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  1. #1
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    Extremely Sad And No Clue Why

    I want to run tonight as far away as I can run...I've thought about calling the suicide hotline but what do I say...I am crying and can't stop and I have no clue why...Doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me to do that...I tried to journal what was making me so sad and I couldn't come up with any reasons...I know I keep thinking about the fact it's been 2 months since I've heard from my brother that lives here in town...I called him New Years and he blew me off but he's been doing that since he got married in June 06...

    He has come in and out of my life for years so this is nothing knew...I want to leave K, Devin and even Tanner...Tanner came into my life last year when I really needed him...I was sleeping an hour a night and him and I would play quietly on the bed (to keep a sheltie quiet is interesting)...I centered my life around him and he was the only thing that kept me going...

    Tonight, I don't even want him near me...Sure, I could email my T and say I'm sinking and fast but it's not her job to save me...It's not anybodys but mine...And at this moment, I don't want to be the one to save me...I keep asking myself, why...why keep fighting...This rollercoaster ride I go on is never ending...

    I have a few hours some days that I smile but I have no clue what it feels like to laugh...I have no clue what it's like to feel at peace or feel freedom...
    My T keeps telling me that I need to move forward towards happiness and I feel like Monday I need to put the happy face on when I'm in session...

    I gave my T my word that I would be ok as far as hurting myself and I won't go back on my word...

    I will do my session Monday and happy face myself through because if I don't my T is going to feel like she is working her butt off for nothing....RIMH

  2. #2
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    Re: Extremely Sad And No Clue Why...May Trigger

    rimh - call the hotline. just tell them what you told us here, that you're so sad and you just don't know why. just to have someone listening to you and talking to you with a real voice will make a difference.

    don't go in with a happy face on monday if you're not feeling happy. you need to let your therapist know what is going on or else she cannot help you. she's not expecting miracles overnight. she's not going to feel like she's working for nothing. this is her job and she knows what to expect. try to trust her.

    hope this helps. call the hotline. it may help you feel better.
    ~ our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising each time we fall - confucius
    ~ it is the journey, not the destination, that matters
    ~ keep hanging on, the sun will come shining through for you again

  3. #3
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    Post Re: Extremely Sad And No Clue Why...May Trigger

    RIMH,

    Ladybug is right, call your local crisis line and tell them your story. The people working on crisis lines are people who are interested in helping people and are willing to listen.

    Is there a trusted family member or friend you could call to come stay with you until you see your therapist?

    My T keeps telling me that I need to move forward towards happiness and I feel like Monday I need to put the happy face on when I'm in session...
    I don't believe we as patients have to perform for what we perceive as the expectations of physicians or therapists.

    These are professionals who understand the workings and dynamics of our illnesses. Psychiatric illnesses do not seem to respond in a linear fashion, so there may be periodic setbacks. Your therapist should understand this and will provide you with the support and the strategies to move forward in your next session.

    Don't be discouraged by setbacks, because with time there will be fewer setbacks and more improvement.

    During this time you need a good support system, which is why I was wondering if you have a good friend or trusted family member you can call.

    Please keep us posted on your development and if no one is available to you nearby, use us on the Psychlinks as your sounding board.

  4. #4
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    Re: Extremely Sad And No Clue Why...May Trigger

    RIMH,

    I only have one thing to say and that is to please do not go into your session on Monday with the "happy face" on because you think that is what she wants to see. I have done that for years and it has gotten me nowhere. Your sessions are about you and how you are feeling and coping and if you give her the wrong impression, then you are not helping yourself or her. She is probably not expecting to see a happy face on you on Monday but that is where you need to be honest with her and tell her of your struggles. I am sure that she will not think that she is working her butt off for nothing even if you aren't smiling because in my experience, a lot of times therapists see our progress much quicker and more pronounced than we do.

    Anyway, I truly hope that you can be open and honest with her on Monday, as hard as it will be.

    Take care

  5. #5
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    Re: Extremely Sad And No Clue Why...May Trigger

    I think feeling sad and not knowing why is normal with depression. But you do have a lot of hard stuff you're dealing with and it could be that you're just overwhelmed.

    I agree with Halo, don't go in with a happy face. Make the most of your time with your therapist. Take this post with you if you need to. She can't know how bad you're feeling if you don't tell her.

    I also agree about the hotlines. I think one of them is 1-800-273-TALK. It's not just for suicide. It's for other things as well. Sometimes we need to hear a voice and connect, as hard as it is, it's a healthy thing.
    Last edited by Halo; March 4th, 2008 at 02:50 PM.

  6. #6
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    Re: Extremely Sad And No Clue Why...May Trigger

    I know everyone is right about the happy face stuff with my therapist and I decided to just be tomorrow...Sometimes I have things in my head that I want to talk about, than I find when I get in there other stuff seems more important...so I have decided to just go as is and take it from there...

    TSOW...I live with a friend but the relationship isn't the best so she's not one I can talk too and other than this board and my T, I have no-one else...

    I was going to call the hotline but to get privacy from K is almost impossible so I went to bed...I had forgotten about the talk number, Thanks Janet!...
    I will keep it and if I can get rid of K long enough today, I will call...I ran this
    a.m. and cried through the whole run...

    Wish me luck for tomorrow a.m. I've gotta go see my p-doc and this woman LOVES to push my buttons...Last time I came so close to walking out, and if she irritates me tomorrow like she normally does, I'm asking to see another p-doc if I can...I see my T in the afternoon tomorrow and if my dip stick p-doc sets me off, it will probably be an interesting session....RIMH

  7. #7
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    Re: Extremely Sad And No Clue Why...May Trigger

    me too

  8. #8
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    Re: Extremely Sad And No Clue Why...May Trigger

    Phoenix...I'm sorry your going through this too...it sucks...RIMH

  9. #9
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    Re: Extremely Sad And No Clue Why...May Trigger

    Just wanted to say good luck for tomorrow

  10. #10
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    Re: Extremely Sad And No Clue Why...May Trigger

    to you both, phoenix and rimh
    ~ our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising each time we fall - confucius
    ~ it is the journey, not the destination, that matters
    ~ keep hanging on, the sun will come shining through for you again

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