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Thread: Tough Time Too

  1. #1
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    Re: Tough Time

    This past week has been surreal. My coworker's husband committed suicide a week ago Thurs. morning.

    It was not a surprise, considering he was struggling with the thoughts and previous attempts for the last 20 years.

    I'm conflicted on what it is I'm suppose to feel. Yes I feel bad for her and would like to help her as much as I can, but at the same time I know what her husband was feeling.

    I also see the devastation that the suicide has caused her and her family and friends, and what my family and friends would be going through if I ended it all.

    We've spoken about how I've felt in the past, and the first thing she said to me when I called a few days ago was that "I don't want to put my family what he put his through."

    On the other hand, all I feel is the vast emptiness and hopelessness that I will never find happiness or fill the hole in my soul no matter what or who I have in my life.

    I'm not sure how to process all of this. Do I take this as a death that happened or as a lesson from life to keep going?

    This is the second time this year where something of this magnitude has happened. Back in March after store closing, one of the sales manager and I discovered the body of a coworker who had passed away during store hours. We did our best to try to get a pulse, but were unsuccessful. After that whole experience, I still am not sure of what it is I'm suppose to feel either.

    I kind of feeling that life is trying to get my attention but I wonder how long will it be or what more has to take place before I understand the message?

  2. #2
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    Re: Tough Time

    solitary man, the hopelessness is what makes everything so incredibly difficult. it's very hard to see beyond it. it's even harder to get beyond it on your own. depression is a struggle. the good news is, you can get well, even though now it may seem impossible. i'm in the middle of recovery right now, and even though i still have my days where it all seems pointless, i am also having days that are better. i've gone from severe depression to mild depression. i know i am improving. it is possible. maybe life is trying to tell you that life is precious and it is worth living. it is tragic that these two people died. it is very sad. maybe life is trying to show you that this isn't really what you want. it's a struggle to get well but it is possible with the right help. have you seen your family doctor? are you getting any kind of professional counseling? i think it would be well worth it for you to consider it, if you haven't gone down this road yet.
    ~ our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising each time we fall - confucius
    ~ it is the journey, not the destination, that matters
    ~ keep hanging on, the sun will come shining through for you again

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    Re: Tough Time

    Yes, I'm currently working with both my family doctor and the psychiatrist he referred me to.

    In the past, my sessions were one to two months apart. My last one was in the middle of Aug. and the next one coming up is in the last week of Oct.

    After the Oct session, I will in the system (as he called it) so I will be receiving sessions every two weeks. The thing is when I first saw him, he recommended that I see him 4 times a week, which never materialized.

    He has recommended that I take anti depressants and anti anxiety meds. Even my family doctor has given me free samples of Effexor.

    I'm still undecided or more importantly hesistant about taking drugs.
    I know meds has helped a great deal of people but I already see myself as a failure and taking meds just solidifies the fact of my unability to fix my life.

    Maybe in the future I will reconsider taking them.
    I'm hoping by talking about myself and trusting someone, something that I simply do not know how to do, I will find a way to overcome this.

    Thanks for reading.

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    Re: Tough Time

    He has recommended that I take anti depressants and anti anxiety meds. Even my family doctor has given me free samples of Effexor. I'm still undecided or more importantly hesistant about taking drugs. I know meds has helped a great deal of people but I already see myself as a failure and taking meds just solidifies the fact of my unability to fix my life.
    If you had a malfunctioning thyroid and your doctor told you to take thyroxin, would you refuse because you felt like a failure? If you had a high blood pressure and your doctor told you to take an anti-hypertensive, would you refuse because you felt like a failure? If you had dianetes and your doctor told you to take insulin, would you refuse because you felt like a failure?

    This is no different. Your inability to get past this sense of failure and hoplelessness and pointlessness is probably going to continue until you start to take something to help shift you out of the depression you are in.

    You went to an expert for advice. Why do you now refuse to take that advice?

  5. #5
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    Re: Tough Time

    Quote Originally Posted by David Baxter View Post
    If you had a malfunctioning thyroid and your doctor told you to take thyroxin, would you refuse because you felt like a failure? If you had a high blood pressure and your doctor told you to take an anti-hypertensive, would you refuse because you felt like a failure? If you had dianetes and your doctor told you to take insulin, would you refuse because you felt like a failure?

    This is no different. Your inability to get past this sense of failure and hoplelessness and pointlessness is probably going to continue until you start to take something to help shift you out of the depression you are in.

    You went to an expert for advice. Why do you now refuse to take that advice?
    I know, this is the very thing I keep asking myself.
    I think it has to do with the infrequent sessions I've had with this psychiatrist that I've hesistated taking anything.

    I don't want to be on meds, not knowing how to deal with effects and being left to my own devices without the proper support behind me. Granted, I don't want someone holding my hand...I've never been a big fan of The Beatles.

    I'm just trying to figure this out, one day at a time.

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    Re: Tough Time

    I don't mean to sound harsh, solitary man. I'm just trying to be direct.

    These are not difficult medications to manage. With something like Effexor, you start off at a minimal dose. If you have any side-effects that aren't showing clear signs of improvement after 5-7 days, your doctor can prescribe something else. With a little trial and error, most patients can find something that works for them without side-effects.

    I think the real point of my comments is I don't think you have a single thing to lose by trying the medication.

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    Re: Tough Time

    solitary man, i was very hesitant to take medication myself. i never even would take a tylenol for a simple thing like a headache. it led to things becoming worse for me. i finally took the plunge with them, at a loss for what else to do, and i am glad that i did. if you have problems with side effects you can always go back to your doctor. i was really worried about side effects too but in the end i hardly had any. i was started on a low dose for the first week or so to get my body accustomed and then i went up to the full dose.

    i think dr. baxter is right. you don't have anything to lose at this point.
    ~ our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising each time we fall - confucius
    ~ it is the journey, not the destination, that matters
    ~ keep hanging on, the sun will come shining through for you again

  8. #8
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    Re: Tough Time

    solitary man, I was also err.... 'ashamed' of taking meds, and really really reluctant. But if your psych suggested them for depression and anxiety it is because you have a 'biological' chemical imbalance. This is just as real as having a broken leg, and nothing to be ashamed of. Its not because you can't handle yourself. The guilt and shame you may be feeling can also be part of your depression/anxiety.

    Working through the emotions via introspection and therapy is always a good idea. But the meds allow you (and I know this may sound strange) to think clearly, with out the intense emotions clouding your thought.

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    Re: Tough Time

    Most people are reluctant to take medications. Even newly-diagnosed diabetics cringe at the idea of having to take insulin, or oral medications, for the rest of their lives. Yet, without the medications their quality of life will not be what it could be, and not taking the medications could cost them their lives, literally. It's not their fault, and it's not because they're "weak". They have a disease that needs treatment. They cannot, and should not, ever be blamed for that. The same holds true for mental/emotional diseases.

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    Re: Tough Time

    SM

    I know that when I was first given medication for depression I was very reluctant to take it as well. I actually went on and off it for a period of about 4 years just because I struggled so much with being on it in my own mind. I finally broke down the barrier that I had created in my own head and realized that it was no different than heart medication, or diabetic insulin, or high blood pressure medication. None of those are any more important than my medication for my illness. I have to admit that it took me a while to figure that one out although it was told to me over and over.

    I only wish now that I had realized it earlier so I wouldn't have wasted 4 years coming on and off the medication and I could have gained the benefits of being on medication much earlier. Oh well, as they say better late than never .

    Anyway, what I am trying to say is what have you got to lose. There is no shame in taking medication for a legitimate illness that you have. I know that in your own mind that it is hard to accept but you also have to remember that if you are suffering from depression like I was than your mind is probably not thinking clearly to start with.

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