Thanks Thanks:  0
Likes Likes:  0
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 20 of 20
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Posts
    21
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Bad Moods & Taking it out on others

    Should I post my responses here or should I be filling this out privately?

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Ottawa, Canada
    Posts
    35,763
    Mentioned
    22 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Bad Moods & Taking it out on others

    Quote Originally Posted by Qgirl
    I think the two triggers here were being embarassed because I felt foolish? When I am alone and make mistakes, I am ok about them. I guess I don't like being made fun of, or having my mistakes pointed out to me, it hurts my feelings. I know I shouldn't have taken it so personally, but at the moment all I could feel was a flush in my cheeks and feeling heated.
    Try the exercises above -- where do these feelings come from? When you are reacting to other people pointing out your mistakes, what does that remind you of? In what other circumstances has this happened to you?

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Ottawa, Canada
    Posts
    35,763
    Mentioned
    22 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Bad Moods & Taking it out on others

    Quote Originally Posted by Qgirl
    Should I post my responses here or should I be filling this out privately?
    Privately. This is to help you better understand what it is (and maybe who it is) you are reacting to...

    If you wish, when you're finished, tell us what patterns you noticed coming out of the exercises...

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Posts
    21
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Bad Moods & Taking it out on others

    Thanks for the advice. I'll give this a try.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Posts
    21
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Bad Moods & Taking it out on others

    I filled out the questionnaires. I have already noticed one pattern... and it is something that now I remember was mentioned in my past therapy sessions.

    I get very angry and resentful when I am not being seen. When I am not recognized for my abilities, not seen for who I really am, or when feel I am being judged or criticized unfairly. For instance, being criticized at work for something I was not responsible for. Or conversely, being the person who was instrumental in a project and not being thanked although my coworkers were.

    My mother once yelled at me and accused me of being a slut because I came home 45 minutes after my midnight curfew. A boy had driven me home from a chaperoned party and had gotten lost. Although he gave me a kiss on the cheek goodbye, that is all that had happened. Yet, my mom called me a slut for a month and gave me the silent treatment. I resented her wrongful accusation, and still do.

    I am also accustomed to being regarded as responsible, rational, capable, intelligent, and street-smart. When someone says I am not any of those things, I get upset and angry. I simply cannot handle it when I am not seen for who I think I am.

    I am not quite sure what this has to do with being mad that my shirt was unbuttoned. lol.

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Ottawa, Canada
    Posts
    35,763
    Mentioned
    22 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Bad Moods & Taking it out on others

    Well, one thing that occurs to me is that you are being criticized in all cases, perhaps in a way that doesn't fit with how you see yourself -- but is it how others see you?

    Take some time to think about your responses... maybe add to them... let it sit for a while and see what comes out of it.

    Then try this exercise on Influences on Self-Concept.

    What you're looking for here is what is it that you are reacting to? It's not just the unbuttoned shirt. It may not even be just that friend. It's perhaps several other things that the situation or the feelings remind you of -- or past hurts or rfesentments that weren't resolved and are therefore being triggered by this event, which is what makes your reaction at this moment so extreme.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Posts
    21
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Bad Moods & Taking it out on others

    Thank you so much for the suggestions, they have been very helpful. I have pinpointed a few past hurts and resentments that I can still feel the sting of, several years later. Embarassing moments or instances where I was being insulted or made fun of as a child. I was very shy and never knew what to say to defend myself. Now, as an adult, I am no longer shy and sometimes I get defensive when I don't need to be. It has been an eye opener.

    I talked to my ex and discussed the last instance this happened, the bus stop example that I had mentioned in this thread. We talked it through together and I explained what I was truly feeling inside was embarassment, frustration, shame. I was beating myself up for looking foolish at the time and I automatically assumed he was beating me up too. Of course, he had no idea what was going on in my head and he was angry that I was treating him that way and confused about my behavior.

    It was good to tell him the truth of how I felt, although it was difficult. For some reason, it was hard for me to admit that I was embarassed. But once I said it, and he didn't laugh at me or mock me, I realized it was ok. I apologized for the way I acted, and he told me he was impressed that I have gained this much insight about that situation. It wasn't something to get mad at myself for. It's ok to feel flustered or embarassed and I could have laughed it off, but instead I had just gotten angry. I hope I can learn how to deal with embarassment better from now on.

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Ottawa, Canada
    Posts
    35,763
    Mentioned
    22 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Bad Moods & Taking it out on others

    That's very impressive, Qgirl -- and it must have taken quite a bit of courage for you to do that. But this is the route to understanding yourself better, communicating with others better, and understanding other people better, so you don't have to take life so personally and feel attacked or put down as often have you have in the past.

    Do try to find a copy of that David Burns book, though... there's lots more in there you will find very helpful.

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Posts
    21
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Bad Moods & Taking it out on others

    Quote Originally Posted by David Baxter

    Do try to find a copy of that David Burns book, though... there's lots more in there you will find very helpful.
    I finally have that David Burns book, "The Feeling Good Handbook," in my hands. This book is HUGE! It's like a bible! It scares me just to look at it! I'm diving into it tonight. Coincidentally, I had an argument with my ex tonight basically because I blew up at him for something really stupid. I realized I had overreacted and apologized, but the fact we argued at all still bothers me. (Oh, and the fact that I am still talking to him is probably not a good idea either, but that is a different issue.)

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Ottawa, Canada
    Posts
    35,763
    Mentioned
    22 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Bad Moods & Taking it out on others

    :o) It is huge... and not exactly a barn-burner where you're so excited reading it you force yourself to stay awake all night so you can see how it turns out...

    Best to keep it close by and read it a bit at a time... then give yourself time to ponder the concepts and strategies, try out the "mood log" technique, and then come back and read a bit more.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Disclaimer: PsychLinks is not responsible for the content of posts or comments by forum members.

Additional Forum Web Design by PsychLinks
© All rights reserved.