• Quote of the Day
    "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."
    Nelson Mandela, posted by Daniel

TheLight

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Oct 15, 2004
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hiya

I live alone and find that when the neighbours are in or they have their door open I cannot get out of the house...I know this is avoidance but what can I do to overcome it...

I have lived here for 27 years but got the house signed over to me when my mam died...so all the family have lived here..and after my mam my brother and his wife and children moved in...but it is that now I realise the neighbours have more in common with them than me..I never spoke to them before because the rest of the family did...and now when family visit they speak to the neighbours and it makes it so obvious that I do not speak....

and its no use starting because it would look odd...I do let on when I am coming in or out but it is hard for me...I also think this is why I am taking painkillers and have put weight on..a kind of protection a numbing...

any help would be great...
 

Daniel

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I live alone and find that when the neighbours are in or they have their door open I cannot get out of the house...I know this is avoidance but what can I do to overcome it...

Increase the frequency of going outside, even though you will feel uncomfortable at first. Not only does this provide a way to habituate you (exposure therapy), but it makes each outing less of a "big event." And reward yourself. Even walking outside to get the mail can be rewarding if you get free samples in the mail. Also, it may help to make it more necessary to go out, such as by going to the grocery store every few days rather than buying more food once a week.

Avoiding going outside is a problem, but not talking to your neighbors is not necessarily a big deal, though it would be helpful as a way to help you with shyness. In the places I have lived prior to moving to a rural area, not talking to neighbors is the norm.
 
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Bones

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Jul 21, 2007
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not talking to your neighbors is not necessarily a big deal,

I agree with this statement.
I don't talk to my neighbors either and I don't think that you should have to if you don't want to.
I also avoid going outside when the neighbors are out there. But when I have to go or when I am coming home I just wave and say hi and maybe sometimes smile and thats it.
They probably just view me as a quiet person and thats fine with me.

I say, if you never talked to them before, because your family did, and it would look odd if you began to, then just continue to not talk to them unless something comes up, as long as that doesn't bother you.
Thats just my opinion.
 

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