Bad luck with therapists

[gooblax]

Happy Birthday @Daniel.


It sounds like it was a challenging one with your husband. But I'm glad you treated yourself at the book shop because you deserve a nice thoughtful gift, especially when it's you being thoughtful towards yourself.

I agree that at least to me it seems like you've been having some relationship OCD with the therapists, considering how much stopping/starting/changing you've been doing. (Not that I can talk, considering how much staying-with-the-same-therapist-even-though-it's-torture I've been doing!) None of them are going to be perfect, but some clearly less perfect than others and a couple of the ones you've seen did sound like they were being more harmful than helpful so it's a tough call even without the ROCD in the mix.

I can relate to therapy being triggering for reminders about being unmotivated... and then it's like "well if I can't be motivated to do anything and nothing's worthwhile then why even stay alive?" I get that a lot with my psych although it's been better lately when I've found a slither of motivation for something. There'll be something, somewhere that can be motivating for you too, even if it's something bizarre like building a giant multistory chicken maze (actually that'd be pretty cool, please do that ).

The depression and hopelessness has caught you at the moment. Still, you do have some good moments ahead of you and you can also be one of those people who finds relief from OCD symptoms with fewer, slower moles to whack.

 

[Daniel]

Thank you, and I apologize for deleting my previous post since I did not know it was seen yet. My mood has been all over the place lately. (If David can undelete it, that would be fine.)

I did just attend my first OCD peer group and it went well.

Regarding the motivation issue you also replied about, there is a phrase that still comes to mind: "thin thinking." Philosophical thinking is almost inherently overgeneralized, if not all-or-nothing. I have had that insight for almost two decades, but it seems I am still better off with being bored of (or outgrowing) my existential OCD more than trying to fight it head on, etc.

 

[Daniel]

even if it's something bizarre like building a giant multistory chicken maze (actually that'd be pretty cool, please do that ).

Haha. Yes, or killing chicken mites. Only one of my chickens seems prone to them. But the OCD provides so much motivation for preventing/killing them. I like snakes compared to mites since the snakes leave the chickens alone. The very small mites though can be painful to the hen. They only come out at night. Which makes them even more creepy and horrific !!!!!

 

[gooblax]

Thank you, and I apologize for deleting my previous post since I did not know it was seen yet.

It's ok, I don't mind looking like I'm talking to myself - everyone here already knows I'm crazy

I did just attend my first OCD peer group and it went well.

That's great! What things did you like about it?

Regarding the motivation issue you also replied about, there is a phrase that still comes to mind: "thin thinking." Philosophical thinking is almost inherently overgeneralized, if not all-or-nothing. I have had that insight for almost two decades, but it seems I am still better off with being bored of (or outgrowing) my existential OCD more than trying to fight it head on, etc.

I think I get what you mean. Like rather than trying to look at thought distortions etc. it helps more to just gradually get fed up with the OCD topic and move to something else? For me I think behavioural activation works best when I'm having "why bother" thoughts - force myself to go do something (preferably outside) and eventually my thinking will shift enough to get some distance from the negativity.

 

[David Baxter]

Thank you, and I apologize for deleting my previous post since I did not know it was seen yet. My mood has been all over the place lately. (If David can undelete it, that would be fine.)

I did just attend my first OCD peer group and it went well.

Regarding the motivation issue you also replied about, there is a phrase that still comes to mind: "thin thinking." Philosophical thinking is almost inherently overgeneralized, if not all-or-nothing. I have had that insight for almost two decades, but it seems I am still better off with being bored of (or outgrowing) my existential OCD more than trying to fight it head on, etc.

Post undeleted.

And I'm happy to hear that then OCD peer group helped. Never underestimate the power of peer support from people whi have actually been there (or at least near where you are emotionally).

 

[Daniel]

I think I get what you mean. Like rather than trying to look at thought distortions etc. it helps more to just gradually get fed up with the OCD topic and move to something else?

Yes, a meta-cognitive approach.

Metacognitive therapy versus exposure and response prevention for obsessive-compulsive disorder: study protocol for a randomized controlled trial

Background The recommended psychological treatment of choice for obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is exposure with response prevention (ERP). However, recovery rates are relatively modest, so better treatments are needed. This superiority study aims to explore the relative efficacy of...

trialsjournal.biomedcentral.com

 

[Daniel]

Never underestimate the power of peer support from people whi have actually been there

And it's a competition to see who gets better first, haha

But seriously, yes, it is very validating. And the others have a lot of insight. So much so they sound like therapists themselves. OTOH: "This awareness of how their thoughts and behaviors likely appear to others, indeed how they even appear to themselves, can be torturous."

 

[Daniel]

I talked briefly to my new therapist on the phone for a free consult to go over my goals, etc. I start seeing her virtually Thursday.

And on Monday, I start a Zoom yoga/meditation/taichi class from a local center.

I was joking before, but I think being in the group therapy is already making me competitive, in a good way.

 

[Daniel]

I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and will see him more often in the future -- now every 6 weeks. He was especially glad to hear about me doing yoga and tai chi four times a week.

He added a low dose (5 mg) of Abilify to my 80 mg of Prozac. Now, hopefully, I have to drink coffee to be as compulsive as I was before which is bad for Google -- my primary source of reassurance.

Things are still going well with my group and individual therapy. And the online/video individual therapy has no co-pays this month because of the COVID. I never have co-pays to see the psychiatrist since the appointments are through the non-profit/community mental health clinic. And the medications are basically free with my insurance (they are cheap generics anyway). So that is my gratitude list for today

 

[Daniel]

re: animal therapy

Because some of the older chickens have died over the last few years, I am down to "only" 16 chickens. (The most efficient layer chickens like leghorn chickens die sooner than low-efficiency layer chickens like Ameraucanas, which is what I mostly have now.) I have four coops -- most of which is empty space. And we can always build more if there are "interpersonal issues" between the birds.

While driving on a country road today, I saw these birds walking towards my car:

Guinea Fowl Baby Chicks - Bargain Special | Cackle Hatchery®

Shop the Highest Quality Guinea Fowl for Sale Online - Save with Cackle Hatchery®’s Guinea Fowl Bargain Special - Straight Run Only (Hatchery Choice)

www.cacklehatchery.com

I think I may get some chicks of them this summer. My husband says they are fun, social, and talkative. He had them as a child.

So now, I am just going to research how humane it is for them to be shipped as chicks, which seems to be fine:

How can you send chicks through the mail when they sometimes die? And if there is a risk that some chicks die on the way, then how can you justify staying in business? | My Pet Chicken

Backyard Chicken Help - How can you send chicks through the mail when they sometimes die? And if there is a risk that some chicks die on the way, then how can you justify staying in business?

www.mypetchicken.com

 

[gooblax]

Looking forward to reading your paper: "Chicken Out: A Quantitative Study of the Effectiveness of Avian Assisted Therapy and Self-Help"

 

[Daniel]

Hahahaha!!!

Here's another one: "Bird Brains and Monkey Minds: A Case Study in Human-Avian Group Therapy Dynamics"

 

[Daniel]

I hit the Google jackpot:

Guinea Fowl For Sale in All States!

Find a complete list of all the Guinea Fowl breeders in the entire USA right here!

hobbyfarmwisdom.com

No hatchery in Arizona seems to sell them. But there are at least a few mail-order hatcheries in California and Colorado that do.

From my chat today with one of the hatcheries, this is how they are shipped:

We ship them through the US postal. They hatch with a three day yolk sac in their system which helps them be okay for the trip. We also put a little gel water and food in there as extra help. They normally take two days to get to your post office and they call you to pick them up from the post office.

 

[Daniel]

Done.
The 15 guinea chicks will arrive late June. (I would try to get some earlier in April but my parents will be flying in to pet sit for me in early June when my husband and I go on a road trip.)

 

[Daniel]

I'm glad I had a hamster as a child. Or I would have to get one now since s/he is so cute. I love looking at that image everytime I go to this page

 

[Daniel]

Since I have therapy tomorrow, I am writing to organize my future plans, but comments/suggestions are always welcome.

Regarding academics & work:

1. I am finishing my master's thesis in information science this summer.

2. I am finishing my first semester in a MPH program (master's of public health). It's been only somewhat educational and amazingly boring, so I am thinking of getting a MBA degree instead or a PhD in information science after I finish my master's thesis. No matter what I do career-wise, I am basically going to be a lifelong learner since I am addicted to academia

3. After the summer/thesis is over, I plan to apply for a full-time job in data analysis.

Regarding my psychology hobby:

In addition to my routine of posting quotes, etc., here, I am going to start a new blog called "I Heart OCD" and finally write some original articles after reading Psychology Today, etc. for over 20+ years. I will also write book summaries of self-help books on OCD, reports of recent research, posts about tai chi, etc. Having the blog will also make it easier to socialize with other bloggers.

I've bought a few, cheap domain names related to OCD. My blog will be called "I Heart OCD" and the tagline will probably be "OCD & Self-Acceptance." (The logic of "I Heart OCD" is that self-acceptance requires accepting one's whole self, including OCD.)

 

[Daniel]

Oh, and I plan to apply to work for the federal government for several reasons:

1) pension after 10 years of working there
2) it's a good cause
3) may have a chance at the local Veteran's Administration even though I am not a vet (see #4)
4) they give preference/accommodations for having a disability, including a mental disability
5) I would rather deal with the predictability of red tape than constant change.
6) student loan forgiveness and other "educational incentives"

 

[Daniel]

This new therapist is really good and a good fit. So I really like the startup company, SonderMind, that matched me with her. They did a better job than I did in picking therapists And you can always ask for a different suggestion/therapist, including during the matching process.

I am -- in a way -- glad I had so much friction with the previous therapists of late to really, really appreciate this one. And since she does remind me of a friend I had in high school, that seems to help with any transference issues. The last female therapist I saw was my age, but she reminded me of my daughter-in-law -- and not in a good way.

 

[Daniel]

Of the domain names I bought, I have settled on two sites -- each to have very different functions. One is on acceptance and the other is more about self-help "improvements" per se -- things one can add to one's life.


The one on self-improvement is called "OCD Plus":
This is a rough idea for a logo that has not been designed yet:

A guy at Fiverr is going to help me with the above and come up with some new ideas, hopefully.


The other site -- on self-acceptance -- will be called "I Heart OCD."

I had the guy at Fiverr do the logo already to take advantage of the heart aspect. I had the idea to made the O into a heart (after seeing a font like that), and then he the better idea to put the heart in front of the O:




Here is a pic of the logo with a background:



I also have the source files so I can change the colors, etc.

 

[David Baxter]

Very nice!

I suck at graphics so I always have to contract out too.