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  1. #1
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    Changing Therapists

    Hi everyone,

    I just wanted to get some insight from some of you who may have experienced this before. And I guess - I'm just so confused, I don't know what to think.

    I've been seeing the same therapist for about a year and a half now. We knew each other beforehand, and after about six months I felt like things weren't really going well but I wanted to stick it out and see how it went. It's now been a year and a half. I haven't seen him for three months because he goes away for the summer. The last time I saw him was June 8. In his absence I was (am) seeing someone else that he recommended. She is absolutley amazing. I clicked with her right away, I'm not afraid to speak up, I feel like I can be open and honest. Pretty much everything I DON'T feel with my other therapist. Anyway, it's been a really hard decision but I've decided to continue with her and stop seeing him. The problem is, I don't want him out of my life, I just don't want to see him as a therapist.

    Now that he's back I've been trying to get an appointment with him and every time I propose he just comes back and says "no sorry I'm busy then". I gave it one last shot today and proposed this Saturday. Right now I'm really, really angry and even hateful towards him. But, I feel like after three years (remember I knew him before) of confiding in the guy I'd like some level of closure and I also owe it to him to let him know that I'm not continuing anymore. I don't want it to end with me feeling like this towards him, but I'm not getting anywhere in trying to meet with him. I've decided that if he says no to Saturday I'm not even going to respond because what am I supposed to say at this point? I guess I'll just cease to exist in his eyes. Again, I don't want to end feeling like I'm hating him, and I don't want it to end badly, but I don't really know where to go if he's being less than cooperative.

    Any help you guys can provide would be appreciated. I"m trying to not focus on what I'm losing (potentially a friendship) but rather focus on what I'm gaining (an amazing therapist who totally gets me on every level).

  2. #2
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    Re: Changing Therapists

    If you do find that he's unable to meet with you on Saturday, what about an email (or a letter) explaining your feelings? That way, you can at least communicate what you would like him to know and understand. That should give you some closure, at least.

  3. #3
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    Re: Changing Therapists

    The only thing i can think of here is to write aletter to him and explain that you are gonna stay with your new therapist and thank him for the refferal. Then maybe suggest you meet up after work some evening and have a coffee or a drink maybe.. that way you are still the same friend you always were and giving him the same option to remain your friend as well.

    I'm glad you have found this amazing therapist.. good for you..

    nsa

  4. #4
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    Re: Changing Therapists

    It might have to be an email. The main problem with that is that it'll be one way - he won't respond so I'll forever wonder. Plus, you can't read tone in email, so I don't want it to be taken the wrong way. I'm just so angry with him now that I'm saying I don't care, but I know I do. At the end of the day email might be my only option though...and at least I'll have said my piece.

  5. #5
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    Re: Changing Therapists

    is it an option to talk about it over the phone rather than send email?

  6. #6
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    Re: Changing Therapists

    Baseballcap -

    Possibly. My problem with him is that he is incredibly unfriendly over the phone AND in email...but when you meet him in person he's the opposite...it's very bizarre. But, maybe phone is a better option than email....At least there's the chance that actual dialogue could occur. Yup, I s'pose that's an option as well.

  7. #7
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    Re: Changing Therapists

    I agree with BBC in that maybe a phone call will at least give you the closure and the feeling of being able to tell him what you want without wondering if you send an email first if he actually got it, whether he read it and whether he will respond. If you call him and speak to him over the phone than there is no guessing that he heard you and you hear him.

    As for finding a new therapist....I am truly happy for you and think that this is a great decision that you are making.

    I believe that not that many months ago I was in the same boat and I am so glad that I have found this new therapist .

    Take care and good luck with whatever you decide but please keep us updated if you can.

  8. #8
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    Re: Changing Therapists

    or, the other option would be, why not invite him out for a beer, coffee or whatever and then bring the things up you wanted to tell him once you're out together? he doesn't even have to know that you have something to tell him. just invite him out.

    just another thought.. no idea if this would work as i don't know either of you

  9. #9
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    Re: Changing Therapists

    Well, I have an appointment on Saturday with him. I'm planning my "speech" as we speak...I just don't want to lose touch with him but if I do then I guess that's the way it will be. I"m excited though to be switching over...

  10. #10
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    Re: Changing Therapists

    I'm glad you've found a therapist who really suits you, BG. Hopefully, you will be able to maintain your friendship with your previous therapist. If you can, that will be great. If you can't, what you'll gain from having a therapist who can, and will, really help you will be more than worth the sacrifice, I'll bet.

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