Can you ever get better?

[SilentNinja]

I'm just wondering can you be cured from AvPD? I'm 28 now and i've suffered with it since i was at school, I have seen psychaitrists, psychologists and had my own community pyschaitrist nurse, and i am just the same if not a bit worse. Firstly i can never open up to them... i try to explain how i feel and i cant find the right words to use then i get really angry at myself, even if i made notes to take with me, i still couldnt have a conversation.. i'll answer yes or no. But they havnt helped me, i only got booklets on how to try change my thoughts and i was on meds but it only helped my moods.

I used to get terribly anxious when i was younger but now if im in a situation its not anxiety.. im not sure if its not paranoia, and i am just unable to speak out in front of class (for example karate class ) I remember in school if the teacher asked a question i would put my head down to avoid eye contact so she didnt ask me anything and my heart was pounding, but i dont get that now its a worse feeling ( but nothing physical )

My karate coach wants to teach the warm up in class in January, ( yes i did tell him about my condition but he told me to stop P***yfooting around and get on with it, and to grow up ) No matter how hard i try and push myself i REALLY CANNOT do this... i can't even help in class if there is a 5 year old doing a punch wrong i will not go near or correct them, but there is no anxiety there.. i dont think so anyway i just can't do it... its not about confidence, and not like if i do it once i will get better... it doesnt work like that with me.

Even at karate we stayed over for a night and i couldnt go down sit with everyone, or eat with them, i sat in my room alone the whole day and night. My coach was very angry with me because i done that.

Do you think there is any hope for me?

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: Can you ever get better

Yes hun there is hope always New meds coming out if you chose to try them Newer therapies hun there is always hope hugs

 

[adaptive1]

Re: Can you ever get better

I agree, there is always hope. I think its about making little goals for yourself and working up to bigger ones. You gain confidence in blocks as you have success. Like a little goal could be to say hello to one person. I don't think your coach is helping very much.

 

[Cat Dancer]

Re: Can you ever get better

 

[SilentNinja]

Re: Can you ever get better

Why cant i get anywhere though.. why am i getting worse the more people i try speak to, why cant i open my mouth and say a few words to someone... I cant say hello to someone.. i cant make myself do it.. no matter how hard i try.. if i cant do that what chances do i have I dont understand why i cant do it

 

[rdw]

Re: Can you ever get better

So start by smiling - make that a first step.

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: Can you ever get better

Hi hun you art is so beautiful hun speak with your art then ok I look at those pictures and they say alot hun Use you talent to bring awareness to what is happening inside you and around you. Meet other people with you same passion hun and talk about what you love art hugs

 

[SilentNinja]

I am always complaining i have no friends, and no one to talk to and feel lonely, yet over the past 3 days i have been asked if id like to meet up for a tea/coffee - i havnt met the people before but they live in my town and i talk to them online a lot and i think they are great. BUT I dont want to!!!!!!! I dont know if its my brain just saying NO WAY because of the extreme stress it would put me through or if its because i just dont want to and would rather be alone. I really just dont want to meet them at all, but in the back of my mind i picture me with these people wishing that could be me. But at the same time i dont want it to be. ARRRRRGGH. what is wrong with me? Oh Also these nice people that i think are great and wonderfull.. sometimes in my head i will get very irritated with them,, i would neverrrrrrrrrr say anything bad to them, because its my brain being messed up, why do i feel so much anger.
I think, even if i wanted to go meet them i couldnt. I cant deal with it.

Also i do not want a relationship, i have never had one and dont desire to have one EVER! I dont want to be close to someone. But somewhere in my head i feel so lonely and just want a hug from someone.



Oh Oh and also, I have a friend who keeps asking me to go out and meet up, but i have been avoiding him for a YEAR now, making up excuses, i dont know why i dont want to go out and have fun. Why cant i understand myself

 

[MHealthJo]

Hi Silent Ninja...

It is always a person's own choice, the pace at which a person wants to progress/change something - or not.It is okay that a person has their own feelings about where they are at and whether or not they want that to be different just yet... ...especially if a person's situation is not like horribly abusive to others or something. So it is good that you can recognize mixed feelings about this... its good to know where you are at and feel comfortable thinking or reading about the nature of it.

Really its quite positive that you can recognise that there are "pros" of moving towards others. Even if you still have very mixed feelings about that at the moment and its not what you want at the moment. That's okay!

In reading about AvPD a while ago, it quickly became clear to me that being hopeful can be a bit of an elusive commodity with those in that situation... Really tough to see possibilities, and grab onto positives and hope...

So when I came across the following very hopeful thread and positive experience/evolution of AvPD, it seemed important that people have access to it... maybe they can hone in on those seemingly elusive ingredients for hope and change, when/if they desire change and are looking for that.

Does this ever get better? : Avoidant Personality Disorder Forum - Psych forums

 

[SilentNinja]

The link doesnt work im affraid just takes me to their homepage.
Ive been trying to get over this for as long as i can remember and i am the same ( prob worse now! )
CBT hasnt worked for me because i am totally unable to be positive or think positive, when someone tells me im good at something ( Like my drawing! ) I dont see it or believe it.. milions of people draw and are much better than me.
Does anyone know of anything else i can try to try overcome AVPD??

This is me in the one thought: Leave me alone, done leave me. Everything i think i have two responses im always at battle in my head.

 

[SilentNinja]

Thanks for the link got it now. I will have a read. Does anyone else here have AvPD because it would be good to relate. I dont want to sign up on other forums, i really like this place and everyone here is really nice. You know i just dont know what to do anymore
I wish i was normal, if i had one wish in the world.. to be millionaire or anything... id just pick to be cured!

 

[MHealthJo]

www.psychforums.com/avoidant-personality/topic91409.html

I've disabled an option that might be messing up the link. But now even when I paste the above into the address bar, somehow a space is getting in. Might be an issue with my browser.

If you paste the above address and then double check that there are no spaces, you should get there.

Argh, it's annoying, since that thread seems to be giving a lot of hope to a lot of people who seem very low on hope!! So I hope you can get the link to work somehow... how ironic, argh.

---------- Post Merged at 04:10 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 03:50 AM ----------

Yeah, its scary trying to find somewhere on the internet where you'll feel comfortable to post, isn't it...where you feel confident that people will be reasonably nice.

At that other place you will find a much bigger bulk of peoples experiences with personality disorders, so I guess you could always get insight and experiences from those; but when you want to post and talk yourself, its good that you feel comfy enough to do that here.

If you do a search here you will find people with the same diagnosis, and threads they have posted.

Also, you can do a very handy site-specific Google search, by typing "sitesychlinks.ca" into your google search, plus whatever words you want to look for. I find that very handy for searching within a website sometimes.

Wishing you all the best SilentNinja...

And don't forget that one of the greatest resources can be your therapist and doctors, once you are able to take little steps of trusting them and opening up...

...So hard to do but so worth it, when you eventually are able to.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Link fixed now.

 

[MHealthJo]

Thanks Dr. B

 

[SilentNinja]

thanks, i got the link the first time round

the other place looks very busy and scary i dont wanna post there, i really feel at home here because ive been a member for a long time.
Good to read the posts though! thank you for finding it for me!

I have just now deleted my facebook acccount.. the only place i had left to talk to people, I couldnt think of what to say to those people about meeting them, plus, i was making a fool of myself on there.
Now i feel extremly lonely and cant stop crying. Its just a circle i go round... never ever ending.

 

[MHealthJo]

Thinking of you...

Maybe you are getting closer and closer to truly "wanting to get off" that merry go round?? Even though it is so scary and you can still feel that opposite drive, maybe you are getting closer to that moment of thinking, "I've really had enough. I do want something different and Im going to find out how others have gotten there, whatever it takes." Because you are looking around for info about it so that is really positive!

So keep going... keep reading about other peoples stories... anything that might nudge you closer and closer to the edge of the merry go round... and help you see the way past the difficult roadblocks to progress which seem to come with AvPD.

Wishing you the best SilentNinja, and remember you are never truly alone, with people thinking of you and with the stories and experiences out there which can help you find a way forward. You seem hungry for it and I believe in time you will find it!

 

[SilentNinja]

Thnk you so much, i really hope so.
My coach just told me i cant grade in March if im not mentally ready, im not sure how to get out of this dark pit.. i need to be ready for march.

 

[SilentNinja]

oh look its me again! I'm so sorry.

but i have decided i am not going to get involved with humans anymore, i am just going to do my own things at home, you know at work today the boss screamed in my face about something that wasn't even my fault.. and i couldn't even stick up for myself, i stood there and took it.. unable to say a word. The i got pulled up another twice for things that wasn't my fault... i thought i was going to snap.. i have SO MUCH ANGER INSIDE ME RIGHT NOW... and i cant let it out. I'm sitting here in a daze.

Everyone is against me, or their goal.. to hurt me, fact.

So be it no one can get me at home, I'm not getting involved with humans, they are evil creatures :'( :'( :'(

( no one here is evil! Plz don't take that the wrong way... i mean the people here where i live, the people i know, my friends, people at work, people at martial arts classes etc )

 

[Mari]

Although I was not quite as expressive as you (I mostly just cried) I certainly felt much the same yesterday. It does not seem acceptable to me that someone should scream in your face. I am not sure what the resolution for that should be but it seems understandable to me that you would/should be upset. We humans are not all evil so hopefully you are feeling a bit better and can find some positive ways to move toward connecting with some good people.