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Thread: Scared

  1. #1
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    Scared

    I really was abused.

    My father really caused me harm.

    I'm scared.

    Like its 'hitting' me for the first time. That I'm now accepting it.

    And I'm scared.

    I'm alone. My flatmates are in India. I'm not at work today, am on leave.

    Everything feels so empty and I feel like I can't reach anyone, I feel voiceless and trapped.

    Physically I feel really restless.

    Noone to talk to.

    Scared.

    Want to hide and run towards people all at the same time.

    Haven't been out today, not safe.

  2. #2
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    Re: scared

    you may feel like you are alone and you have no one to talk to, but you can write here, and alleviate the loneliness. you do have a voice here with us.

    you mention feel restless physically, what do you mean by that? do you feel like you need to be moving all the time? would a bunch of jumping jacks help alleviate that feeling? i was going to suggest going out for a brisk walk or a jog but you mentioned it's not safe for you to go out.
    ~ our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising each time we fall - confucius
    ~ it is the journey, not the destination, that matters
    ~ keep hanging on, the sun will come shining through for you again

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    Re: Scared

    thank you lb.

    I had a bath, then dinner.

    I feel a bit more in my body, but my feelings are someplace else just for the moment. I've gone a bit numb. Protection.

    I know I ought to move, run around the flat, dance, move my body, but I feel so frozen, like paralysed, scared of what might happen if the feelings move.

    I feel tears there in the background, like of grief and anger, but they are unshed, because they are frozen, too.

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    Re: Scared

    it is nice to know that you can come here when you feel alone isn't it? I am sorry for how you feel, I do not know if this helps, but I have been there and have felt similiar and felt silly for the way I thought it too!

    I am thinking of you.

    Heather...

    P.S. Feel free to message me if you want to vent as I can at least understand a bit!!!

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    Re: Scared

    BH: I am really sorry you are feeling so scared. Reaching out to you through the miles with a hug.

    I am glad that you are here to talk to and to listen to.

  6. #6
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    Re: Scared

    i am sorry you feel so frozen right now. it's probably a protective reaction. when is your next appointment with your therapist, braveheart?
    ~ our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising each time we fall - confucius
    ~ it is the journey, not the destination, that matters
    ~ keep hanging on, the sun will come shining through for you again

  7. #7
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    Re: Scared

    Thank you...Heather for knowing what its like and so understanding and helping me feel less estranged and alienated and isolated...

    tg, for reaching out across the miles...

    lb...for responding again... yes, it is protection..I've never felt it so acutely. Its part of the recovery and learning to feel process. I did some very deep work in Friday's therapy session, and unfreezing...

    I see my therapist again tomorrow morning. Thankfully.

    I did do a picture last night, which helped. I'll paint it later. I also had a dream that felt really significant last night, so I need to write that out and work with it some...

    And..my internet connection has kept freezing and cutting out, since yesterday evening.... just to compound things or something....

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    Re: Scared

    learning to feel again, it's strange isn't it? in a way depression is so painful and difficult, and it feels like you are feeling too much. at the same time though, it's numbing and you don't feel much of anything. i found i was learning to feel again as i was coming out of the depression. it's a strange contradiction.

    i am glad you have some things you can do today, the painting and writing out the dream. i am sure it will be helpful. and you only have one day to go before therapy again.
    ~ our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising each time we fall - confucius
    ~ it is the journey, not the destination, that matters
    ~ keep hanging on, the sun will come shining through for you again

  9. #9
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    Re: Scared

    Thank you...

    I'm nodding my head to all you say about feelings.

    I dissociated feelings rather than actual memories, connected with my traumas.
    People used to say I was emotional. But I didn't really feel. It wasn't safe to feel...

  10. #10
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    Re: Scared

    I'm sorry you are feeling so scared and alone. I just want you to know you're not

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