I am in my second marriage. I have three children from my first and my husband has two children from two different marriages before me. Forgive me if I get long winded, there is a lot to say. My 16 yo daughter decided to live with her father after my new husband moved in and my 10 and 11 yo sons live with me. My husband has a 24 yo son with whom he's had nothing to do with since the child was 3. He also has a 9 1/2 yo daughter who he has custody of. We have been together for 5 1/2 years and have been married since May of 2001. The main problem in the relationship is that he treats my children much differently than he does his daughter. He has the mentality that boys don't have feelings and don't need love and affection like girls do and the result is that my sons are constantly "on the outside looking in". His mother also plays favorites which is very hard for me to understand and accept. I have tried several times to discuss with him how he and his mother make my children and me feel but instead of discussing it we end up fighting. The fact that I have issues with the treatment of my children makes him very angry. He's resorted to calling me derogatory and sometimes downright offensive names, spitting in my face, and throwing me around and trying to choke me (this he's done twice now). The last time he told me that he was going to kill me as well. I don't feel I can ever tell him how anything makes me feel without worrying about being verbally or physically attacked. He also tells me he's leaving every time which is getting old. At times I wish that he would just do it. He's told me, in no uncertain terms, that he is a good man and the problems we have are my fault, and the way he reacts is also my fault and that I need help. I don't know maybe I do but am I wrong to try to protect my childrens feeling? I don't want them growing up thinking that they aren't good enough because they are boys or because they aren't biologically part of his family. My family has treated his child like she has always been a part of the family since day one and he has admitted that it would anger him if they had not so I don't understand where I am wrong. Please help!