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Thread: What should I do?

  1. #1

    What should I do?

    Greetings,

    I am 35 yo male who is normally (well used to be) outgoing happy and generally patient and caring..

    I have all my life suffered bouts of depression that always went away in a few day's, I dealt with it.

    Lately, the past couple of months that is, i have been increasingly irritable, I hardly sleep, and when I do it isn't very restful.. my patience with my children (not always high anyhow) has gone to near nil, and I cant even enjoy the hobbies I used to love..

    I have in addition begun to be prone to violent outbursts, and while I have only displayed this twice in front of my children, and I have never hurt anyone, I am sincerely scared for my well being and the safety of my family.

    I do not understand what is happening to me.. I am severely underemployed, working only 2 days a week, and my oldest child is emotionally challenged. Theres a lot of other stressors involved, so I know I am probably suffering a severe case of stress mismanagement, however I feel i have come to an empass and must seek out some solution to this before i become a real threat to my family.. In the past, my bouts of more severe depression were before I had a wife and kids, so i just rode it out. Now I am beggining to see I may not have that option.

    I could ramble on for a long time, but I think you get the point.. My plan is to call the help-lines in the next day or so, but I thought I would post here first.. just to see if there are still some tools available to me that might help without having to go to a DR or counselor..

    I am prepared to do that, so tell me like it is..

    Thanks,
    a scared, but loving Father
    If you never give up you will never lose the battle!!

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  3. What should I do?

    Welcome to this forum, Adui. It takes a lot of fortitude to actually write your thoughts down in a forum of this nature, doesn't it? That's how I found this place.

    I read your post, and it sounds like the reason why your depression is so overwhelming at this particular time is that you have far more than just yourself to worry about now. You say you "don't understand what is happening to you" and then go on to describe exactly what IS happening to you. There are so many negative situations going on in your life all at once, and I think most people would be severely depressed in your present situation. You also see how this is affecting your relationship with the other members of your family, which is very perceptive of you. You have a very good handle on what is wrong with you and the reasons you are depressed.

    It is so hard to face every day when you have problems that you see no way out of. I have been there many times myself. I've been thinking for about half an hour now of some positive suggestions I could make and I sort of came up empty. But I wanted you to know that I have read this and I am thinking of your situation and by tomorrow I will see if I can think of something helpful to offer in the way of good advice. I also suspect the doctor will be along shortly to read your plight and offer some concrete, helpful opinions and have some positive suggestions for you.

    Hang in there.....we're here for you! :)

  4. #3

    What should I do?

    Adui:

    I was just on my way out the door when jubjub brought your post to my attention.

    The history you describe suggests to me someone who has been vulnerable to depression foor some time and perhaps suffering from what is known as dysthymia -- basically a low level depression which you can at times overcome in various ways, like perhaps keeping busy or putting other people's interests and needs before your own.

    What you are describing in terms of your recent symptoms and experiences sounds very much like a major depressive episode -- including the irritability and anger.

    I will check back here in a few hours when I return but my very strong advice to you is do not wait to make that appointment with your family doctor. S/he may feel comfortable prescribing some medication for you even before you arrange an appointment with a therapist, if not antidepressants then perhaps at least something to help you sleep. And if antidepressants are prescribed, the sooner you start them the better, since they can take up to a few weeks to have noticeable benefits (it may be sooner too - it is quite individualistic).

    See if you can call tonight -- there is nothing to be gained by putting it off making that appointment and I can promise you that there is much to be gained by making it. You do not have to continue to feel the way you are feeling tonight.

  5. #4

    What should I do?

    Hello again,

    I have to say I am not surprised that you told me to call the doc right away, I have been avoiding that option like the plague ever since my first explosion over a week ago prompted me to talk to some friends so to speak on a message forum I frequent. They almost all told me the same thing, but none of them are medical professionals, (Well one is kind of, her husband is a therapist and he read my post and responded in her name.)..

    Well, I haven't called the doctor yet.. I will but I have to figure out how, since I have no insurance and therefore I cant go to the family DR clinic we normally use, (Owe them too much from my kids.. )

    I have recently become aware of a clinic nearby that is specifically for low income families like mine, so I will probably call them tomorrow when they are again open and see what they can do for me and my situation. As I said in my previous post I have the # for my county health department to, if this clinic cant get me going the right way i will be calling that number.
    If you never give up you will never lose the battle!!

  6. #5

    What should I do?

    Are you in the US, Adui? If so, this won't help you with seeing a doctor for medications, but another alternative for later finding a therapist might be to look for a university with a Masters or Ph.D. psychology program -- they often have psychotherapy clinics at little or no cost that are open to the public. The therapists are upper year graduate students (kind of like medical residents) who as part of their training need to work with psychotherapy clients under the supervision of their professors. You might look into this in your area.

    I know that right now cost is one more stressor in your life but honestly this is something you can't NOT afford -- not only for youself but for your family.

  7. #6

    What should I do?

    By the way, that "quote" in your signature line is an important one to remember right now:

    If you never give up you will never lose the battle!!

  8. #7

    What should I do?

    DR Baxter,

    I know that quote is important, I coined it many years ago during one of my more severe bouts of depression while in the navy, that and my buddies were what kept me going..

    As for the Idea.. Yup I am in the states, and I will find the resources, I know I need to so i will..
    If you never give up you will never lose the battle!!

  9. #8

    What should I do?

    oh, By the way, THANK YOU for this site and your advice, if nothing else this is an avenue for me to vent my feelings and that in itself helps.. (I hope)
    If you never give up you will never lose the battle!!

  10. #9

    Adui ... NAVY!???

    I may be off the mark here but here but ad these ideas and impressions when I read your post:

    Your life does show a lot of major stressors and the financial/work moneystress must be hell. Thats a lot on your plate all round. Running out of coping steam seems inevitable with chronic issues like that BUT ....

    The word NAVY jumped out at me ... are you not entitled to help through the Veterans affiars? I know its a "process" to apply and recieve but my understanding is that if your health issues can be directly linked to your service somehow, you should be entitled to medical benefits and coverage etc.

    Your moods and depressions and reactions sound much like what many other miltary and vet types describe...and they've been diagnosed, or will be, with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder ... or operational stress injuries)

    Are you interested in talking to your "military peers" ?They might be able to help you with information and resources to turn to. I know of a couple of good Miltary sites with great PTSD info and support.

    Just let me know if you want the links okay :)
    Meanwhile perservere and know that there is help out there and pay attention and try to notice when you're beginning to get agitated and contact someone, even online to unload, just for a little valve release. It works when you talk with people who "get it" and sometimes just unloading with understanding peers help to regain perspective and self control.

    Instead of exploding, pick up a phone or get online and "talk"... leave and go somewhere else if you can/must to break the escalation. Please don't sit and let it build :) Drive On.

    By the way... I'm blown away by the wonderful tight bonds with people in the military... and the understanding, help and support they give their peers when going through tough times.

    Miltarty life is unique. I'm only learning, as a civi.
    Hugs from Kanadiana ...

  11. #10

    What should I do?

    PS: anything you can do immediately to relieve your stress
    is good ... try to get something to help you to SLEEP =vital importance.
    Coffee and cigarettes (if you partake) increase anxiety feelings
    cut down your intake or stop gradually if you can.
    SUGAR/sweetstuff ... stimulates your nervous system too.

    I know the more I smoke, the more I agitate ... I get tense and
    have "anxious agitation inmywhole system" ...

    This stuff can all add up to an over stressed system and
    calming down the body can do much to calm down the mind,
    and visa versa.

    I hope that something I've said ends up being a little
    helpful to you Adui. I think I understand that its love that
    maks you take action ... not courage. You love and want to
    protect your kids ... and you are, and will continue to do so.
    I recognize this. I relinquished my first daughter at age 2
    to keep her well and safe... thank god you don't have to do
    anything so drastic hey :)

    :salute:
    Hugs from Kanadiana ...

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