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  1. #1
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    Grieving a lost relationship

    This is probably going to sound silly and I wasn't sure where to put this post, perhaps it would be better in the "Relationships" forum, but I'll put it here.

    We had some really good friends in college, a married couple. We spent almost every weekend either at their home or the home of another good friend or our home. Well, over a year ago we found out they got divorced a few years ago. I had been sending Christmas cards with no response for awhile. I was shocked and so saddened. And then my little nephew passed away and I put this other thing out of my mind, but lately I've been thinking about them a lot. Wondering what happened, was it my fault somehow (knowing that is an irrational thought), wondering if I had known they were in trouble was there something I could have done. And on and on.

    But I feel so sad about this, sad for them, sad for me too. I don't know why I feel sad for me, but I do. We had a lot of fun times with them and it just seems like that is lost now.

    I don't even know why I'm writing this except it has been on my mind and I was wondering if it was weird to grieve the loss of a relationship or grieve when a couple gets divorced. Maybe grief isn't the right word? I'm not sure.


  2. #2
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    Re: Grieving a lost relationship

    Janet:

    I think that grief is exactly the right word. Having been divorced and having had friends divorce, it is about loss - and losing them as a couple does sometimes result in grieving that loss. As far as whether you could have done anything, in my experience I don't think so. The old saying "what goes on behind closed doors" is just that - sometimes we just don't know what goes wrong. And this coupled with the loss of your nephew seems to me to be normal in experiencing grief associated with the double loss.

    Grief is interesting too - it's not just something that happens and then it's over; it as a process comes back to us in little bits, some more painful than others - and to me this process is what allows us to come to terms with the loss over time.

    As always,

    Take care,

    TG

  3. #3
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    Re: Grieving a lost relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by texasgirl View Post
    Janet:

    Grief is interesting too - it's not just something that happens and then it's over; it as a process comes back to us in little bits, some more painful than others - and to me this process is what allows us to come to terms with the loss over time.

    As always,

    Take care,
    Wow, that is so true. Thank you for writing that. I felt kind of silly for being so sad over this, but it is a loss and it is just now hitting me I think.

  4. #4
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    Re: Grieving a lost relationship

    I really think the human body is amazing - even something like grief is set up so that we deal with it as we can - over as much time as we need. I learned first when my husband died - and each subsequent loss that I have grieved over calls to mind that I made it through that loss, so I try to let the process take its course, relying on my own body and mind to process it as I am able. It's not to say that it is less painful, but excrutiating loss once lived through provides a basis for dealing with other losses somehow (if that makes any sense!)

    TG

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    Re: Grieving a lost relationship

    It's definitely not weird to grieve over the loss of this couple that was such an important part of your life, Janet. I think it's perfectly normal. When we're friends with a married couple and that couple gets a divorce, we grieve because we care, and because we feel we've lost something special in our lives, as well.

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