Advertisement
Thanks Thanks:  0
Likes Likes:  0
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 15
  1. #1

    I want to kill myself

    I'm 18 years old have anorexia, depression,PTSD and anxiety/panick attacks. I've seen a psychologist for about a year now but apart from admitting i was raped i truely believe nothing more has come from it i still hate myself, my life and everything about me.

    I gave myself a month to live if things didn't improve im killing myself i have under two weeks left my parents psychologist and case manager know but nothing is being done. i don't know what has to happen to make things better i know i ewant to be thin belong/fit in something ive never done.

    i want to forget about being raped falling pregnant to him and miscarriaging, which i blame myself for even though i did nothing wrong. i want help but don't know what to do or say. there is only so many times i can say i hate myself, my life im worthless ugly dump. i cut myself for punishment and it's getting worse my psychologist and everyone know but nothing happends to help me.

    i don't know what to do i m stressed and so very depressed and suicidal. i don't want to go into hospital i know it wont help.

    what can i do... two weeks are left i know what ill do to kill myself it's all planned.
    please help me before its too late.

  2. #2

    I want to kill myself

    Is there no close friend you can really talk to?

    I know how you feel, wanting to belong, not feeling you fit in, and I do know how it feels to want to be thinner, it is so painful :(

    Please talk to us... I know you may be sick of talking, especially if you feel it doesn't help.

    But you may be surprised... so many people DO care about others... there is help, I have found it myself.
    I, too, was raped, at 17, almost 18. I blamed myself, as I was so drunk that I accepted a lift home from a stranger.
    You are NOT alone...
    please get to know us... then we can get to know you,
    love Marion

  3. #3

    I want to kill myself

    Jaine, I too have been in the same boat. I was raped by someone that I trusted with my life and it really screwed me up for a long time. It does get better and, although you will never forget, the pain lessens.

    Are you currently on any medication?

  4. #4

    I want to kill myself

    First, if the therapist you are seeing isn't helping, wouldn't it make more sense to find another one instead of killing yourself?

    Similarly, if you are taking medication now and it isn't helping, there are numerous choices -- let your doctoir know that the present medication isn't helping and try something else.

    Most importantly, Jaine, what is so special about that deadline? How does this help your anxiety or anything else, to put that much extra pressure on yourself? If you can make it through two more weeks, why not three? or four? or five? Why do you need that sort of deadline at all?

    I know that you are tired of feeling the way you do and tird of waiting to feel better but honestly -- suicide is not the answer. And especially suicide with a deadline. Even if you truly believe that killing yourself is the only answer for you, what's the rush? If you can do it in two weeks, the option will still be there in four weeks, or four months, or four years.

    There is help for you and hope for you -- sometimes, it takes a while to find it...

  5. #5

    I want to kill myself

    A deadline can contribute to a false feeling that things don't change. However, as others say, time can heal.

    Personally, the best thing for keeping my suicide thoughts at bay years ago was a strong fear of a botched attempt. Ironically, that helped a lot in calming me down. Also, postponing suicide indefinitely gave me the same feeling of control as a suicide deadline.
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  6. #6

    I want to kill myself

    I believe it was Nietzsche who said that once you have accepted suicide as an option you should never have to use it.

    But Daniel is right on both counts: (1) postponing it doesn't remove the option and may open up others for you to see; and (2) there is something worse than a successful suicide and that is a botched one, which leaves you crippled or brain-damaged or both. Believe me: I have worked with people after an unsucessful attempt. And one thing I will say: I have never met anyone who failed in the attempt and wished s/he had succeeded, at least not after the first couple of days. That should tell you something...

  7. #7

    I want to kill myself

    In the United States, 19,000 people are permanently disabled each year because of a botched attempt:

    There are more than 80 deaths from suicide every day, while an estimated 300,000-600,000 people a year survive suicide attempts. 116,000 are hospitalized; seventeen percent, some 19,000, of these people are permanently disabled each year. (Geo Stone, Suicide & Attempted Suicide)
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  8. #8

    I want to kill myself

    Thank you all for your kind words and helpful advice i guess some people do care about me even if we've never met. About the rape im sorry others have had to go through it, it's wrong and shouldn't happen no matter whether you're taking a walk with a friend like i was or drunk at a party it's still wrong. I was seeing someone from CASA (center against sexual assualt) but i stopped because of the travelling and pressure on mum etc. We Lindy the person i was seeing and i did do EMDR which has helped a little the nightmares have pretty muched stopped the occasional flashback happends it's just i guess knowing it happend, blaming myself even though it wasn't my fault. Lindy also believes the violence at home all through my childhood, witnessing my dad and mum fight physically then my sister doing it to me has also contributed to PTSD. I guess even though im trying hard i can't let go of my past which i really want to do. My psychologist is really nice and i like her but i never know what to say, and she asks me what needs to change and i tell her and then it's like ok we move onto something else. My parents want to come to see her with me next session to put plans in place which i guess is good.

    I guess I gave myself the deadline because i had a little hope that things may get better even a little but nothing much has changed. I'm binging but not purging coz im stressed over school exams which is in 3 weeks and things at home aren't good. I know suicide really isn't the solution but it seems the only one availible for me. Theres no one else apart from you guys who i can talk to. I hardly know what to say to my psychologist and even then i feel like im waisting her time and my parents hard earned money. I hope im making some sence. I went out last night and drank a bottle of vodka cruiser and it got me tipsy first drink ever im on effexor XR 225mg i asked my case manager to go up but she wouldn't. I feel so ill lately i just say to mum it's stress but i dunno is it?

    David Baxter... im a cutter and i tried to cut my wrist so many times but lately no matter how hard i push it wont cut deep enough, is that a sign that im not ment to do it? or am i just weak?

  9. #9

    I want to kill myself

    If you stay with the same psychologist, you may want to get a different perspective by simply reading a new self-help book that will start new discussions with your psychologist:
    Listmania: Help for self-injurer's: Fiction and Non-Fiction
    Listmania: Self-harm and Eating Disorders And other Psych. disorders

    The most recommened book at Amazon.com for self-injurers seems to be The Scarred Soul: Understanding & Ending Self-Inflicted Violence. The book can help one recognize patterns of behavior, etc. One person said: "I gave a copy of this book to my therapist to use with other clients and she too has found it to be invaluable."

    Also, the brain naturally experiences more changes and stress during the teenage years, so things should be easier as time goes on. My self-destructive impulses rapidly decreased in my early twenties, and they decreased to almost nothing after my mid-twenties.
    "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  10. #10

    Re: I want to kill myself

    Quote Originally Posted by Jaine
    Thank you all for your kind words and helpful advice i guess some people do care about me even if we've never met.
    That's true. And there are probably a lot more people who care about you than you know.

    We Lindy the person i was seeing and i did do EMDR which has helped a little the nightmares have pretty muched stopped the occasional flashback happends it's just i guess knowing it happend, blaming myself even though it wasn't my fault. Lindy also believes the violence at home all through my childhood, witnessing my dad and mum fight physically then my sister doing it to me has also contributed to PTSD. I guess even though im trying hard i can't let go of my past which i really want to do. My psychologist is really nice and i like her but i never know what to say, and she asks me what needs to change and i tell her and then it's like ok we move onto something else.
    Therapy (recovery) takes time. And you need to be ready to move on to the next step. The quick fix doesn't last -- if you want real healing, you need to be patient, you need to have faith in your therapist, and you need to be ready before you take each new step.

    I guess I gave myself the deadline because i had a little hope that things may get better even a little but nothing much has changed.
    Time. Patience. "Baby steps".

    I know suicide really isn't the solution but it seems the only one availible for me. Theres no one else apart from you guys who i can talk to. I hardly know what to say to my psychologist and even then i feel like im wasting her time and my parents hard earned money.
    You aren't wasting anything. Remember: baby steps. patience.

    David Baxter... im a cutter and i tried to cut my wrist so many times but lately no matter how hard i push it wont cut deep enough, is that a sign that im not ment to do it? or am i just weak?
    You're not weak. I would take that as a sign that you don't really want to die. Cutting is rarely about wanting to die anyway -- it's about getting rid of feelings, expressing anger and rage and pain, when you don't have any other effective way of expressing those things. That's one of the things your therapist can help you learn.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •