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Thread: Any thoughts?

  1. #1
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    Any thoughts?

    Hello all,
    I come to you in order to gather opinions about my mental state. Thanks in advance for any of you that contribute. I apologise if I go on or offend. This is all very awkward for me, as I'm somewhat known for discarding emotion and refusing to discuss it, save for some kind of wittism.

    Anyway, to the issue, I'm depressed most of the time, however, any kind of deviation from the background-level depression is fairly quickly channeled into fury, where upon walls gain new holes, furniture gets upturned or, in a few extreme cases, I simply black-out. Notice I didn't say I fainted during these black-outs. Good reason for that phrasology, but as your moderator warns against graphic/upsetting stories, I'll leave your imaginations to fill the blanks.

    I'm asshamed to say that I deal with these fluctuations by either alcohol or driving dangerously by way of release.

    I'm afraid that, if I'm honest, I'd have to call myself a misogynist. Indeed, I cannot bear to look at a woman if I'm feeling down. Well, more so than usual. Indeed, I've only ever shed one tear and it was after I was dragged to a strip club by well-meaning friends. A note on that, while I only recall a single tear through-out my life, my memory is rather unreliable: I've only about three memories before age twelve and I often have to ask others to inform me about my own life, as recently as a few hours ago in cases.

    Vocationally speaking, I'm afraid I'm a bit of a lost cause: about six months into basically anything, I feel too smothered and have to get out. The last time I managed to hold a job that long, I started driving to work and kept going, not stopping until three days and circa 3500 kilometres later.

    Again, I do appologise for what must read as a long whine. Thanks for sticking with me as long as you have.

    Kuroshashu.

  2. #2
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    Re: Any thoughts?

    Kuroshashu

    First of all I would like to welcome you to Psychlinks
    I am glad to have you here and to see you posting.

    I read your post above and it was not a long whine, in fact I found it quite open and honest and I truly appreciate that. I know that you came here to gather opinions about your mental state and although I am not a professional by any means, I can only speak from my experience. You state that you are depressed most of the time but then describe what I would think of as anger and more specifically rage. Also the fact that memories or lack thereof and that people have to remind you of your own life even up to a few hours ago seems to be another major issue. These two things seem to me to be the most predominant things from your post.

    Have you or are you in therapy? Have you consulted your doctor about this? If not, I would definitely think that it is time to do so.

    You are not a lost cause as you said, nobody is. Everyone is helpable but I think only if they want to be helped. As it seems like you do, I truly hope that you can and do find the help that is out there for you.

    Take care
    Nancy

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    Re: Any thoughts?

    Thank you Nancy.
    No, I've not seen a doctor nor a psychologist. Due to various mis-adventures and my tendancy not to hold jobs terribly long, the cash to do so isn't.

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    Re: Any thoughts?

    I understand that the need for cash can and sometimes does create a problem when looking for help but many cities have mental health clinics that are available for free but this of course depends on where you live. Have you thought of checking your local phone book for clinics like this in your area? It might be worth a look. Also if you tell me what country you live in (not that you have to, no pressure at all) I might be able to find the national phone number or website for further resources.

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    Re: Any thoughts?

    I live in Australia. More specifically, Melbourne.

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    Re: Any thoughts?

    I have done some searching around and here is what I came up with.

    If you take a look at this post http://forum.psychlinks.ca/showthread.php?t=4661 the 5th post down lists some good university references which as far as I understand most provide psychological services cheaper and they are not necessarily just for students.

    Also this is the Mental Health Council of Australia website which I am sure has some great resources and contact information. The website is http://www.mhca.org.au/. Another one is this website run by the government http://www.health.gov.au/internet/wc...nd+Wellbeing-1

    If I find anymore, I will post them for you. I hope some of these links are helpful.
    Take care

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    Re: Any thoughts?

    Thanks. I'll look into these.

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    Re: Any thoughts?

    Hi Kuroshashu

    What a cool name!

    Welcome to the forum, like Nancy said - it didn't seem to be a whine to me at all (not if you've seen some of my pointless rants ) and I hope you get the help, care and advice that you are seeking.

    I just wanted to point out, that if you are depressed most of the time, then the fury/rage could be a way of coping when the depression gets to be too much for you.

    Referring to the lack of ability to hold down a job, may I ask roughly how old you are? Do you feel that the jobs that you have had in the past were jobs that you were interested in at all? I mean, if you got a job that you really liked, do you feel that you would still have the urge to leave after a while?

    I would also recommend trying to see someone to talk to. I would approach your doctor and see if he/she can help you with directions of therapists/councellers. I know that in Australia they have free youth councellers for people under 18, and so I am wondering if there may be some other options for you if you are over that age too.

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    Re: Any thoughts?

    Thank you for your kind words.
    Yeah, the thought has previously occured, although it's a long way from being a convienient or suitable coping mechanism.
    I am 21. I've had jobs I've quite enjoyed, particularly if you count university student as an occupation. I loved university until near the six-month point, whereupon I tried to take a deferrment and ended up being kicked out due to a clerical error. The other job I enjoyed was refridgerated warehouse work; that was the one from which I ran 3500 kilometres to Queensland. Good question though, I'm not really sure what the answer is. 'Probably' is my best guess.
    Heh, I don't really have a doctor, having been raised to believe that nothing short of decapitation is worthy of a doctor's attention, but I plan on seeing some kind of professional once the fiscal situation allows.
    Oh, by the way, a bit of an update since this thread was opened. I've just lost my job and actually managed runny eyes after some effort. Not crying, but it's a step in the right direction. For those who also have that problem (is it a problem? Should I be trying to cry?), the song responsible is 'Mad World' by Gary Jules.
    Cheers all.
    Kuroshashu.

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    Re: Any thoughts?

    just wanted to add a hi and welcome to the boards. Sorry to hear of your loss of you job, I'm sure this situation must be very frustrating for you. I'm thinking crying is good as its a way to release some pent up emontions, so I think your being able to cry is a good thing.
    Hope things improve for you soon and that your able to find someone who can work with you and help you sort these things out.
    In friendship
    Rosa

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