Can't go back

[Cat Dancer]

I had therapy today and i thought it went ok. It was really hard, but I made it through. Now I feel awful and guilty and ashamed. And the worst part is I feel like I have contaminated him horribly. I have hurt him and i cannot go back and keep hurting him. It's too awful.

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

Try not to jump to conclusions. How do you think you hurt your therapist?

I have told my therapist some stuff I was really ashamed of. It actually felt good to get it out. I didn't feel like I contaminated him.... Just tell your therapist how you feel. He/she will likely tell you that if they couldn't deal with what you were telling them they wouldn't be in their profession (at least that's what mine told me)... I couldn't actually tell him what I was so ashamed of, I had to write it down. He told me stuff, I cried, and I felt better...

Go ahead and ask him if he feels contaminated... He will talk to you about it. He will probably tell you not to worry about him, because the therapy is for you, and you need to concentrate on you not him. Therapists have been through some stuff too, likely, so they probably have more empathy and listening ability than your average Joe.

My therapist told me that before he goes to work and at night he does some relaxation exercises: practice what you preach, I guess, right?

Besides, therapists have therapists, too.

 

[forgetmenot]

CD your therapist has heard it all and more
I am sure he is very proud of you for sharing what you have with him.
It takes alot of trust to do that and you have shown him just that
You trust him enough to share the darkness inside
He is not feeling contaminate at all he is feeling like he and you are getting somewhere.
Whatever you tell your therapist they can handle it ok
I hope you continue hun to trust him and to share what needs to be shared in order for you toheal hugs

 

[David Baxter PhD]

You have not hurt your therapist, CD. That is your OCD again. And of course you have to return.

 

[Retired]

I have hurt him and i cannot go back and keep hurting him.

In my view, a therapist is a professional who has been trained to provide a service, namely to listen to a client's issues and based on rational strategies that come from extensive training and clinical experience, will make recommendations to address those issues.

A therapist should be objective and non judgemental, nothing you might disclose should affect him personally, but rather the more information and detail you can provide, the better information he has to be able to help you.

Not to trivialize your concern, but drawing the conclusion you proposed would be like not wanting to bring your car back to your mechanic because he got his hands dirty when he changed the engine oil.

It's what he does and what he is trained to do.

Go back and continue with your therapy, and if you are still concerned, ask him if he's affected by anything you've said. I'm pretty sure you will be pleasantly surprised by his response.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I'm going to write him a letter about all this. I think I can express it best that way. I can't express it with my speaking words.

 

[Retired]

I believe writing a letter about troubling issues is an excellent idea. Once you've writtien it, consider waiting 24 hours before sending it, in case you think of something additional to add, modify or you may even decide not to send it at this time.

 

[Cat Dancer]

WAiting to send it is a good idea. I am emotionally overwrought right now. I think it would be a 'crazy" letter.

 

[forgetmenot]

hun Crazy letters are okay too they show just how much confusion there is inside you hugs to you

 

[Cat Dancer]

I just feel so bad for him having to put up with me and then I think that's hypocritical because I DO keep going back and tormenting him. Ugh. This is all just SO hard.

 

[suewatters1]

CD he is doing his job. If he couldn't put up with you then he is in the wrong business. You are not tormenting him but only yourself.
If he has a problem with you he would tell you.

Sue

 

[forgetmenot]

CD many of us feel that way i too feel that my therapist is getting so tired of me and that i should be fighting this battle now on my own I understand the thoughts are there hun as i have them too but i think thes thoughts we have are just distorted ones they are not true
Our therapist if they were tired of us or tormented by us would simply pass us on to someone else they would state that they could not help us anymore and find someone that could
You are doing the right thing going back hun and if it takes a zillion times going back then that is what we must do hugs

 

[David Baxter PhD]

You are not tormenting him. He is your therapist. You are his client. You are going to him for therapy. That's what it's all about.

 

[Cat Dancer]

It's more OCD thinking?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Yes. I'm sorry. I know you don't like to think of the way OCD influences your life, but that is exactly what it is.

 

[Cat Dancer]

It's ok. Somehow I have to face this ocd stuff and start dealing with it and accepting it. I will just get worse if I don't.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Yes, exactly.