Originally Posted by amnj
My husband has a 24 yo son with whom he's had nothing to do with since the child was 3.he treats my children much differently than he does his daughter. He has the mentality that boys don't have feelings and don't need love and affection like girls do and the result is that my sons are constantly "on the outside looking in". His mother also plays favorites which is very hard for me to understand and accept.amnj, read the parts I have quoted above, not from the perspective of someone who is living with this man and in these circumstances but from the perspective of what you would think and want to say if it were your daughter or one of your sone in these circumstances. He is abusive. He is not only abusing you -- he is also abusing your sons. As your sons are watching this relationship, this is part of what they are learning about relationships and about women and about parenting -- obviously, these are not healthy messages for them and not the ones you want to give them.The fact that I have issues with the treatment of my children makes him very angry. He's resorted to calling me derogatory and sometimes downright offensive names, spitting in my face, and throwing me around and trying to choke me (this he's done twice now). The last time he told me that he was going to kill me as well. I don't feel I can ever tell him how anything makes me feel without worrying about being verbally or physically attacked.
A good man? Who spits at, throws down, chokes, and threatens to kill his wife? And then blames her for his unacceptable behavior?He also tells me he's leaving every time which is getting old. At times I wish that he would just do it. He's told me, in no uncertain terms, that he is a good man and the problems we have are my fault, and the way he reacts is also my fault and that I need help.
No. He is not a good man. He is an abusive man. Indeed, he fits the classic profile for a male domestic violence perpetrator. HE is the one who needs help. You need rescuing from a completely intolerable situation.
Of course not. But if you do not either find a way to ensure that he gets help for his problem -- and changes as a result of getting bthat help -- or take your sons away from him and leave him, you are not protecting them -- you are allowing him to damage them even further.I don't know maybe I do but am I wrong to try to protect my childrens feeling?
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