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  1. Amethyst Perspecti

    I've been thinking about this site for a while, building up the nerve to post. It's difficult to confess, I usually try to distract myself when I will.

    Here it is. Don't know where to start so I'll begin with the obvious.

    I have agoraphobia. It's fairly recent, began around late August '05, and it gave me a lot of time for retrospect and introspect. I've done a lot of research and philosophized like a moron. Forgive me if my thoughts are scattered.

    I'm 19, live in Northern California. I haven't spoken physically since midsummer. For as long as I can remember I've had depression and "ignored" it. I guess it catches up. I developed a paranoia and insomnia soon after which I fell in love with. I guess one becomes accustomed to such things that it becomes normal. Through my depression I developed an interest in personality disorders. I'm not sure why. I think the knowledge did more harm. As time passed, I began to show obsessive compulsive tendencies (washing my hands 10 times a day with soap and very hot water, fear of doorknobs, a paranoia induced ritual in which I thoroughly inspect a room upon entering, and I assume others I'm not aware of).

    Sometimes I feel so lonely, I stay up watching TV, sometimes losing myself in fantasies of everyday life. Interruptions makes me want to break something as my heart twists. I've been to the edge of seeking help, the words on the tip of a pen, yet I pussy out at the last second and distract myself with video games, message boards, TV, whatever makes me stop thinking.

    I know I'm going to regret this post tomorrow. No need to reply.

  2. #2

    Re: Amethyst Perspecti

    Welcome, Amethyst. I hope that this will not be something you regret but maybe the first step toward positive change.

  3. #3

    Re: Amethyst Perspecti

    Hi Amethyst, I agree with Dr. David and I also hope that this is not something that you are going to regret. I know for me it has turned out to be a safe and caring place which just might be what you need.

    Welcome again!
    Take Care
    Nancy

  4. Re: Amethyst Perspecti

    Welcome Amethyst, no need to regret. We're here when you need us, and you can close the window when you don't.

    take care

  5. #5

    Re: Amethyst Perspecti

    Hi Amethyst and welcome

    I haven't spoken physically since midsummer.
    I'm glad you've "spoken" in here.

  6. #6

    Re: Amethyst Perspecti

    Welcome, Amethyst! We're glad to have you here and hope you will not regret posting. It's a good, caring community.

  7. #7

    Re: Amethyst Perspecti

    Just wanted to say welcome and glad your here.
    Rosa

  8. #8

    Re: Amethyst Perspecti

    I've been thinking about this site for a while, building up the nerve to post.
    i'm glad u had the "nerve" , it takes some strenght to "talk" to others about how u feel.. i (and i believe a lot of the others here) have felt the same way as you did. (will I \won't i?) but u did it!!! and i am glad u did.

    Sometimes I feel so lonely, I stay up watching TV,
    i do this too, flicking the channels not really watching anything.

    I know I'm going to regret this post tomorrow.
    i hope u haven't\won't regret your post. and that u will come back and let us know how u are getting on.


    nsa

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