex trauma, major depression, anxiety and panic attack disorders. Plus chronic pain and just recently type 1 diabetes. Plus coping with a husband of 23 years who now has a girl friend and is opening going out with her.

    About three weeks ago had my first suicide attempt. Took a bottle of two dosages of oxycodin and that was it. Too bad he came home early from his date with his girlfriend and called an ambulance. Spent a week in hospital.

    Getting robbed and assault this past week was my last straw. I have too much to deal with. I don't really want to die I just want the emotional pain to just go away. Easier said than done. I wanted to try it again today but my therapist keeps coming into my mind telling me not to do it. My therapist is awesome. Just wish I could see him more than one hour each week. I need more time with him but am afraid to ask.

    I need to toss my oxy pills in the trash but need them for my chronic pain. Without them I am in excruciating physical pain. But having the pills around is just too convenient for times when I get into my dark times which is most days. I just feel like I have nothing to live for. I haven't been able to work in two years due to being in a horrendous four car wreck hit by a drunk driver at a high rate of speed, which has affected my physical and mental pain. My husband constantly reminds me of just what a burden I am to our finances which causes him to work more hours. I went from earning $ 50,000 yearly to now making $20,000 on disability. I desperately want to get back to work as I've worked since I was 16, and I hate his daily insults, which also greatly affects my mental health.

    The only person that is really keeping me from completing my suicide is my awesome therapist. But do I tell him that. I've had him for 2 years. I have made progress with his help. I feel if I tell him my suicide thoughts that he will think he's not doing his part as a therapist. This is farthest from the truth, and I don't want him to be disappointed in me.
    That is my worry.

    Reading posts on this site also helps. Reaching out and talking to posts will help before I see my therapist next week. I really want to text him, but he values his weekend with his family and I don't want to he a burden.

    Thanks for reading.
    Last edited by Hunter; September 27th, 2020 at 12:28 AM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
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    Re: Don't want to die just want the pain to end

    i think being honest with your therapist is the way he can help you more. If you can get someone to hold onto your pain pills for you and just have them given to you when needed that will keep you safe. Also maybe time to think about you now and get things in order with lawyer so that you are not left behind ok i am sorry you are being treated so cruel.
    Words always stay inside ones soul

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