More threads by David Baxter PhD

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
9 Ways to Stop Obsessing 1
By Therese J. Borchard
January 10, 2009

The French call Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder folie de doute, the doubting disease. That?s what obsessions are?a doubt caught in an endless loop of thoughts. But even those not diagnosed with OCD can struggle with obsessions. In fact, I have yet to meet a depressive who doesn?t ruminate, especially in our age of anxiety. Every day gives sensitive types like myself plenty of material to obsess about. So I?m constantly pulling out the tools that I?ve acquired over time to win against my thoughts, to develop confidence?the antidote for doubt?to take charge of my brain. Maybe they?ll work for you, too.

1. Name the beast
My first step to tackle obsessions: I identify the thought. What is my fear? What is my doubt? I make myself describe it in one sentence, or, if I can, in a few words.

2. Pencil it in
A while back, when I was especially tormented by some obsessions, my therapist told me to schedule a time of day where I was free to ruminate. That way, she said, when you get an obsession, you can simply tell yourself, ?Sorry, it?s not time for that. You?ll have to wait until 8 in the evening, when I give you, My Head, 15 minutes to obsess your heart out.?

3. Laugh at it
Laughter can make almost any situation tolerable. And you have to admit, there is something a little funny about a broken record in your brain. I have a few people in my life who struggle with obsessions in the same way I do. Whenever I can?t stand the noise in my head anymore, I call up one of them and say, ?They?re baaaaaack??.? And we laugh.

4. Throw it away
One behavioral technique that works is to write out the obsession on a piece of paper. Then crinkle it up and throw it away. That way you have literally thrown out your obsession. Or try visualizing a stop sign. When your thoughts go there, remember to stop! Look at the sign!

5. Learn the lesson
I often obsess about my mistakes. I know I messed up, and I?m beating myself over and over again for not doing it right the first time, especially when I have involved other people and hurt them unintentionally. If that?s the case, I will ask myself: What is the lesson here? What have I learned? Then I will describe the lesson that I have absorbed in one sentence or less.

6. Reel it in
Buried within an obsession are usually pieces of truth. But other parts are as accurate as a juicy celebrity tabloid story: ?Celine Dion meets ET for drinks.? That?s why you need some good friends that will help you separate fact from fiction. When I call up my friend Mike and tell him my latest obsession, he usually laughs out loud and says something like this: ?Wow. Reel it in, Therese. Reel it in?You are way out this time.?

7. Imagine the worst
I know this seems wrong?like it would produce even more anxiety. But imagining the worst can actually relieve the fear triggering an obsession. Because you?ve hit bottom. You can?t sink any lower! Isn?t that refreshing?

8. Put it on hold
Sometimes I start to obsess about a situation for which I don?t have enough information. So I put my obsession ?on hold,? like it?s a pretty lavender dress at a boutique that I saw and want but don?t have enough money to buy. So it?s there, waiting for me, when I get enough dough?or enough data.

9. Interrupt the conversation
An obsession is like a conversation over coffee: ?This is why he hates me, and this, too, is why he hates me, and did I mention why he hates me? I?m sure he hates me.? So I can be myself and rudely interrupt. I don?t even have to say, ?Excuse me.? I can ask a question or throw out another topic. And, best of us, no one will tell me, ?Let her finish.?


1 Therese J. Borchard writes the daily Beliefnet.com blog Beyond Blue (voted by Psych Central as one of the Top 10 Depression Blogs) and moderates Group Beyond Blue, the Beliefnet Community online support group for depression. Her memoir, Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes, will be released in May of 2009. Subscribe to Beyond Blue here or visit her at www.ThereseBorchard.com. This article was originally published on Beyond Blue.
 

amastie

Member
Good article. It's true, almost everyone obsesses about something sometimes.

Mostly what struck me was the reference to humour. It's so true. It totally undermines the intensity of the obsessive thought.
 

NicNak

Resident Canuck
Administrator
I agree with Amastie. I have always believed laughter is (one of) the best medicine(s).
 

Jazzey

Account Closed
Member
9. Interrupt the conversation
An obsession is like a conversation over coffee: “This is why he hates me, and this, too, is why he hates me, and did I mention why he hates me? I’m sure he hates me.” So I can be myself and rudely interrupt. I don’t even have to say, “Excuse me.” I can ask a question or throw out another topic. And, best of us, no one will tell me, “Let her finish.”

This was my favorite one. I would never allow someone to speak to a friend the way that I sometimes speak to myself. Insight on others always seems easier.

I like having a sense of humour about it too, I just think it doesn't have the same power for me than treating myself like I would any of my friends.
 
I found that purposley moving things around where i know they shouldn't be at my friends with ocd makes her deal with the fact that nothing has changed.
You cant pander to people with this as it backs up there thoughts.
or am i totaly wrong and making thins worse for her.
she seems not as bad as she use to be.
 

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
I found that purposley moving things around where i know they shouldn't be at my friends with ocd makes her deal with the fact that nothing has changed.

That strikes me as simply cruel. OCD isn't something individuals "do on purpose to annoy you", any more than someone with major depression or diabetes is "doing it on purpose". OCD isn't a choice. Moving things around will most likely have the effect of increasing your friend's anxiety and strengthening her OCD tendencies.

You cant pander to people with this as it backs up there thoughts.

Would you say we shouldn't "pander to" people with cancer, diabetes, schizophrenia, etc.?

or am i totaly wrong and making thins worse for her.

More than likely, yes.
 

NicNak

Resident Canuck
Administrator
I found that purposley moving things around where i know they shouldn't be at my friends with ocd makes her deal with the fact that nothing has changed.

My mom does this, but not on purpose. She does it to clean up a bit and thinks she is helping me by organizing my things. It stresses me out to no end! I have calmly told her, I appreciate that she is trying to help, but when I try to find what she moved, it causes me great stress when I can't find it or it is out of it's place, sometimes even resulting in a panic attack.

I totally agree with what Dr Baxter said. What you are doing is simply cruel. It is like you are provoking her.
 

simplyred

Member
I know for myself, when things are moved whether intentional or not, I have then lost control of my "sanctuary". Your home is usually your sanctuary as it is the one place you can control what happens, how it looks, smells, feels, etc. If you disturb that rationality, it really sends me soaring in a fit of obsession, the compulsion to return any item misplaced. Then I still need time to remind myself that I'm ok and my sense of control has been returned, whether it takes 1 hour or spirals into an entire whirlwind of overcleaning and multiple times so that all is on the same page again. Please do not move things on your friend. It is scary. And I gotta say, if it were me, we would have tea at your house, not mine. Then you could move whatever you like.
Simplyred
 

adaptive1

MVP, Forum Supporter
MVP
2. Pencil it in
A while back, when I was especially tormented by some obsessions, my therapist told me to schedule a time of day where I was free to ruminate. That way, she said, when you get an obsession, you can simply tell yourself, “Sorry, it’s not time for that. You’ll have to wait until 8 in the evening, when I give you, My Head, 15 minutes to obsess your heart out.”
I have never understood that one, defering the obsession, ,it seems like a good idea but it implies that you can stop thinking about something until a certain time of the day. I guess the idea is you just move along with the thoughts still in your head and try to refocus until a certain time but then that isn't exactly defering it. I suppose I am taking it to literally.

Scrabble on my i phone app is keeping my brain occupied at the moment, I started to use words related to my obessive thoughts and it made me laugh for a minute or two any way
 
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