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  1. #41
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    Re: Avoidant Personality Disorder

    A possibly similar point:

    With negative/ruminative thinking, it's easy to get lost in symptoms, problems of living, etc. at the expense of focusing on solutions (including what you are doing already that is effective/helpful) and what you want in life anyway.

    For example:

    Solution-Focused Questions for Anxiety
    ďOut beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there.Ē ~ Rumi

  2. #42
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    Re: Avoidant Personality Disorder

    Sorry if I wasn't clear. I was just trying to express that you seem overly obsessed with finding a specific identifier to your problem(s) and it will only increase your anxiety rather than calm it. (BTW it's totally understandable)

    Physical problems need as clear and concise a diagnosis as possible. Example: My heart problem is mainly caused by acute coronary artery disease. The diagnosis is important because it defines a pretty exact treatment protocol: lowering blood pressure, thinning blood and reducing the risk of clotting by reducing my platelet levels substantially. When I had blocked arteries the diagnosis was important and hence the recommended treatment depending on the % of the blockage was stents or CAGB (Coronary artery bypass surgery)

    Psyychiatric/Psychological problems are different since the same "issue" can be caused by a multitude of factors that unless a psychiatrist or psychologist could rewind and watch your whole life to see if any outside factors that you could potentially not remember have caused or aggravated the "issue". Example my fear of abandonment and of rejection could probably be caused by childhood trauma or simply by other neuropsychiatric problems or everything combined. Knowing what triggered or cause the issue can help to understand and treat accordingly but most therapy is focused on learning to overcome and deal with it and if medication is necessary then many trials might be necessary. Psychiatry and Psychology are not exact sciences. What might seem like the blatantly obvious cause of a problem or a diagnosis might be totally out in left field. But when it comes to treating certain problems there is a lot of trial and error over the years to be able to work out an approach to help you deal with the issue. I remember when one psychiatrist told me my only problem was that I had a "personality disorder" When I asked my GP what the heck is a personality disorder he said that's what they say when they don't have the slightest clue what's wrong with you.

    Also, I believe that unless a medication has been tried and totally failed or caused serious side effects if a psychiatrist recommends trying it (ex the Prozac) then I think the risk is worth the potential reward. After all he has spent a lot of time learning about this stuff to get his degree. Worse case scenario you feel like crap till the stuff is finally out of your system if the med trial didn't work or gave negative side effects that were intolerable.

    I've personally been through 2 trials in the last 2 months one as a combo therapy with bupropion and sertraline on my recommendation and the other was my doctor's suggestion that I try Trintellix. Both were really bad total failures. Can't win them all.

    Try some of the suggestions that have been offered to help you maybe start with your anxiety. Reducing anxiety has a funny side effect of making other issues so much easier to deal with. My Tourette for example was diagnosed as "mild" oh boy you would think I was on Cocaine, Crack or Meth when it would flare up in anxious moments. Mindfulness might be a good start for calming your anxiety also deep breathing techniques. Daniel seems to know a lot about it and is always willing to provide help so he could probably help you with tips or guidance on the subject. He's also very good and finding relevant articles. Kind of like our own human version of a Google search engine for the forum There is so much help and information on the forum regarding anxiety. I only seem to be able to deal with my anxiety with Clonazepam (probably due to less work and effort needed on my part) but sooner or later as the tolerance continues to build it will no longer be effective and so I too need to start learning techniques to lower my anxiety and stress levels with other means.

    EDIT: See what I mean as I was taking forever on top of being interrupted writing my response Daniel (our forum Google) had already added another post. I think a pretty good one!
    Last edited by GaryQ; October 31st, 2018 at 03:36 PM. Reason: EXTRA COMMENT

  3. #43
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    Re: Avoidant Personality Disorder

    Quote Originally Posted by GaryQ View Post
    Sorry if I wasn't clear. I was just trying to express that you seem overly obsessed with finding a specific identifier to your problem(s) and it will only increase your anxiety rather than calm it. (BTW it's totally understandable)

    Physical problems need as clear and concise a diagnosis as possible. Example: My heart problem is mainly caused by acute coronary artery disease. The diagnosis is important because it defines a pretty exact treatment protocol: lowering blood pressure, thinning blood and reducing the risk of clotting by reducing my platelet levels substantially. When I had blocked arteries the diagnosis was important and hence the recommended treatment depending on the % of the blockage was stents or CAGB (Coronary artery bypass surgery)

    Psyychiatric/Psychological problems are different since the same "issue" can be caused by a multitude of factors that unless a psychiatrist or psychologist could rewind and watch your whole life to see if any outside factors that you could potentially not remember have caused or aggravated the "issue".
    So I went and saw therapist for second time and he more or less said the same thing - I'm overly stuck on finding an exact name for my issue(s).


    And I am sorry to say...but I AM. I can not help it. If someone has cancer or ALS, and feels horrible, they probably would not accept "well it's not important what is specifically wrong with you" as a sufficient answer.


    I can't help it - I feel the same way. I want to know, EXACTLY, what is wrong with my head so I can fix it.


    As it is I don't know if I'm even going to go back to the next meeting with that therapist (like several before him) as I don't see what the point is.

  4. #44
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    Re: Avoidant Personality Disorder

    i Understand how you feel. Iím the same way they all want to find some medication or therapy to break my chronic depression and nobody seems to want to figure out what is the root cause(s) of it.

    Sometimes i find it as stupid as if you take your car in to the garage because your battery keeps dying and they just keep replacing it rather than figuring what is actually wrong thatís causing it to die.

    But then sadly the brain isnít as simple. Itís more important to help you learn how to deal with it so that your quality of life improves than naming it. Because unless itís a neurological issue or brain damage itís going to require pretty much the same therapy based on what you are experiencing regardless of what itís called.

    The only difference between you and me in this thread is that itís your problem we are discussing and not mine which removes me from it and allows me to look at it from a logical and rational point of view. So much easier for me to do than when Iím dealing with my own issues.

    I would like to strongly encourage you to just continue going to see the therapist. I donít have that privilege. Try and focus on whatís important: feeling better one day! Knowing what is causing it wonít miraculously make it any better. You will still have to go through the process and the hard work needed to reprogram your mind to deal with your daily struggles.

    Just hold on tight and keep going to therapy and I guarantee it canít get worse but can in time get better but you have to put the effort and open yourself up to the possibility of it helping otherwise youíll end up stuck in a trap just like me and thatís not fun.

  5. #45
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    Re: Avoidant Personality Disorder

    As it is I don't know if I'm even going to go back to the next meeting with that therapist (like several before him) as I don't see what the point is.
    "The healing is in the meeting." ~ Martin Buber

    “I find that this desire to be all of oneself in each moment — all the richness and complexity, with nothing hidden from oneself, and nothing feared in oneself — this is a common desire in those who have seemed to show much movement in therapy. I do not need to say that this is a difficult, and in its absolute sense an impossible goal. Yet one of the most evident trends in clients is to move toward becoming all of the complexity of one’s changing self in each significant moment.”

    Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

    (Personally, I have learned the hard way not to quit therapy.)
    Last edited by GaryQ; November 19th, 2018 at 07:15 PM.
    ďOut beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there.Ē ~ Rumi

  6. #46
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    Re: Avoidant Personality Disorder

    It just seems like - a lot of or most of the time - we're just shooting the breeze.


    No, I don't have a lot of friends and I am isolating almost in extremes at this point. If it weren't for the fact that I am on my own now (literally) and if I don't have a paycheck every week and pay my bills I literally am going to be on the street, otherwise I might make very little effort at all to run in to people. The few "friends" I do have, most of them are active alcoholics (high-functioning, unlike me).



    I'm not sure If I'm going to continue on with the meetings - the drive is farther than I'd like to begin with.


    I will take your advice into consideration though.

  7. #47
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    Re: Avoidant Personality Disorder

    BTW: Small Talk in Therapy

    Also, even going once a month may be better than nothing. And, of course, you can address this issue to your therapist.
    ďOut beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there.Ē ~ Rumi

  8. #48
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    Re: Avoidant Personality Disorder

    6 Awkward Things You Must Tell Your Therapist

    It's very important to remember that you can get the most out of therapy when you bring up what you are truly thinking and feeling-- even when-- or especially when-- it involves the therapy itself...


    3) You are unsure if you are making progress.

    For many people, especially if they are conflict-avoidant, one of the most difficult conversations of all is to express doubt or dissatisfication about the therapeutic process or, even more specifically, the therapist themselves. A large percentage of people would rather just stop seeing the therapist than have this conversation and try to recalibrate whatever doesn't seem to be working. And of course, this is an understandable reaction. Some therapists are simply better than others, and even when competence is not an issue, match can be-- certain styles and theoretical orientations and personalities are more bound to click with your needs than others are. But other times, feeling stalled can be part of the therapy process itself, as there's a certain truth to the fact that sometimes you must feel worse before you can get better. This is virtually a guarantee if you are reopening old wounds or spending a lot of time talking about things that sadden or anger or frighten you. And to flee the therapy at that crucial point can be shooting yourself in the foot-- doing the work without sticking around to get the reward. So bring it up instead, and see where it goes.
    ďOut beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there.Ē ~ Rumi

  9. #49
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    Re: Avoidant Personality Disorder

    Quote Originally Posted by Roy H. View Post
    It just seems like - a lot of or most of the time - we're just shooting the breeze.
    That's probably a very intelligent effective way for your therapist to make you feel COMFORTABLE so that you can trust him and truly open up. Once you feel safe then he can attack your issues with you. In any type of relationship until a person feels safe enough to open up you'll never get anywhere past superficial dialogue.

    No, I don't have a lot of friends and I am isolating almost in extremes at this point. If it weren't for the fact that I am on my own now (literally) and if I don't have a paycheck every week and pay my bills I literally am going to be on the street, otherwise I might make very little effort at all to run in to people. The few "friends" I do have, most of them are active alcoholics (high-functioning, unlike me).

    There's no such thing as a high-functioning alcoholic... just someone pretending to get by till everything finally starts to unravel and fall apart. Better to have no friends than someone that might encourage you to have a "sip" when you already have problems with drinking.


    I'm not sure If I'm going to continue on with the meetings - the drive is farther than I'd like to begin with.
    I will take your advice into consideration though.
    Well if you find a better way to make your life happier and to learn to overcome your issues then sure, go ahead and stop therapy. But there's no miracle cure or quick fix that doesn't involve hard work.

    Just convert this wasted energy and refocus it towards your therapy and then over time we can all be happy for you when you come back to share the progress you will make even if its a tiny bit progress is progress!

  10. #50
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    Re: Avoidant Personality Disorder

    Oh and this therapist of yours must be very good, after all he pretty much reiterated what I had told you

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