Unfortunately 2 of my boyfriend's 3 daughters exhibit many of those behaviors.
Their mother (who I, along with others I know in the psychiatric field, believe has borderline personality disorder) has pretty much turned them against me. We have been to court several times. She has come on my property after being told legally, by a certified letter, not to come there. She had pushed me and pushed me until one night I called and left a few nasty messages on her answering machine (I shouldn't have, but a person can only take so much).
At any rate, I'm sure it's been difficult for the children. That woman calls me all kinds of names and is just a very nasty person. She constantly tries to pick fights with my boyfriend, calls and leaves nasty messages. It's really a shame what those girls have witnessed.
To be honest, there are times I avoid them (the girls). They often exhibit behavior that is consistent with their mother's behaviors. They are very manipulative, and sometimes just not much fun to be around. I'm sure this is going to be an ongoing thing with them because I don't think their mother has sought out counseling for them. The one sees a school counselor, but I don't think they spend a lot of time together, and to be honest, the one that sees the counselor (youngest, age 8) seems to me to have gotten worse.
I really have no say in the matter, and neither does my boyfriend. If he tries to bring anything up to her she blames everything on him and even me. She's a screamer and she definitely has that uncanny ability to get under my skin.
I don't know if anyone would have any suggestions. We've tried talking to them. The 11 year old has actually said (to her sisters) that she hates me. We all had a talk after that, she kind of retracted her statement, but what led up to her saying that was that two nights before he picked them up for their weekend visit they had called to see if they could stay with him (their mother works in a bar), we had a christmas party to go to and he said that he couldn't (the only time ever that he said no), so their mother, after his daughter relayed the message said something to the effect that "everything's always more imprortant than you girls"...
I mean really, who does she think she's hurting?
So, anyways that some of the experiences I've had with being in a "step-family" (not officially because we aren't married, but we live together).
"How far down the rabbit hole do you want to go?" - Reggie - from the movie "What the Bleep Do We Know?"