Confusing marriage breakup

[ramblin]

I'm looking for a bit of insight/suggestions.

A few months ago my sister left my brother in law (27 yr marriage). she said she had enough as he had been depressed for about 5 years

He agreed he was depressed, went to therapy...is getting better day by day. has some great insights into his depression and knows he is on a path to get better

My brother in law talks to me and my brother quite a bit to talk through feelings, moving forward etc. Nothing very directive from us but a listening ear and maybe help him question thoughts of anger at my sister when he starts to feel a little anxious
my sister....yikes, there is not a page big enough to cover that aspect

in any case i have contacted her to let her know if she ever needs an ear i'm here. she said she's fine. no problem.

anyway my brother in law is trying to move on now as she has made it clear she won't be back

but every time he tries to talk to her about cleaning out stuff, selling stuff, taking care of bills...practical stuff that needs sorting out she becomes belligerent and childish....behaviour i've been on the end of myself many times. says things like "oh well have it all. just burn it all down. fine, see if i care". 2 year old type stuff

so my brother in law (and myself) are struggling to see why someone who instigated the split and is adamant she won't return is now so resistant to finalise things

my insight into her as her sister gives me some ideas. my father is diagnosed with anti-social personality disorder and while my sister is not diagnosed with anything, i have to say the apple does not fall far from the tree in some behaviours

anyway her behaviour/motives etc are not really what my question relates to

but my question is instead how does someone move on from a marriage when the other partner is being so obstinate about the practical things that need doing?

if he goes and does things without consultation - pays bills, closes accounts etc...this could be seen as inflamatory and making decisions without consultation

yet at the same time bills are mounting, unnecessary interest getting charged

she also just got sacked from her job so that is an added pressure to get finances in order

does he just sit back and wait till she is ready or does he just do what needs to be done and damn the consequences
or is there a plan C out there?

thanks in advance for any thoughts

 

[forgetmenot]

You think that she would go to marriage councilor it may help also i would at this point get a good lawyer so things are done correctly and legally so she cannot come back later and say other things. Good both have legal representation

YEs go ahead and pay the bills she cannot obviously do it not without a job so financially you are not so far in whole that things will just get out of hand

 

[Michael Cross]

At this point, I don't see why your brother-in-law should worry about being inflammatory. Your sister is showing signs of uncertainty about the split. Perhaps she's waiting to see if he's really changing and is willing to become an active partner. If he is still open to reconciliation, showing his new found confidence taking charge may open the door.