More threads by David Baxter PhD

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
Critical Thinking: Learning to live without beating yourself up
by Jennine Estes
March 18th, 2008

Saying Good-Bye to Critical Thoughts
Summer?s on its way and for San Diego that means it?s a time for beaches, barbeques, and fun in the sun! Many of us find ourselves making healthy decisions like switching to water instead of drinking soda, exercising a couple more times a week, or resisting the urge to eat that second sliver of cake while others sometimes make unhealthy?potentially dangerous?choices in a rush effort to shed those lingering holiday pounds: skipping meals, crash dieting, or running on the treadmill until being on the verge of collapse. Body image is important to most everybody?a fact that is felt even more so in a city known for having beautiful people.
Images seen in magazines of people who have been either professionally trained or surgically sculpted can inadvertently create a sense of anxiety which spurs harmful critical thoughts. Some examples of critical thoughts include the following:

  • ?I am fat. I HAVE to lose weight.?
  • ?How come everyone else can lose weight, but I can?t??
  • ?I will only be happy if I lose weight.?-?I NEED to go on a diet.?
Absolute phrases and words such as have to, only if, must, and need are key signs critical thinking is plaguing our minds. Critical thoughts can also manifest themselves in the form of seemingly innocuous little phrases that we automatically tell ourselves every day. For example, ?I should have?? or ?Why didn?t I??? or ?I needed to?? are ways we criticize our past decisions (or lack thereof) in an effort to take control of them today. In some cases critical thoughts can do the exact opposite of the action they?re meant to reinforce, causing us to give up on our goals when the self-imposed ?need to? and ?have to? extremist goals aren?t met. This outcome is aided by the fact that most of us use critical thoughts in attempt to drive ourselves up the ladder of achievement with relentless, oft times self-depreciating talk laden with rigid goals and unrealistic parameters: one can?t expect to burn five pounds a week simply by chanting critical thoughts in their head?action must be taken.

To avoid setting up for failure, we should focus on learning to nurture and care for ourselves and our goals, appreciating the process of achievement instead of setting our sights solely on the outcome. Finding a way to validate our frustrations without the use of critical thoughts and being able to recognize the critical thinking when it hits us in tandem with the ability to decrease both their frequency and impact is key to removing mental roadblocks that prevent us from being where we want to be.

Steps to Stop the Critical Thoughts:

  1. Recognize the critical thought: Critical thoughts can rear their ugly heads up to 15 times within half an hour. Note that absolutes and directives such as must, have to, need, and always. Being able to see something that is engrained in our psyche can be difficult at first, but practice will lead to you eventually being able to see the negative critical thoughts so you can block them out altogether!
  2. Neutralize the power of the critical thought: You?ve identified the thought as being critical, now understand that is self-depreciating, negative, and unrealistic. By seeing these traits within the statement, you will be assisted in seeing the critical thought?s value for what it?s worth?absolutely nothing.
  3. Counter the critical thought by providing yourself with nurturing and validation: Tell yourself phrases such as ?There is nothing wrong with me .? or ?I am doing a good job.? Saying simple things like, ?I did my best.? And ?I?m getting there.? Are ways of telling yourself that you?re enduring and enjoying the experience the road to achievement is putting you through. Self-talk that reflects back on what you?ve accomplished as opposed to dwelling too much on what you?ve yet to gain help keep you in the moment and prevent you from being overwhelmed by a goal that may yet be a ways off.
  4. Notice the replacement positive behavior: Critical thoughts will always reside somewhere in your brain, but now you have a grasp on positive reinforcement and gradually the negative self-talk will be replaced with inspiring, success-oriented thinking. Eventually your mind will automatically conjure positive reinforcement in lieu of the damaging critical thinking.
Remember, it is perfectly acceptable to admit defeat (?Yes, it does hurt? or ?I keep beating myself up?). Honestly validating why you?re not satisfied with where you?re at helps you naturally transition into a more well-adjusted state instead of trying the miracle method of instantly feeling better.

Quick Tips for Whipping Your Thinking into Shape

  • Don?t set unrealistic goals
  • Avoid influences that spur critical thoughts (magazines, celebrity news shows, etc.)
  • Become aware of what the words you telling yourself really mean: know that ?shoulda, coulda, woulda? was yesterday and ?I will.? is a promise.
  • Don?t invest your expectations too much into the end result which leads to anxiety and automatic failure?be sure to enjoy the ride getting there.
  • Notice critical thoughts, and counter them with nurturing ones.
  • Yesterday?s gone; tomorrow isn?t here yet; focus on The Now.
 
[SIGN][/SIGN]This is great! I reallly am still combatting being hard on myself-I still feel like I must apologize for my bipolar brain and mood swings. This is terriffic advice. Yes, Paxil made me gain 70 pounds in about 6 years but I have been a lot calmer! I love myself and that is what I tell my psychiatrist!
 

ladylore

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[SIGN][/SIGN]This is great! I reallly am still combatting being hard on myself-I still feel like I must apologize for my bipolar brain and mood swings. This is terriffic advice. Yes, Paxil made me gain 70 pounds in about 6 years but I have been a lot calmer! I love myself and that is what I tell my psychiatrist!

That is so cool Prayerbear! :yahoo:
 
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