A difficult situation with my bulimic girlfriend

[ben james]

Hi there and thanks for reading. I hope someone can help me. My girlfriend who i very much care for and love has bulimia. She is 28 years old and has had this illness since a teenager. I have done my best to try and understand this illness through various avenues. I have learnt alot but not enough. I would like to know if some if the consequenses of bulimia can lead to infedelity. She has been unfaithful during our relationship. I will forgive her if her illness can be partly blamed for this breach of trust.
Please help me to make an informed descision.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I would like to know if some if the consequenses of bulimia can lead to infedelity. She has been unfaithful during our relationship. I will forgive her if her illness can be partly blamed for this breach of trust.

Because often eating disorders, body image issues, and low self-esteem or self-confidence issues often go hand in hand, it is certainly possible that there is at least an indirect link.

There is also some evidence that victims of childhood sexual abuse or other sexual victimization are at greater risk for eating disorders and this too might be related to confusion about sexuality and infidelity. I don't know if this is the case for your girlfriend or not.

Please note: I am NOT saying that all individuals suffering from eating disorders have been abused - merely that being abused seems to be a risk factor for developing an eating disorder.

I would also note that there may be other factors accounting for her behavior, most especially relationship issues, that should not be ignored.

 

[Diana]

Has she given you any specific reasons or excuses for her being unfaithful? And, is she currently being treated for her disorder?

 

[Eunoia]

1st of all, trying to read and learn as much as you can about your g/f ed's is a really good start for your own sake and so that you can be there for her... as you might know or not know anorexia can lead to infertility in most extreme cases and low birthweight babies etc. (think of the health consequences of anorexic behaviours....amennorhea, osteoporosis, malnutrition etc.). given this, bulimic and anorexic behaviour can have a tendency to overlap so I wouldn't rule out any health consequences, but the point is you don't know what will happen in the future, but what is important is that your g/f is getting help w/ her disorder now and not later.

There's a lot of different issues that go on behind bulimia, certainly some of them being a low self- esteem and sometimes promiscuity and impulsivity, so, yes, maybe some of that may have had a factor in her cheating but there's also many other reasons for why people cheat. I don't think you can "blame" her ed and in the end this decision is yours to make, but I think you should maybe sit down w/ her and discuss things (her ed and the cheating etc.) and see what she says (Diana asked some good questions about this).